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The disease is MORE
In most cases, success is the first step to disaster.The idea of development is often the enemy of real development.
I recently met a guy who quite successfully developing its business, lead an amazing life, has a happy relationship and many friends. Despite all this, he told me in all seriousness stated that he would like to hire a mentor in order to "reach the next level."
When I asked him about what constitutes this elusive "next level", he could not answer anything. He only said that the mentor he needs to point out his weaknesses and the chances that he misses.
-"Yeah" – I said, and for a moment hesitated.
I didn't want to upset the person with whom you literally just met, sobering truth. He was full of enthusiasm and the willingness to give a lot of money for someone to tell him what problem he must solve.
"But what if there is nothing to fix?" – I asked.
"What do you mean?" – a puzzled look he looked at me.
"What-if "next level" doesn't exist? What if it was just an idea rattling around inside your head? What if you're already there, but just not realize it? You crave something more, and it prevents you to appreciate and enjoy what you already have?"
My questions he clearly did not like. After a pause he said, "I just feel like I have to constantly improve themselves, in spite of everything".
"And that, my friend most likely is your biggest problem."
In sports there is such a thing as a "Disease of more". It was coined by Pat Riley, which is known as one of the most talented coaches in the NBA and is a member of the Basketball Hall of fame.
According to Riley, with the help of the concept of "Disease of more" to explain why teams that win Championships are often subsequently proved to be "overthrown" – no other, the best teams, and forces within the organization.
Players, like many people, always want more. First "more" is winning the championship. As soon as they achieve it, it becomes not enough. "More" now turns into other things – money, ads, endorsement, praise, fame, media attention and so on.
As a result, a coordinated team of hard working boys begins to disintegrate. Top picks "ego" of each of them. Once the ideal psychological atmosphere of the team changes, it becomes toxic. The players feel entitled to ignore non-essential tasks that usually leads to victory in the championship. As a result, the team that was once considered the most powerful and talented, defeated.
More is not better
Psychologists are not always engaged in the study of happiness. In fact, most of the time they devoted not to the positive, and the problems of people who have caused mental illness and emotional breakdowns, and ways of solving them.
Only in the early 1980-ies some intrepid scientists began to ask questions associated with what makes people happy. After some time on the shelves there were millions of books on "happiness"written in boring, anxious people who have experienced an existential crisis.
But I went ahead.
One of the first things that psychologists did start to study happiness –it held a simple survey. They presented multiple large groups of people beepers and asked them to break away from his business and record the answers to two questions every time when the device is beeping.
The first question was: "How happy do you feel in the moment (rate your state on a scale)?"
Second – "What event or activity caused by your condition?".
The study involved hundreds of people from different walks of life. The results obtained by the scientists was amazing and boring at the same time.
Almost all people, regardless of circumstances, always evaluate their level of happiness 7 points.
Buying milk at the grocery store? Seven. Visit the game son, who's into baseball? Seven. Conversation with the boss after the successful conclusion of a major transaction? Seven.
Even when their life was catastrophic things (mom had cancer, were not able to make a payment on a mortgage, the child broke his hand while playing bowling, and so on), they evaluated their level of happiness in the range of 2 to 5 points for a short time, and then he came back again to the mark of "7".
The same trend was observed in the case of very happy events – winning the lottery, vacations, marriage and so on. They all bring pleasure only for a short period of time andthen the level of happiness, as expected, was back to seven points.
These results have surprised psychologists. No one can be absolutely happy or absolutely unhappy all the time. The impression that people, regardless of external circumstances, are in a constant state of moderate, but not entirely satisfying happiness. In other words, they almost always have everything in order, however, in their opinion, could be better.
However, this "seven" to which we always eventually return, loves to joke with us, and we fall for her tricks again and again.
The trick is that our brain tells us, "you Know, if you would be a little more, I'd finally reached the summit of happiness and remained there forever."
Most of us all your life aim, which is to constantly be happy, that is never to fall below 10 points.
Do you think that in order to be happy, you need to find a new job. You find her and after a few months I feel that for a complete happiness you are missing a new home. You are buying a new house and a few months later find that you would like to relax in some warm country. You go on vacation, and when you finally soak in the sun on the beautiful beach, you suddenly comes to mind the thought: "Damn, I want a piña colada! There is a "Pina colada"?" You get a drink, but one glass was not enough for you to achieve the same amount of happiness, so you order a second, third... the next Morning you Wake up with a hangover and realize that your level of happiness has dropped to the level of "3".
But it's okay. After a while it will go back up to "7".
Some psychologists call this constant pursuit of pleasure "hedonic treadmill": people who constantly strive for "a better life", using a lot of effortto eventually "opt in" to where they started.
