"The code of St. Petersburg". Delightful humorous sketches from the life of the Northern capital

The website offers the reader a concise sketch about the life of the Northern capital from the bestselling author of "women of adamant age" Aleksandra Tsypkina. Them all — humor, irony, kind smile and endless love for St. Petersburg. Petersburg, we are, of course, adorable. Although he residents of their moves with difficulty, and his attitude towards the townspeople are noticeably bad, even to the naked eye. Now imagine Paris without people. What to watch? Grey-yellow corridors of the abandoned castle. Rome without people: an excavation from which escaped archaeologists. Dubai without people: the city of the future after a nuclear war. Empty, quiet scary. And what time of day our city looks best? Correctly, at "white night" about six o'clock in the morning. Nobody on the streets, but the feelings of loneliness no, the city still seems alive and full. Our city is beautiful without us.

The attitude of the townspeople in Peter, as the noble cat owner: "Feed, clean and do not disturb. Allowed to stick around and get postoratsya my beauty. Will behave badly, I will go to Moscow."

But, despite the sociopathy, the city manages to lure on their streets interesting people. They either choose it for his birth, or (if less lucky) come after the birth. And if you carefully look around, you can meet someone who is a "code of St. Petersburg". And no matter is in front of you is a brilliant writer or drunkard with waterways. The code emerges on his forehead.

Lady-bum Nevsky prospect. About two o'clock. I walk from Vosstaniya square. Somewhere in the area of the Fontanka next to me out of thin air materialized a lady-bum. To describe her clothes is not possible, but once you understand that she's a bum and the lady in one person. It was perfect everything from shoes to hats. Age is also to define it was difficult, but I think she remembered the area of the Rebellion even without the current of the stele. In the direction of its movement and sight, it became clear that I call it a keen interest. To portray a lamppost with a burned out light bulb was impolite to the lady and pointless in relation to the homeless. In the end, I was forced to listen to the following:

— Young man, I have had an extremely low pressure, in this regard, could you buy me a Cup of coffee?

"Young man," said

— To purchase is not ready, I will be glad to Finance.

Point while talking, had placed a woman:

— Mind — with dignity, she said.

Intelligent argument new year's holidays. Morning. People are divided into those who are already drunk, and those who are still drunk. Cross the square to the Manege, where the monuments of the famous architects. Not hot, but not cold. On the bench is nestled couple. Like to drink, and each other. Apparently, both long-term and mutual feelings. Age uncertain, as does the occupation and is likely to residence. From afar I see that the debate is serious, tough and active gestures. However, the face shines, and that means philosophical dispute. My appearance in the Park could not remain unnoticed, because apart from the monuments and the pigeons, the audience, the couple was not. And here I am all sober.

They fell silent, focusing on me the remnants of view. I confidently trampled snow. Suddenly the man's face began to play with the idea, and he, by choosing short, but the curve of the trajectory, rolled me polykrikos-whisper:

But here you are! You! Once seen, an educated man, explain to her, his whole body turned to the friend,- that Peter and Paul Cathedral was not built by Quarenghi!

Gleaming in addressing alcohol hazy eyes, I saw hope for justice. Not to meet the expectations such a person would be disgusting. By surprise, I immediately forgot who built the Cathedral that was built by Quarenghi. A connoisseur of architecture looked at me imploringly, his companion began to triumph. The man also seemed to have shrunk.

But here I got from wide leg Shaitan-machine fellow Jobs. Questioner became similar to the Indian, who saw the thugs of Cortez. While the eyes of my new friend rolled back, the Internet said that Peter and Paul Cathedral was built by Trezzini. I told hungering for truth. The man rose his head and, as if tank is-2, moved back. Approaching his beloved, he clearly said: "Well, I told you..." then turned to me and bowed.

The power of art Flying to Petersburg. My place is in the middle. Fit. Sitting on the aisle passenger has already pushed back the table, put the computer and desperately knocking on the keys. Think: "Here's a jerk! what is decayed, if neither my place nor the place of the window is still open?!"

He quickly got everything, missed me, again all laid out. Print. The plane was full, and it is obvious that the window seat will also be employed and would again have to collect all.

