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Let your son go into the male world! Male education for real men
When I stay with our boys alone for a week or two, watching them and myself, I am acutely aware of the need for a man in the education of boys.
I’m sure that one mother, if she doesn’t have a good grandfather or uncle or some other man, like a coach, can’t raise a boy. It's very difficult. Almost impossible. They say that a girl will become a woman in any case, whether there is a father nearby or not. Yes, she may not be very harmonious, skewed, but still a woman. A boy without a man and a male upbringing is almost doomed.
Raising boys is easy and joyful when there is a father and a husband. Boys need a structure that is quite rigid, rules that are not broken, discipline. There’s a lot to explain to girls, but boys often have to face a wall to understand.
Perhaps this is why many men become real men in the army - building their inner core. And we have at home as in the army — although I do not think so, but when people find out that we have children do not have an iPad, TV, sweet, and at 6-7-8 boys go to bed according to their age (and at 5-6 already get up), they usually say this — “just some kind of army.” For us, this is the norm of life, otherwise the boys overflow, it becomes difficult to cope with them.
A man is needed to maintain this order. A woman cannot control a man, even a small one. She is always the youngest next to a man.
She has two options - to suppress his masculinity with her screams, punishments and everything else. A rag will grow and a mattress broken at the root. Because it would be unnatural and destructive for him to obey a woman, especially if she used force. Or the mother can let things go and raise an eternal boy without boundaries and responsibility. These are, of course, extreme options, in most cases, something in between grows, but there is usually too little male in it.
When a dad is around, he can give his sons a sense of reality with a single look - and sometimes a powerful roar. None of the guys would be offended, it surprised me for a long time. With all my dad’s rigor, no one is afraid of him.
On the contrary, they are being respected more and more. Because they need to feel guided by a strong man they want to be like. And yes, they stick to him like a bath sheet, follow him on his heels. This is especially noticeable after five years. It is at this age that a boy from under his mother's wing usually goes to his father. To become a man.
Yes, dad can growl, and kids quickly get it. But if I try to do the same thing - roar, bark - in response there will be resentment, tears or aggression, a serious struggle for power. Dad doesn't, he's a pack leader, everybody knows that. And my mother is constantly being tested for weaknesses, and so and so. Mother is for love, not for setting boundaries.
Yes, the mother of boys also needs to develop a commanding voice, learn to formulate their requests as orders - briefly and essentially. Not “Please close the door over there, or mosquitoes will fly in,” but “Dania, close the door, please.” That's right, that's capacious, in fact, without words. But even without a man in the house can not create harmony.
Dad's "no" is always more voluminous and firm. Dad's authority is beyond question. He is like a general to whom a son cannot but obey. Those are the rules.
That's the rule. And even Danya, in her pre-teen surge of self-esteem, will not go against Dad. But mom's nerves sometimes you can, until dad forbids and pulls.
The pope is not only an example, not only a landmark, but also a structure. Leader. Alpha male. But of course, in order for that to work, a mom has to be the first person in the house to acknowledge his leadership and not challenge. Who respects him, values him and trusts him most dearly - his sons. Otherwise, his sons will not be considered authority.
Don't deprive the boys of their father! Do not enter the male world, by our standards, sometimes male education is too strict or rigid. But this is exactly what a boy needs to become a man. Dad can talk to his son by our standards too rudely, but don't interfere. The only thing that should not be allowed is constant physical violence. Why do I say constant, because in some exceptional cases, it is still possible to reach the boy faster from vitamin R therapy?
Learn to respect your husband, your son’s father, so that the boy can grow into a real man.
What if mom's alone?
A mother who wants to raise her son alone must make super-efforts that I can hardly imagine. In order not to suppress the son and not to relax. The relaxed and irresponsible are now full — and it seems that this is exactly the generation that saw the rapid growth of single-parent families. However, the downtrodden weaklings are also enough. After all, more and more women are being brought up - mothers, teachers, teachers.
And boys need men. Real ones. Examples. Landmarks. Structure. Find one for your son. No matter where. It can be a teacher, coach, mentor, priest, someone from relatives or friends.
