When one tries to be welcoming, open and friendly, he often goes to the other extreme: it looks cloying, fake, and Intrusive.
It is here that some of my readers are calling it "have thrown the balls" is often a mixture of soap bubbles and rotten eggs. And this often pushes more sharpness.
Boom bubble and rotten eggs once started books after Carnegie, and is still, as you will see lover's bubble, he is sure to brag that I had read Carnegie.
Carnegie is a great author, but most readers a sense of proportion is unusual, some typical of any author thought to bring to the point of absurdity. So after Carnegie came his opponent Shostrom and began to write, what not to do to anyone false compliments do compliments very often set up against you.
It's really true. Rude and rough people can be alerted at first, but communication is much more credible
, than these: "Ahhh, how wonderful, you're so beautiful, how great are you, all wonderful." Well, who needs it? Who is this trust? Especially if he sees that it is always and for any reason, flies in all directions. People are very annoyed when they are kept for fools and trying to feed mess.
I was mistaken when I said that peak is the most dangerous tool, and hooks — the most difficult. No less difficult was the balls and no less dangerous. Inappropriate "balls", especially in the beginning of the communication, can ruin your relationship not worse than foolish "peaks", and a beautiful ball to send man is not easier than to make a hook. All tools require subtlety and attention. And a sense of proportion! Without sense and without setting up a specific situation it is impossible to build effective communication.
No instructions will not help.
Following the training, communications and sales people sometimes become clowns. From ear to ear and the flow of the banal compliments aside anyone who they came across.As a result of this behaviour the person gets sticky image.
And people begin to shun him, to avoid, to disdain them. Who is nice to them stuck and began to hang on ears noodles even, and last year's syrup, from which the whole day will not be washed, and you will feel soiled.
If you like to fill up with approving comments and enthusiastic compliments to everyone who entered you into the fellowship, you begin to feel that it's your duty.Sticky image became your person.
You think people are waiting for your next review in the style of: "Oh, how beautiful you are, and your beautiful husband and your child is just a miracle. What are you wonderful, wonderful, wonderful, the best!"
Once people were really happy to receive such a comment. But that was before you began to squeal is under each photo and under the photos of their friends. If you're squealing, you need to squeal all activity. If the last photo you five times repeated so called beautiful couple, and now Ah was repeated three times and called a couple of cute, you insulted. They look awful or what? Are you disappointed in them?
The food is good, but excessive food is bad, from food it becomes a burden and slag. The same thing is happening with all the good, if you lose a sense of proportion. A sense of proportion in communication are based on good sense of boundaries.
Bad taste is always associated with a loss of respect for other people's boundaries, or loss of self esteem.Therefore, good education is the training of the boundaries and awareness of their own and others ' subjectivity
.And territorial rights
. Animals also raise their children, so it was comfortable to live in the pack. From education and a sense of boundaries depends on your comfort. Not the comfort of others, and your.
Others will find a way to isolate yourself from your bad feelings boundaries, no doubt. Especially surrounding with good boundaries. But you will suffer.
To violate the boundaries of others and the "good words", the truth of kindness in these words in fact do. Those are balls that when they hit the border, turn into rotten eggs and can make a person wince instead of pleasure. Be careful throwing balls! Do not rejoice that you are given the right to attack people this way. Balls are not to attack.
Better to remain silent than to praise the strange word "genius," or tell a stranger good girlfriend "what you have sexy thighs." In the first case above and therefore offensive, the second is too intimate and therefore too offensive. You wanted to praise, but you have insulted or offended person.
The types of rotten eggs That is the description of the balls that touch the boundary of the person and cause annoyance: 1) arrogant:
from the position higher than he sets for himself (did you want to say nice, but people only notice what you have up top)2) familiarity:
more intimate than he is comfortable (you want to say nice, but people only noticed that you got too close)3) artificial:
cliches or that you told others many times, formal, empty (you want to say nice, but people noticed that you stuffed it with plastic)4) excess:
emotionally oversaturated, too frequent or too long-winded (would you like to say nice, but people noticed just what you are Intrusive, loud, occupying too much space man)5) pointless:
not about being wrong, without the slightest understanding of the subject, which you praise (you want to say nice, but people only notice what you didn't understand or understood all on the contrary)
18 the invisible habits that can poison your lifeThe advice of wise elders: what not to say
Hence, we can conclude, how to look beautiful balloons:1.
From the position and not above or below, than the person you perceive or slightly below. 2.
Observing the distance that the person is comfortable or making a small step forward but not a leap. 3.
Sincere, reflecting your feelings, it is better that the words were even more restrained than the message. You can't just mirror or use stamps, be creative, don't save any energy if I don't want to strain better to be silent.4.
Quite rare, rather short, always in fact. The fewer and smaller the balls, the more the value of each. 5.
With an understanding of what you praise and what people wanted to show. published
Author: Marina Komissarova