Hardcore close relationship

Eleven million eighty nine thousand seven hundred fifty seven

Fear of intimacy is generally adequate, if you understand what person can face in a relationship.

First, having a partner gives you the opportunity to project something on him that I deny in myself. On the one hand the meeting with you can be very painful, I know that I'm not much of a wonderful person, as I thought before. On the other hand it's great if such things to observe, you can work to restore its integrity. And if you do not work on yourself, then you can successfully pass the buck for their internal processes on the other, that also can be considered a plus:) so while I'm not alone, there is someone who carries my burden.

Secondly, with the unpleasant feelings, such as shame, anger, pain. Up childhood trauma. After all, when one, there is no triggers that cause the rest of this layer.

Thirdly, most people are in a close relationship to what people needed from childhood: the support, attention, care, recognition. But in experience it appears that not only that, not the fact that he'll get it, plus more and you can see that now, still really no one to be my mom and dad. Although, in General, many people manage quite a long time to play the role of parents to each other, until finally stuffy from peer review and affirmation.

The perception of the partner as an object to meet my children's needs is children's perception. Children really don't see the parents living creatures from time to time, especially if the parents don't admit this to their children, for example that sometimes too afraid, ashamed, vinyus, angry, tired, hate, feel helpless, don't know something, are confused, want and dream, and struggling to play the role of a strong and omnipotent.

Well, since the child to feel safe while he is growing up, it's a parent, strong, not afraid of anything, the Almighty, the child tries to ignore any "human" (in contrast to "the divine one") manifestation of their parents, idealize them. Disappointment in the divine nature of his parents and himself — a process of recovery really are. Recovery means vulnerability, fragility, sensitivity, that is, something so much want to avoid in order to avoid any suffering.

If earlier relationships were a way of survival, now that everyone can own a living to earn and socks to wash, they begin to be a way of self-development.

источник:ivejournal.com

Source: /users/1077