We had a physicist at school, around whom all the boys gathered. Even on Saturday mornings, they resorted to physics, although no one studied on Saturdays. We followed him. He was serious, strict, and full of love. A true teacher, how few.
After some time at school, he began to lead a sports section - only for boys. Because I've seen so many boys grow up without a father, without structure, without male leadership, without a strong arm. In a way, he became a father to many of these boys. And they stopped drinking beer on the benches, quitting cigarettes and other “businesses” and instead disappeared in the gym, almost every evening. Their souls craved just that, they were hungry for such male companionship.
We girls, once in their training, were in shock. Our beloved teacher almost talked to them. Our physicist! Intelligence and intelligence! And the guys didn't notice, didn't complain. On the contrary, everyone quickly grasped and tried even harder, rushing headlong into the hall three times a week after school.
The guys on his team were very different from the other boys in the parallel. Real men. Years later, most of them do not drink or smoke, have got families, children, have not divorced and are now quite successful, happy. The rest of us are lucky. Someone drinks, someone lives for two families, someone looks for himself and does not work.
Therefore, if you do not have a man in the house, find opportunities for your son to receive such male guidance.
If the father wants to communicate with him, do not interfere. If there are relatives who are ready to help, attract them more actively. Maybe his friends will have very good dads - encourage that kind of communication. Sports sections with charismatic coaches men, male teachers, mentors. May there be many good men around your son.
“Don’t get in!”: how parents raise losersThese words are the worst parental curses.
Let him go into the male world. Don't be afraid, don't hold on to him. Let him be strong so you can be proud of him. Raising boys is not as easy as it might seem. But if you have their father next to you, appreciate it and give him as many opportunities as possible to show his best qualities alongside his sons. published
Respect the father of your boys, no matter what your relationship with him is. Respect other men in this world. Respect the men in your boys. And it will work out.
Author: Olga Valyaeva, a chapter from the book “Destination to be a mother”.
Source: www.valyaeva.ru/muzhskoe-vospitanie-dlya-nastoyashhix-muzhchin/
I’m sure that one mother, if she doesn’t have a good grandfather or uncle or some other man, like a coach, can’t raise a boy. It's very difficult. Almost impossible. They say that a girl will become a woman in any case, whether there is a father nearby or not. Yes, she may not be very harmonious, skewed, but still a woman. A boy without a man and a male upbringing is almost doomed.
Raising boys is easy and joyful when there is a father and a husband. Boys need a structure that is quite rigid, rules that are not broken, discipline. There’s a lot to explain to girls, but boys often have to face a wall to understand.
Perhaps this is why many men become real men in the army - building their inner core. And we have at home as in the army — although I do not think so, but when people find out that we have children do not have an iPad, TV, sweet, and at 6-7-8 boys go to bed according to their age (and at 5-6 already get up), they usually say this — “just some kind of army.” For us, this is the norm of life, otherwise the boys overflow, it becomes difficult to cope with them.
A man is needed to maintain this order. A woman cannot control a man, even a small one. She is always the youngest next to a man.
She has two options - to suppress his masculinity with her screams, punishments and everything else. A rag will grow and a mattress broken at the root. Because it would be unnatural and destructive for him to obey a woman, especially if she used force. Or the mother can let things go and raise an eternal boy without boundaries and responsibility. These are, of course, extreme options, in most cases, something in between grows, but there is usually too little male in it.
When a dad is around, he can give his sons a sense of reality with a single look - and sometimes a powerful roar. None of the guys would be offended, it surprised me for a long time. With all my dad’s rigor, no one is afraid of him.
On the contrary, they are being respected more and more. Because they need to feel guided by a strong man they want to be like. And yes, they stick to him like a bath sheet, follow him on his heels. This is especially noticeable after five years. It is at this age that a boy from under his mother's wing usually goes to his father. To become a man.