Could not resist and asked:

— Report on fire?

— No rhyme came.

Look at the screen — there is poetry... not bad.

From the conversation with the St. Petersburg police officer "In connection with the new law banning Peter loud sex after 23:00, calls to mobile from 22:55 to 23:00 are considered to be rudeness."

Good COP Walk down the street Pestel, drink wine from the bottle.


— Well, the young people went to register the Protocol.

— We bottle package hid!

— Package is in America, so drink up, NOT TO disappear, and drove off.


Optimist (revived a Soviet-time joke)

The "Mansarda" restaurant in St. Petersburg. Sitting with a very senior colleagues, who, in connection with the complexity of the topic, ordered vodka with caviar.

After 250 grams of caviar dried up. The waitress sheepishly playfully and slightly guilty tono

— Caviar is over, but I have something to make you happy.

All three of them, and even I, in unison:

— What?!

— Vodka is not over.

Barbara will not give Wandered with a friend at the Gallery. Looked in the Shoe Department. Boots are so-so, the saleswoman was great. While I was trying to come to terms with the lack of taste producers, a friend of mine recruited the girl with the sign "barbarian". He did it cheerfully and professionally. I finally found something acceptable, and addressed a passionate friend for advice:

— Take it, Sasha, you're right, the barbarian will not lie, and recklessly smiled at the girl.

Barbara smiled too, but differently. A few seconds she looked at looking for next adventure blockhead, I imagined the entire sequence from the first coffee to the last SMS, sad, think, weighed and decided:

The barbarian will not.

A realist From a conversation with the age from St. Petersburg:

— Youth passes — is not so bad, it turned out — the old age goes!

St. Petersburg hitting One of my friend told about the sweetest story. He lives on the third (this is important) floor of a good St. Petersburg home, with good neighbors. On the ground (this is important) is a musician from the Mariinsky theatre. A friend and I decided to "paint nights" buying a karaoke. He sang quietly, in the evening, one. Rehearsed, so to speak. Two (this is important) month, the neighbor from the first floor, facing him in the doorway, outlined its claim on you metaphorically. "Dear N... N... I'm already two months ahead. Congratulations, you are making progress, started to hit the notes".

...oops the Night. Catch on Nevsky machine. Stops older Ford, it's quite old.

— To Exchange, please. But there, in the Palace trash, so what, if anything, I'm a walking bridge will go.
— Excuse me, for God's sake, I lagged behind life. Do I understand correctly that purely semantically "trash" means "ass"?

Fatalist Leave the queue and tell the person behind me reading a book:

I will be back.

Man, not looking up from his reading:

— Who knows, who knows...

About Putin Overtake on the street a couple of homeless people, hear the conversation. He's not very sober voice: "every nation has its own destiny, and Putin is not to blame."

Alien I:

— Peter more homogeneous city than Moscow.


This is for sure, you have a gay city!

Its the Cashier at the store, in a whisper:

— I have to warn you that blueberry juice is worth two hundred and fifty rubles, the horror, of course, sorry.

Restraint is Intelligent, but emotional colleague at the meeting: "Well, not to climb the tree and... (looking at ladies)... and then sit normally on the chair!"

Leningrad's teacher — you have a Good head cypkin, but the assholes, I'm sorry for obscene word, no! And to achieve something in life, the ass needed!

— Excuse me, but why?

— Sorry to sit on it and cram!

Leningrad mom knowing about my arrhythmia, carefully warned me before the trip to Ibiza:

— Watch for pulse.

For who?

Mom with a condescending affection:

For whose can.

Leningrad friend "San, could I, a simple Leningrad pioneer, to think that will ever receive a letter from Switzerland asking to pay a fine for speeding?"

Courtesy Take the car out of impound, they say:

Good — bye.

In response to:

— Here this word is not very appropriate, better — good.

The values of Each scholar: "the Real St. Petersburg-and more worried about the fact, and find him, returned from a trip the wife the bag the seeds than a used condom".

via izbrannoe.com/news/mysli/kod-peterburzhtsa/


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