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To value without evaluating: the art of admiration for the husband
The art of admiration the Truth that became a capital: to become better and achieve more, it is necessary to praise. For example, if you praise your child, he will grow calmer and the path will be hell on the nerves there are fewer adults around him. And if you praise the employee (corporate slang for "to give him positive feedback") — it will work better, even for less money.
Husband is no exception: he, too, man! Therefore, the law of praise and works in his case.
I would venture to suggest that to take it on faith this fact could not much and not immediately. Not need it: the world has enough scientific papers on the subject. Many years of studies, from experiments on voles at Stanford University to neuroeconomist Paul Zak – a prove that all our feelings, sensations, aspirations and as a result, achievement is largely regulated by hormonal processes.
Let's start with neuroscience and physiologymore specifically, career and social connections of a person pulls up the three workhorses – neurotransmitters and hormones: dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. From their concentration in the body directly affect our self-confidence, results orientation, ability to build social connections and not to give in to difficulties. It is important to note that the best way they operate in the triad.
A sufficient number of dopamine motivates people to achieve goals, stimulate new actions and helps to adapt to changing conditions. Flaw, respectively, leads to indecision, lack of enthusiasm and fear of everything new.
The dopamine release can be stimulated by taking vitamins and medications magnesium and zinc. But well he responds to the rituals of reward for the result. That is why strategically it is helpful to praise a loved one, even for the small achievements and big win be sure to celebrate good wine, meeting with friends, travel or gift. After an important victory, at the peak of emotion (i.e., received a dose of dopamine), it is necessary to plan a new goal: the inspired and believing in their own strength husband, no doubt, can move mountains.
Serotonin is a powerful stimulant of cognitive activity. It helps to feel their own importance and the importance. Consequently, stable self-esteem helps to raise your credibility in the eyes of others.Production of serotonin is inhibited in the body with lack of sunlight – because the walk with the baby in good weather, my husband will benefit.
The second way to raise serotonin levels – to reinforce the importance of a loved one through the expression of gratitude and respect. Simply put, returning from a walk of the husband the wife, to build a financial strategy is required to encourage a brief speech about his indispensability and great contribution to family happiness.
The third way to achieve the desired level of the hormone is to think about what has been achieved: not in vain in the offices of successful people hang their diplomas and photos of important meetings. So, while the husband with the child to master the Playground, it would be useful to design memory wall, collecting all achievements of a loved one.
Oxytocin, or the "moral molecule" is responsible for fortress social ties. It enhances trust, reduces anxiety and gives a feeling of security in society like yourself. In other words, oxytocin, we need, above all, to relations with others was not a burden but a joy. Proved that the body produces this hormone during sex, and just a gentle hug (but hugs should not be less than eight per day). Another factor stimulating the release of oxytocin – the receipt of a gift.
So far all our arguments were a bit like the description of the methods of taming, and not building relationships with friends, loved ones and the family man. But, you see, there is no evidence more convincing than those that can be measured in test tubes.
Now that I think enduring evidence of the importance of praise is enough, go to the field more subtle.
What says about praise and success psychology? In psychology research on this subject a lot, and they all in one voice say one thing: praise and do not be afraid to praise! For example, psychologists who study happiness say that happy are those couples in which partners often Express to each other their admiration. They find thousands of reasons to make a compliment, praise for success at work, to stress a good quality of character. Everything good that happens in such couples is not "needless to say/so what", and the reason to Express love and admiration to your partner. You won't believe what starts in the relationship, when the compliments and praise become their permanent attributes!
The only condition: to make compliments need to be competent, and most importantly — sincerely, experiencing love and admiration, not a desire to "remake":
a) either you don't like the man who is near;
or b) you have a very bad the most important skill of happiness –the ability to see the good in things, and his urgent need to develop!
If the latter is your option, don't panic, you are not alone. Unfortunately, our education was laid "wrong program" "more criticism and get better!". And so learning to criticize, to find fault, to say "okay, but..." — developed in us since childhood, inherited and fixed by years of training in all areas of life.
But the praise had not been taught. So you need to practice deliberately to develop it. published
Author: Elena Lyubchenko
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: womo.ua/tsenit-bez-otsenki-kak-rabotaet-zakon-pohvalyi-po-otnosheniyu-k-suprugu/
Husband is no exception: he, too, man! Therefore, the law of praise and works in his case.
I would venture to suggest that to take it on faith this fact could not much and not immediately. Not need it: the world has enough scientific papers on the subject. Many years of studies, from experiments on voles at Stanford University to neuroeconomist Paul Zak – a prove that all our feelings, sensations, aspirations and as a result, achievement is largely regulated by hormonal processes.
Let's start with neuroscience and physiologymore specifically, career and social connections of a person pulls up the three workhorses – neurotransmitters and hormones: dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin. From their concentration in the body directly affect our self-confidence, results orientation, ability to build social connections and not to give in to difficulties. It is important to note that the best way they operate in the triad.
