The worst enemy of all relationships

Received a letter from a man about this... “I have Read your theory about assholes... was asked to read three more of your friends. They, in turn – a couple of men with whom you have a trusting friendship.

Each recognized in himself an asshole on your theory, that is, to a greater or lesser extent, all were assholes. Dear Lily, something you do not have enough understanding of the depths of the soul psychology. It's scary. Try to think about the fact that in the soul there are still components you are not familiar with, and the conclusions to do early.

In your theory you will find yourself any man. For example, episodic manifestation can happen to anyone, even Superman. But if a woman is already familiar with Your recommendations, especially if the relationship just laid, then it is likely that it will be enough for one episode. And if so – so the theory is harmful.”

First, I do not think that to respect another person's need to be a Superman. Secondly, I do not understand why endure five episodes of humiliation early in the relationship to make the decision not in favor of degrading.

But since the letter was not the first, I thought... Maybe I really wrong, calling unpleasant word “asshole” worthy men. Bearing in mind, by the way, more psychological definition, as a psychopath, narcissist, sociopath, etc.

I just noticed that in the letter is the charges, depreciation, generalization, as attempts to create added value, manipulation of different kinds...

The woman in the relationship with this man is not sweet. After all, what man shows in contact with me, it makes all the other women – the scenario is the same. And scary is not what I write, and that “if many of us, found himself among degrading, devaluing, fixated on myself, unceremoniously violating the space of another human, we are normal, and the way of the world”.

I was thinking about the global... People and then tried to prove the depreciation, condemnation, contempt, and accusation – that's right, the laws of the universe. And I have to agree – Yes, we often this is all do to each other, especially in a relationship. It's become mundane, therefore cannot be classified as unacceptable.

Having knowledge and trying to stay in some sort of awareness, I try in a relationship to be careful with personal boundaries and careful with the feelings of another person, and that does not always work.

What about the people who don't even understand what they are doing. What one person points to another in his place, is considered to be in a relationship normal. That each tramples the other's identity, not cause resistance. “You're not a man”, “what you're a woman”...

Many just do not know how to thank partner. “He already knows”. He doesn't know, nobody knows, for what you say “thank you” if you're talking about. No one knows you're grateful, if you do not Express gratitude. No one knows what the words and the actions of others was important to you, if you didn't stop there. For example, a woman complains that the man doesn't appreciate her efforts, and she says, “well, what he does?”.

Depreciation is the worst enemy of a relationship. It kills even the strongest feelings.


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And I have to admit – to find adequate human, consciously referring to itself and to the relations, very difficult. These are few and among men and among women. Among women more because women are by nature more feeling and aims to understand the position of the other. But, in General, most live on the machine, without thinking about how their words and actions reverberate. The unconscious steers, and therapy units reach.

I've said before, confirmed now:healthy or at least healthy relationships – the path chosen.published


Author: Lilia Ahremchik




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