Yes, dad can growl, and kids quickly get it. But if I try to do the same thing - roar, bark - in response there will be resentment, tears or aggression, a serious struggle for power. Dad doesn't, he's a pack leader, everybody knows that. And my mother is constantly being tested for weaknesses, and so and so. Mother is for love, not for setting boundaries.
Yes, the mother of boys also needs to develop a commanding voice, learn to formulate their requests as orders - briefly and essentially. Not “Please close the door over there, or mosquitoes will fly in,” but “Dania, close the door, please.” That's right, that's capacious, in fact, without words. But even without a man in the house can not create harmony.
Dad's "no" is always more voluminous and firm. Dad's authority is beyond question. He is like a general to whom a son cannot but obey. Those are the rules.
That's the rule. And even Danya, in her pre-teen surge of self-esteem, will not go against Dad. But mom's nerves sometimes you can, until dad forbids and pulls.
The pope is not only an example, not only a landmark, but also a structure. Leader. Alpha male. But of course, in order for that to work, a mom has to be the first person in the house to acknowledge his leadership and not challenge. Who respects him, values him and trusts him most dearly - his sons. Otherwise, his sons will not be considered authority.
Don't deprive the boys of their father! Do not enter the male world, by our standards, sometimes male education is too strict or rigid. But this is exactly what a boy needs to become a man. Dad can talk to his son by our standards too rudely, but don't interfere. The only thing that should not be allowed is constant physical violence. Why do I say constant, because in some exceptional cases, it is still possible to reach the boy faster from vitamin R therapy?
Learn to respect your husband, your son’s father, so that the boy can grow into a real man.
What if mom's alone?
A mother who wants to raise her son alone must make super-efforts that I can hardly imagine. In order not to suppress the son and not to relax. The relaxed and irresponsible are now full — and it seems that this is exactly the generation that saw the rapid growth of single-parent families. However, the downtrodden weaklings are also enough. After all, more and more women are being brought up - mothers, teachers, teachers.
And boys need men. Real ones. Examples. Landmarks. Structure. Find one for your son. No matter where. It can be a teacher, coach, mentor, priest, someone from relatives or friends.
We had a physicist at school, around whom all the boys gathered. Even on Saturday mornings, they resorted to physics, although no one studied on Saturdays. We followed him. He was serious, strict, and full of love. A true teacher, how few.
After some time at school, he began to lead a sports section - only for boys. Because I've seen so many boys grow up without a father, without structure, without male leadership, without a strong arm. In a way, he became a father to many of these boys. And they stopped drinking beer on the benches, quitting cigarettes and other “businesses” and instead disappeared in the gym, almost every evening. Their souls craved just that, they were hungry for such male companionship.
We girls, once in their training, were in shock. Our beloved teacher almost talked to them. Our physicist! Intelligence and intelligence! And the guys didn't notice, didn't complain. On the contrary, everyone quickly grasped and tried even harder, rushing headlong into the hall three times a week after school.
The guys on his team were very different from the other boys in the parallel. Real men. Years later, most of them do not drink or smoke, have got families, children, have not divorced and are now quite successful, happy. The rest of us are lucky. Someone drinks, someone lives for two families, someone looks for himself and does not work.
Therefore, if you do not have a man in the house, find opportunities for your son to receive such male guidance.
If the father wants to communicate with him, do not interfere. If there are relatives who are ready to help, attract them more actively. Maybe his friends will have very good dads - encourage that kind of communication. Sports sections with charismatic coaches men, male teachers, mentors. May there be many good men around your son.
“Don’t get in!”: how parents raise losersThese words are the worst parental curses.
Let him go into the male world. Don't be afraid, don't hold on to him. Let him be strong so you can be proud of him. Raising boys is not as easy as it might seem. But if you have their father next to you, appreciate it and give him as many opportunities as possible to show his best qualities alongside his sons. published
Respect the father of your boys, no matter what your relationship with him is. Respect other men in this world. Respect the men in your boys. And it will work out.
Author: Olga Valyaeva, a chapter from the book “Destination to be a mother”.
Source: www.valyaeva.ru/muzhskoe-vospitanie-dlya-nastoyashhix-muzhchin/
