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The ability to speak and hear "NO"
Lately I encounter information about what it means to be a Mature person in any psychological traits manifested emotional maturity, and what it means to be a child. When discussing this topic, emphasize the opportunity to build relationships and achieve success in work, to realize their creative potential. I would add that an important characteristic of a Mature personality is the ability to survive failure.
One of the objectives of development is the ability to say "no" to others, to defend their interests, to abandon what does not bring joy or contrary to the interests. The ability to say "no" is devoted to a training, because sometimes, people need time to learn to say no to others and not feel bad and uncomfortable.
But equally important task of development of a Mature personality is the willingness to be on the other side, that is, to hear "no" to your expectations and requests. "No," we tell people, "No" tells us life itself.
Tells a wonderful parable about this.
"Little Martin dreamed of a bike and on Christmas eve decided to turn to God to give him such a gift. Martin's mother heard his prayer and he was disappointed knowing that their family has no money for such a gift. At Christmas, when the boy did not get what you wanted, mother sympathetically asked him:
– You must be very offended at God because he hasn't answered your prayer?
– No, I am not offended. Because he answered my prayer. He told me "no".
In situations where "no" is perceived as punishment, the blocking of vigor and vitality, the person refuses to accept failure as a natural part of life, and begins to walk in a circle all sorts of "why?" and "why?"
"No" is present in every moment of life: we hear the denial of love, friendship, their dreams and goals we have set for ourselves.
There are several types of human response to the refusal to satisfy his needs:
– I'm poor and because I refused, and so I'm not going to ask anybody else.
– I don't deserve what I want, I need to redeem myself and maybe then everything will work out.
The world is bad and it is what I need, so looking for it is pointless.
– I will keep looking in whatever was and still succeed.
The last point seems the most pleasant, but it can also hide immature behavior. Well, when a person is able to be motivated and achieve goals, not traverus failures, but bad when the desire to succeed turns into an obsessive repetition of "give", like a child demanding a toy. If the inability to hear "no" becomes obsessive in an attempt to enter into the same closed door – you should consider your ability to accept reality.
Talking to people in my office or outside, I often find myself thinking that life would be so much easier if people would accept that not everything in this world is available. And it's neither bad nor good, it's just a fact.
Skill to say no is formed in childhood when we hear the first "No" and "Impossible." It is absolutely inevitable part of the process of development and traits of external norms, rules, boundaries and possible.
In the beginning we hear the denial in his family and immediate environment, then in kindergarten, in school. This is the time when we are called to obey and accept "No" unconditionally. This period of childhood, while the responsibility for us are adults. And if a child grows up in a supportive environment, in his life "Yes" and "Possible" quite compensate for grief.
In this case, the child perceives external constraints as a framework, the boundaries of what is permitted in this situation, and not as the offense, the punishment or the message that it is rejected. And once in adult life, it will be quite successfully cope with their feelings in a situation of failure.
And here the question is raised about what it means to "successfully handle". This does not mean that unpleasant feelings are completely absent. This means that they do not block the vitality of man, do not chase him into depression and are not satisfied with the collapse of self-esteem. Failure though, and causes negative feelings, but must exist in the context of "life goes on". But the loss of that feeling really is a psychological problem that should be solved.
If we talk about the ability of a Mature way to accept "No", the more appropriate is the concept of "Sustainability" or "Embeddedness" as internal support. Of course, there are situations of special importance for each person, the denial of which is perceived as the strongest stress. It mainly occurs when a person narrows their life to a single "want". If the situation in which the rejection is part of the multifaceted human life, even if it will salatet like a tree in a hurricane, the roots will help to survive.
We are not born with a contract in hand that will get all what you want.
No one promises that life will be cloudless.
Sergey Kovalev: About the body you have to care at least to the Soul wanted to live in it!What can't we change, changes us
The only guarantee that we have at birth, is life itself. In principle, nothing except the beating heart and the ability to see the world we are not promised.
Infantile attitude is to look at the world as on a large chest, which should always be enough milk.
While life is an unknown road on which to travel.
"No" is always the answer. The answer, from which to work and make decisions about future direction.published
Illustration: artist Wolfgang Stiller (Wolfgang Stiller). The series – People matches.