A sufficient number of dopamine motivates people to achieve goals, stimulate new actions and helps to adapt to changing conditions. Flaw, respectively, leads to indecision, lack of enthusiasm and fear of everything new.
The dopamine release can be stimulated by taking vitamins and medications magnesium and zinc. But well he responds to the rituals of reward for the result. That is why strategically it is helpful to praise a loved one, even for the small achievements and big win be sure to celebrate good wine, meeting with friends, travel or gift. After an important victory, at the peak of emotion (i.e., received a dose of dopamine), it is necessary to plan a new goal: the inspired and believing in their own strength husband, no doubt, can move mountains.
Serotonin is a powerful stimulant of cognitive activity. It helps to feel their own importance and the importance. Consequently, stable self-esteem helps to raise your credibility in the eyes of others.Production of serotonin is inhibited in the body with lack of sunlight – because the walk with the baby in good weather, my husband will benefit.
The second way to raise serotonin levels – to reinforce the importance of a loved one through the expression of gratitude and respect. Simply put, returning from a walk of the husband the wife, to build a financial strategy is required to encourage a brief speech about his indispensability and great contribution to family happiness.
The third way to achieve the desired level of the hormone is to think about what has been achieved: not in vain in the offices of successful people hang their diplomas and photos of important meetings. So, while the husband with the child to master the Playground, it would be useful to design memory wall, collecting all achievements of a loved one.
Oxytocin, or the "moral molecule" is responsible for fortress social ties. It enhances trust, reduces anxiety and gives a feeling of security in society like yourself. In other words, oxytocin, we need, above all, to relations with others was not a burden but a joy. Proved that the body produces this hormone during sex, and just a gentle hug (but hugs should not be less than eight per day). Another factor stimulating the release of oxytocin – the receipt of a gift.
So far all our arguments were a bit like the description of the methods of taming, and not building relationships with friends, loved ones and the family man. But, you see, there is no evidence more convincing than those that can be measured in test tubes.
Now that I think enduring evidence of the importance of praise is enough, go to the field more subtle.
What says about praise and success psychology? In psychology research on this subject a lot, and they all in one voice say one thing: praise and do not be afraid to praise! For example, psychologists who study happiness say that happy are those couples in which partners often Express to each other their admiration. They find thousands of reasons to make a compliment, praise for success at work, to stress a good quality of character. Everything good that happens in such couples is not "needless to say/so what", and the reason to Express love and admiration to your partner. You won't believe what starts in the relationship, when the compliments and praise become their permanent attributes!
The only condition: to make compliments need to be competent, and most importantly — sincerely, experiencing love and admiration, not a desire to "remake":
- The compliment must be very specific. Clearly imagine what you inspired in her husband, or the compliments turn into flattery. In fact, a good compliment is a pleasant statement of fact, made by the business, contribution to the result.
- Use the phrase "because". It will help to concretize thoughts and focus on the good qualities of the person. For example: "I am so pleased that you went for food, because only you know how to choose such tasty tomatoes".
- Avoid focusing on the obvious, pay attention to the hidden qualities. For example: "it's Amazing how you managed so quickly to deal with this program."
- Do not use common words ("always", "excellent", "very", "excellent") and standard phrases. Generalizations evoke the feeling of insincerity and manipulation. Agree, any person not very nice to know that his praise formally and only to he jumped on the next rung of the career ladder.
- The compliment should not use of instructions and teachings. You say only what was good. A compliment down with a sense of superiority – it is rather something that will cause aggression, rather than gratitude and joy. In General, if your relationship with your husband is the competition and rivalry, any compliment will be perceived as a hint of your superiority and his inferiority, — that is, to have the opposite effect that we're talking about. And don't be surprised then that your "compliments" are a cause for bickering and discontent.
- Avoid ambiguity and irony in the compliments, reflect only positive qualities of a person. Do not force the interlocutor to assume that your statement has an optional subtext.
- Speak only about what they themselves believe and what you really like: hypocrisy is always felt. You probably know that most of the information a person receives is not of words, so your true attitude will make adjustments in the perception of the most perfect invented phrases.
- Alternate compliments: you can compliment the person for the same quality. Don't be a parrot. Even the greatest compliment turns into a mundane formality, if you repeat it a hundred times.
a) either you don't like the man who is near;
or b) you have a very bad the most important skill of happiness –the ability to see the good in things, and his urgent need to develop!
If the latter is your option, don't panic, you are not alone. Unfortunately, our education was laid "wrong program" "more criticism and get better!". And so learning to criticize, to find fault, to say "okay, but..." — developed in us since childhood, inherited and fixed by years of training in all areas of life.
But the praise had not been taught. So you need to practice deliberately to develop it. published
Author: Elena Lyubchenko
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Source: womo.ua/tsenit-bez-otsenki-kak-rabotaet-zakon-pohvalyi-po-otnosheniyu-k-suprugu/
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