"Wait a minute, you say. – Does this mean that all our actions are meaningless?"
No, it means that motivation in your life should be something more than my own happiness.
Otherwise you will endlessly run in the direction of his glory and perfection, to the level of "10", and constantly feel like treading water. Or worse, to slowly destroy everything that you had initially.
Self-cultivation as a glorified hobby
In the days when I was passionate about "the self", one of my favorite rituals was planning life and setting goals before the New year. I spend hours analyzing their desires and values, getting to the end of the process an impressive list of largely arbitrary goals (e.g., learn to play bongos, earn a certain amount of money or see the coveted six pack of your abs).
However, in the end, I realized one simple truth:the funny thing about self-improvement for the sake of self-improvement is that it is, in fact, has no importance whatsoever.It's just a glorified hobby.
It took me a long time to accept the fact that if I can do anything to improve in your life, it does not mean that I have to do it.
When a person is fixated on self-improvement, he becomes entirely absorbed by himself. His life turns blagodetel form of narcissism.
Ironically, this complicates life.
A friend of mine once told me: "the Best decision I ever made in my life was to join a support group. Three years later, best decision I ever made in my life, had to stop to attend my support group".
I think this principle applies to all forms of self-improvement. The tools for improvement should be used as a bandage – only in cases when something hurts or really bothers. Ultimately, you still have to take them off.
Life is not a game of perfection and compromise.
I think many people view life from the point of view of linear growth and improvement. It makes sense, when you're young, and your ability and skills to rapidly grow and develop.
When you reach maturity, becoming expert in certain areas (you've spent a lot of time and mental energy), life for you is not improving, and compromise.
I spent ten years to develop their writing skills. If I suddenly decided to become a DJ, everybody would have to say that I "develop" themselves, developing their talents and skills.However, to become competent in a completely new field, I need to spend hundreds of hours practice is, in turn, will affect my ability as a writer. For example, for the 500 hours of lessons, which I will spend to master the skills of a DJ, I can write a book, start writing a column in a prestigious journal or create a bunch of useful articles.
Back to that guy who was looking for a mentor. I gave him advice to be careful with their desire to improve themselves for the sake of self-improvement. Be careful when choosing new dreams and goals — don't chase after the next dose of dopamine to achieve the same amount of happiness, because it can hurt or deprive you of what you already have. published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: muz4in.net/news/bolezn_bolshego/2017-02-13-42702
I recently met a guy who quite successfully developing its business, lead an amazing life, has a happy relationship and many friends. Despite all this, he told me in all seriousness stated that he would like to hire a mentor in order to "reach the next level."
When I asked him about what constitutes this elusive "next level", he could not answer anything. He only said that the mentor he needs to point out his weaknesses and the chances that he misses.
-"Yeah" – I said, and for a moment hesitated.
I didn't want to upset the person with whom you literally just met, sobering truth. He was full of enthusiasm and the willingness to give a lot of money for someone to tell him what problem he must solve.
"But what if there is nothing to fix?" – I asked.
"What do you mean?" – a puzzled look he looked at me.
"What-if "next level" doesn't exist? What if it was just an idea rattling around inside your head? What if you're already there, but just not realize it? You crave something more, and it prevents you to appreciate and enjoy what you already have?"
My questions he clearly did not like. After a pause he said, "I just feel like I have to constantly improve themselves, in spite of everything".
"And that, my friend most likely is your biggest problem."
In sports there is such a thing as a "Disease of more". It was coined by Pat Riley, which is known as one of the most talented coaches in the NBA and is a member of the Basketball Hall of fame.
According to Riley, with the help of the concept of "Disease of more" to explain why teams that win Championships are often subsequently proved to be "overthrown" – no other, the best teams, and forces within the organization.
Players, like many people, always want more. First "more" is winning the championship. As soon as they achieve it, it becomes not enough. "More" now turns into other things – money, ads, endorsement, praise, fame, media attention and so on.
As a result, a coordinated team of hard working boys begins to disintegrate. Top picks "ego" of each of them. Once the ideal psychological atmosphere of the team changes, it becomes toxic. The players feel entitled to ignore non-essential tasks that usually leads to victory in the championship. As a result, the team that was once considered the most powerful and talented, defeated.
More is not better
Psychologists are not always engaged in the study of happiness. In fact, most of the time they devoted not to the positive, and the problems of people who have caused mental illness and emotional breakdowns, and ways of solving them.
Only in the early 1980-ies some intrepid scientists began to ask questions associated with what makes people happy. After some time on the shelves there were millions of books on "happiness"written in boring, anxious people who have experienced an existential crisis.
But I went ahead.