Author: Viktoria Chernyaeva
Source: psy-practice.com/publications/psikhicheskoe-zdorove/Zrelost_-_eto_gotovnost_slishat_net/
One of the objectives of development is the ability to say "no" to others, to defend their interests, to abandon what does not bring joy or contrary to the interests. The ability to say "no" is devoted to a training, because sometimes, people need time to learn to say no to others and not feel bad and uncomfortable.
But equally important task of development of a Mature personality is the willingness to be on the other side, that is, to hear "no" to your expectations and requests. "No," we tell people, "No" tells us life itself.
Tells a wonderful parable about this.
"Little Martin dreamed of a bike and on Christmas eve decided to turn to God to give him such a gift. Martin's mother heard his prayer and he was disappointed knowing that their family has no money for such a gift. At Christmas, when the boy did not get what you wanted, mother sympathetically asked him:
– You must be very offended at God because he hasn't answered your prayer?
– No, I am not offended. Because he answered my prayer. He told me "no".
In situations where "no" is perceived as punishment, the blocking of vigor and vitality, the person refuses to accept failure as a natural part of life, and begins to walk in a circle all sorts of "why?" and "why?"
"No" is present in every moment of life: we hear the denial of love, friendship, their dreams and goals we have set for ourselves.
There are several types of human response to the refusal to satisfy his needs:
– I'm poor and because I refused, and so I'm not going to ask anybody else.
– I don't deserve what I want, I need to redeem myself and maybe then everything will work out.
The world is bad and it is what I need, so looking for it is pointless.
– I will keep looking in whatever was and still succeed.
The last point seems the most pleasant, but it can also hide immature behavior. Well, when a person is able to be motivated and achieve goals, not traverus failures, but bad when the desire to succeed turns into an obsessive repetition of "give", like a child demanding a toy. If the inability to hear "no" becomes obsessive in an attempt to enter into the same closed door – you should consider your ability to accept reality.
Talking to people in my office or outside, I often find myself thinking that life would be so much easier if people would accept that not everything in this world is available. And it's neither bad nor good, it's just a fact.
Skill to say no is formed in childhood when we hear the first "No" and "Impossible." It is absolutely inevitable part of the process of development and traits of external norms, rules, boundaries and possible.
In the beginning we hear the denial in his family and immediate environment, then in kindergarten, in school. This is the time when we are called to obey and accept "No" unconditionally. This period of childhood, while the responsibility for us are adults. And if a child grows up in a supportive environment, in his life "Yes" and "Possible" quite compensate for grief.
In this case, the child perceives external constraints as a framework, the boundaries of what is permitted in this situation, and not as the offense, the punishment or the message that it is rejected. And once in adult life, it will be quite successfully cope with their feelings in a situation of failure.
And here the question is raised about what it means to "successfully handle". This does not mean that unpleasant feelings are completely absent. This means that they do not block the vitality of man, do not chase him into depression and are not satisfied with the collapse of self-esteem. Failure though, and causes negative feelings, but must exist in the context of "life goes on". But the loss of that feeling really is a psychological problem that should be solved.
If we talk about the ability of a Mature way to accept "No", the more appropriate is the concept of "Sustainability" or "Embeddedness" as internal support. Of course, there are situations of special importance for each person, the denial of which is perceived as the strongest stress. It mainly occurs when a person narrows their life to a single "want". If the situation in which the rejection is part of the multifaceted human life, even if it will salatet like a tree in a hurricane, the roots will help to survive.
We are not born with a contract in hand that will get all what you want.
No one promises that life will be cloudless.
Sergey Kovalev: About the body you have to care at least to the Soul wanted to live in it!What can't we change, changes us
The only guarantee that we have at birth, is life itself. In principle, nothing except the beating heart and the ability to see the world we are not promised.
Infantile attitude is to look at the world as on a large chest, which should always be enough milk.
While life is an unknown road on which to travel.
"No" is always the answer. The answer, from which to work and make decisions about future direction.published
Illustration: artist Wolfgang Stiller (Wolfgang Stiller). The series – People matches.
Author: Viktoria Chernyaeva
Source: psy-practice.com/publications/psikhicheskoe-zdorove/Zrelost_-_eto_gotovnost_slishat_net/