Since the arrangement dragged me firmly and for a long time, I want to write about them in great detail. I already wrote that this placement and what laws apply to them. But I did not mention one important law. Because of him I want to say separately. He does not belong to the hierarchy, but permeates all life. It is - in my opinion - the foundation of any harmonious relationship. And any complicated relationship somehow violate it.
This balance law. In any relationship, we must strike a balance between "take" and "give." Harmonious relations in this case are like a gymnast on a rope under a canopy. With a long pole in his hand. He can only resist balancing. And if one side of the pole will outweigh - the gymnast will be broken down. Also the relationship.
How do we break the balance
For example, a woman inherently loves to give - to serve, to help, to support. And this is a problem for many to take. Accept gifts, compliments, help. At this point, it seems that you are again again something must. It is much easier not to accept to be owe. Again, give, give, give .... I know it very well on its own. And it is the behavior of women destroys relationships.
Also, there are people who are accustomed from childhood to take - they clearly know what they need. This is the "consumerism" and "parasitism". And they do what you need them to. And always try to take the maximum. At the same time they do not like to give anything - even the old stuff. Many do not like to pay taxes, but very fond of social benefits and allowances. Such examples are too many.
Of course, most of us are not completely given or completely takers. In some situations, we take too much, and some give a lot. But it is important to understand that there must be a balance in any relationship.
If you always give and give, but do not take anything - a person is in front of you a great debt. You seem to hang around his neck a huge loan that he would never give up. Firstly, you do not take anything from him. And secondly, there is the interest dropped, and fine ... Man can not live with such a burden - and he had no other option but to care. And then he is still guilty - because I gave him the best years of his life
If you take all the time, but did not give, sooner or later, exhausted partner. There comes a point when it can no longer give. And he begins to want something for all these years. He asks, demands, offended, angry ... If you're not ready to give something, the attitude is also doomed.
How to maintain a balance
It is believed that to get something good, you should always give a person a little more. That is, for example, he brought you a candy bar, and you tell him tomorrow - two. Then he do tomorrow - three. And you tell him - four. And in such a relationship love is increasing every second. Because each moment both think about how to bring happiness to his beloved and give him a little more. And everything is clear :)
But there is another exchange. If someone else does hurt. What should be done? Sit and smile? To say, "I forgive you generous?" Does this make the relationship stronger? None.
For example, the husband has changed. It comes with a confession. And his wife a tear nor reproach. Forgives. Immediately. What's happening? His guilt is multiplied a hundred times (I'm such a bastard, and my wife is a saint!). It becomes higher than that. And the family is already doomed. I love them die, because in such an imbalance, it can not live. He will live with her out of guilt. She - a sense of duty
It's not that you can not forgive. Vice versa. Forgive need. But equity position. From a systemic point of view, in this case it is necessary to respond to the partner a bad thing, but a little less.
That is in response to his betrayal of his wife is obliged to throw a scandal, not to talk to him for a while, and so on. That is to hurt him. But! A little less. And then all the bad things in the family will tend to zero.
The balance should be everywhere
But most importantly, that the exchange applies to everything around. The relations in business, at work, with friends.
I noticed that when a person gives his heart and soul to work for meager wages, it somehow fired?
Or friends who are helping you all the time, often pluck and tear relationships?
Also, the business of which is constantly pulled out money without investing anything, sooner or later die.
This natural law of growth and development all around. It is very important to learn how to balance. It is important to take all that is given to us partners, and to give - as much as is required
The only relationship in which the law works a little differently - for children and parents. Parents always just give to children. Children just take the parents. In order to give then - but not back to the parents and their children. That is, you need to and take and give. Just "in the hands».
Energy flows from ancestors to descendants, and never vice versa. We can not turn back the river of love, and if they do it, the result is sad.
Parents give us life, and this debt. Our task is to accept this gift. Take all your heart. To accept that we will never be able to return it to them. Never. It is a divine gift that we receive through their parents.
Our task is to convey the fire of life then - his children. And do not ask them to return the debts. Just watch how they transfer energy to their children and so on. This is what I write separately because the topic is too vast and vital.
How to apply it to themselves
All written recommend apply only to themselves. Only then it is possible to change something. Do not think of a partner, where he belongs. And to think - where am I, what am I doing, and what - no
If I have a lot to give, what to do? It is necessary to temporarily stop actively give. And learn to take. If given. If you do not give, you do not wait to learn when they start to give.
If I take a lot of what to do? Temporarily stop taking and start learning to give. If you do not take, what to do? At the very least, stop taking.
How to measure "more" and "less" - in terms of return a little more or a little less good bad? His own feelings and his own conscience. Each of us has within himself always knows where this face.
Everywhere whether to return the bad and whether it is normal? From my point of view, it is not normal to pretend that all is well. And in any relationship is necessary to help the partner to grow with the help of criticism as well. Form criticism may be different. In response to predatelstvo- we are obliged to respond, otherwise the relationship will collapse completely. In response to a momentary lack of attention - at its discretion, depending on the degree of heartache
Relationship - it's always an exchange and movement. Can move either up or down. Either the relationship grow stronger and develop, or die and degrade. To me this knowledge to help develop relationships. That is why I am writing about it.
I wish everyone to find the point at which it will be comfortable and easy to take everything that gives life, God and man. And at the same time as easy and joyful to give something else of Life, God and people.
Author: Olga Valyaeva