One of the first things that psychologists did start to study happiness –it held a simple survey. They presented multiple large groups of people beepers and asked them to break away from his business and record the answers to two questions every time when the device is beeping.
The first question was: "How happy do you feel in the moment (rate your state on a scale)?"
Second – "What event or activity caused by your condition?".
The study involved hundreds of people from different walks of life. The results obtained by the scientists was amazing and boring at the same time.
Almost all people, regardless of circumstances, always evaluate their level of happiness 7 points.
Buying milk at the grocery store? Seven. Visit the game son, who's into baseball? Seven. Conversation with the boss after the successful conclusion of a major transaction? Seven.
Even when their life was catastrophic things (mom had cancer, were not able to make a payment on a mortgage, the child broke his hand while playing bowling, and so on), they evaluated their level of happiness in the range of 2 to 5 points for a short time, and then he came back again to the mark of "7".
The same trend was observed in the case of very happy events – winning the lottery, vacations, marriage and so on. They all bring pleasure only for a short period of time andthen the level of happiness, as expected, was back to seven points.
These results have surprised psychologists. No one can be absolutely happy or absolutely unhappy all the time. The impression that people, regardless of external circumstances, are in a constant state of moderate, but not entirely satisfying happiness. In other words, they almost always have everything in order, however, in their opinion, could be better.
However, this "seven" to which we always eventually return, loves to joke with us, and we fall for her tricks again and again.
The trick is that our brain tells us, "you Know, if you would be a little more, I'd finally reached the summit of happiness and remained there forever."
Most of us all your life aim, which is to constantly be happy, that is never to fall below 10 points.
Do you think that in order to be happy, you need to find a new job. You find her and after a few months I feel that for a complete happiness you are missing a new home. You are buying a new house and a few months later find that you would like to relax in some warm country. You go on vacation, and when you finally soak in the sun on the beautiful beach, you suddenly comes to mind the thought: "Damn, I want a piña colada! There is a "Pina colada"?" You get a drink, but one glass was not enough for you to achieve the same amount of happiness, so you order a second, third... the next Morning you Wake up with a hangover and realize that your level of happiness has dropped to the level of "3".
But it's okay. After a while it will go back up to "7".
Some psychologists call this constant pursuit of pleasure "hedonic treadmill": people who constantly strive for "a better life", using a lot of effortto eventually "opt in" to where they started.
"Wait a minute, you say. – Does this mean that all our actions are meaningless?"
No, it means that motivation in your life should be something more than my own happiness.
Otherwise you will endlessly run in the direction of his glory and perfection, to the level of "10", and constantly feel like treading water. Or worse, to slowly destroy everything that you had initially.
Self-cultivation as a glorified hobby
In the days when I was passionate about "the self", one of my favorite rituals was planning life and setting goals before the New year. I spend hours analyzing their desires and values, getting to the end of the process an impressive list of largely arbitrary goals (e.g., learn to play bongos, earn a certain amount of money or see the coveted six pack of your abs).
However, in the end, I realized one simple truth:the funny thing about self-improvement for the sake of self-improvement is that it is, in fact, has no importance whatsoever.It's just a glorified hobby.
It took me a long time to accept the fact that if I can do anything to improve in your life, it does not mean that I have to do it.
When a person is fixated on self-improvement, he becomes entirely absorbed by himself. His life turns blagodetel form of narcissism.
Ironically, this complicates life.
A friend of mine once told me: "the Best decision I ever made in my life was to join a support group. Three years later, best decision I ever made in my life, had to stop to attend my support group".
I think this principle applies to all forms of self-improvement. The tools for improvement should be used as a bandage – only in cases when something hurts or really bothers. Ultimately, you still have to take them off.
Life is not a game of perfection and compromise.
I think many people view life from the point of view of linear growth and improvement. It makes sense, when you're young, and your ability and skills to rapidly grow and develop.
When you reach maturity, becoming expert in certain areas (you've spent a lot of time and mental energy), life for you is not improving, and compromise.
I spent ten years to develop their writing skills. If I suddenly decided to become a DJ, everybody would have to say that I "develop" themselves, developing their talents and skills.However, to become competent in a completely new field, I need to spend hundreds of hours practice is, in turn, will affect my ability as a writer. For example, for the 500 hours of lessons, which I will spend to master the skills of a DJ, I can write a book, start writing a column in a prestigious journal or create a bunch of useful articles.
Back to that guy who was looking for a mentor. I gave him advice to be careful with their desire to improve themselves for the sake of self-improvement. Be careful when choosing new dreams and goals — don't chase after the next dose of dopamine to achieve the same amount of happiness, because it can hurt or deprive you of what you already have. published
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Source: muz4in.net/news/bolezn_bolshego/2017-02-13-42702
