Self-DECEPTION under the mask of wisdom, or Why we "don't notice" edit

Morbid jealousy sung by Shakespeare and Hollywood, but in real life more often found quite the opposite reaction to the treason of a loved one: we hide our heads in the sand and studiously pretend that everything is fine.

Once my friends found out that a girl from our company changes the husband — and naturally fell into a stupor: tell her or keep quiet?

None of us wanted to ruin her personal life, especially since she seemed happy, but her husband in the difficult task of keeping this dirty secret was the most adverse factor: we learned about his adventures because he doesn't really hide. Met with a former classmate, whom we all knew was talking about it to friends and colleagues, was home late, disappeared from the radar of the wife for the whole day, in General, a complete set.

We prayed that she guessed she even hinted at his infidelity, but she remained so blind and deaf to all the signs and clues that we just marveled. Phrases like: "he's aunt went to a sleepover, she needs something there to help her, but she doesn't like me, so I stayed home" — making us wince by the audacity with which he lied to her, but our friend clearly believed her husband.

I would like to say that one day her eyes opened and she kicked the suitcase with his belongings outside the door, but in reality, she deliberately brushed aside all our timid hints that we came to the obvious conclusion: she deliberately "not see" him cheating.

But why?

At the first suspicion of the "quick" emotion is not anger, and fear that can take the most bizarre forms. Fear of losing what you have — family, status, a loving man. Or purely financial fear.

For example, the friend who found the husband's mobile text messages from his mistress within two months after the wedding, by her own admission, said nothing simply because her first thought was: "We're still even the loan taken for the wedding Banquet and dress, had not paid!".

The unpaid loan as a symbol of the collapse — not only metaphorical love, but it is a real money pit.

Or the fear of change that most often grabs the throat of the woman whose husband went on a sex spree after fifteen years of marriage, when everything is adjusted, arranged and laid out in perfect puzzle, when the joint vacation was painted for three years forward and you're saving for a new car, and kids in a month you need to collect in school, not to mention the recent repair.

And you may fear that if now I will raise hell, he will totally go away, and there, perhaps, merely an affair of no importance, is sheer nonsense.

Somehow suppressing the first wave of horror about crumbling before our eyes, the dreams of a happy personal life, we immediately rolled back into a stage of denial. Like to believe that love can fool you, so, dirty, corny, in the style of a soap Opera?

  • He patched the roof of your grandmother after the hurricane this summer, time off from work and your super important project for three days;
  • he was a whole week dragged products from the store and cooked a terrible dinner, desperately trying when you got sick;
  • he obediently went with you to Amsterdam for belongings, sacrificing Oktoberfest — beer and friends in Munich;
  • you busted his mom out of the hospital, ran the meds and took care of it forever;
  • you're comrades who understand each other perfectly, using encryption meaningful views and always know exactly what the other person needs.

Maybe still dreaming? In the end, one suspicious call, no home, stupid phrase in Skype — all of this you could not understand, to give all this too much importance.

And if not...

And here in the midst of all this swamp of frustration and confusion blooms a little perverted, but saving hope: what if this "jump to the left" just a moment, random and meaningless booty call. He'll calm down and come back, realizing that you together the most important people in the world, and you both will forget this affair as a bad dream.

In fact, too much honor is to give importance to some carnivorous butterfly, clinging with their sharp teeth into your cabbage leaf!

And this the hope of a speedy deliverance from sudden and minor "obsession" in the person of his mistress is hastening folk wisdom with the whole wide range of rebound affirmations like "all guys cheat" and "men are polygamous", as well as numerous stories about Andrei, Sasha and uncles Igor, who also cheated on their wives, but they somehow managed and now live normal, live here in perfect harmony.

Flute-Piccolo in this band of strong emotions subtly, yet sensitive sound ashamed in front of others. In front of parents and friends, acquaintances and distant relatives, all those who sang about the horse and lilies at your wedding, to whom you boasted about your happiness.

Because, even implicitly, even in the position of victim, has an impressive pinch of guilt if he left you left means something wrong, something you're stealing. Didn't know how to cook soup with the bone, was rude to his sister, did not listen to his whining — the third evening in a row about unfair boss, recovered three kilograms, dragged him to see "Bridget Jones", but whatever.

In any case, the oil painting is written, the fear, the shame and the hope that all will manage somehow, merged in the ecstasy of blind denial.

The result — silence (it's called "women's wisdom").

By the way, at this stage the man is very easy to check on ingenuity and common sense:

  • Smart man, realizing what an advance writes his wife, turning a blind eye to his treachery, quickly wrap it up and try to make amends
  • Stupid , deciding that he had received a carte Blanche for any spree, go the whole hog — and it eventually will end in divorce.

Because even the women's patience is not infinite.published


Also interesting: Treason. The point of no return

Expectations vs reality: Love and happiness or searing drama and life-long ordeal




See also

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