Bert Hellinger: the One who gave more than measures, I would leave the relationship

Give and take

Order "give and take" prescribed to us in our conscience. It serves to balance the "give and take" and exchange in our relations.

Once we take or receive something from someone, we feel obliged to give him something in return, and to give something of equal value. It means: we feel indebted to him until you give him something appropriate and extinguish the debt. After we feel towards him again, innocent and free.

This conscience does not leave us alone until we install the balance. All movements of conscience, we feel guilt and innocence, about whatever area we are talking about. Here I will limit myself to areas concerning "giving and taking".

Give and take with love

If someone gives me something, and I counterbalance it, for example, paying for it full price, relationships end. Both again follow their way.

If I'm paying too little, the relationship continues. On the one hand, because I feel indebted to him. On the other hand, because he'll be expecting something else. Only when I fully balance the situation, we become free from each other.

With loving people, everything is different. In addition to requiring a balance to the game here comes the love. This means that as soon as I got something from someone you love, I'm giving him more than even the equivalent or equal. This the other again feels in debt with me. But because he loves me, he gives me more than that needed for equilibrium.

Thus, between loving people is a growing exchange of "give and take" and, in particular, the depth of their relationship.

Disturbances in the process of "give and take"

One mess I just said: I give less than took. Same thing Vice versa, if I give another more than he can or wants to give in return.

A covering of his love of another head, I think this particular manifestation of it. For example, when trying to give him more than he can bear. Thus, they balance a relationship out of balance. Another becomes difficult again to restore equality.

And what is the result? The one who gave more than measures, I would leave the relationship.

Deviations from the measures have the opposite effect, giving rather than expecting. Between couples, where one gives more than takes, is doomed to failure.

And the same when one takes more than he is willing or can give. For example, if he is physically inferior.

In any case, and there is compensation if a handicapped partner acknowledges that it needs to take more than he can give in return, and instead of making a claim, other thanks with all my heart.

Gratitude also serves as the trim.

To pass on to balance

We are not always able to balance the situation, giving the other something in return of equal value. Can anyone give something of equal value to my parents? Or the teacher who helped him for many years? We feel owe them all my life.

Many people want to evade the burden of this debt, avoiding to accept from them anything else. They get poorer because the burden of this duty becomes too heavy. They give up on life, instead of live and enjoy life to the full. There is a simple way to restore the balance a great filling way.

Instead of having to return something, we pass it on to others. First of all, their own children, as well as many other ways in the service of life. All feel good: those who take and those who give.

Restoring the balance in the negative

The need to restore the balance we feel similarly, and sometimes even more, when others hurt us either. Then we want to make them something: "a tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye".

Both sides are waiting for this trim in a special way. Not only the victim that caused anything, but those who hurt her, becoming to her.

Victim seeks revenge. A criminal wants to get rid of his guilt, trying to atone for it. What's really going on? Do they reach equilibrium? Or the victim, as a rule, the offender causes more harm? What are the consequences?

The criminal feels this has gone too far. So he seeks balance with his hand, this time as a victim. To compensate, he once again causes another harm. And here is more than required for balance.

Thus, restore balance to the negativity increases. Instead of loving each other, they become enemies. On the premises of this behavior I will stop later. First I'll show you a solution.

Revenge with love

The need to restore balance to negative situations insurmountable. We have to embrace it. And if we try to suppress this need and to overcome it with a noble humility, for example, by forgiving him, we are risking the relationship.

The other, through the forgiveness, moving from an equal relationship to the behavior from submission to domination. The result is similar to the situation where one covers another love head, giving him more love than he can give in return.

True forgiveness can only succeed if it is mutual. For example, when both no longer return to the past even thought. Then he was allowed to leave.

The easiest way to get out of the loop more and more hurt each other suffering is when one person causes another a little less pain instead of causing as much or even more.


Phrase-manipulators who do not believeYour relationship is a reflection of what is going on inside you

This means that it is also revenge for myself, but with love. Another surprised. Both look at each other and remembered their former love. Their eyes start to glow, and restore the balance of "give and take" safely from the beginning.

In any case, both have become more cautious and attentive to each other. In the end this balance their love has become deeper.published


Bert Hellinger




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