Creator and destroyer — who are You in a relationship Bashny.Net

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Psychologist John Gottman has researched the relationship about a thousand pairs to identify the components of strong families. For his research, he created the "Laboratory of Love". Spouses connected to the electrodes and talked to them on the subject of relationships. During the conversation, the electrodes measured the blood flow, heartbeat and sweating. Six years later, he compared the same indicators of these pairs. To this point, some divorced, some stayed together.

Creators and destroyers

Gottman separated the couples into two groups: creators and destroyers. Creators and after six years was also happy with each other. Destroyers or divorced, or lived in an unhappy marriage.

Arousal is the root of all evil

Destroyers were given their physiology: despite his outward calm, their heart rate was accelerated, sweat glands worked in increased activity, blood flow was observed greater speed. All these couples had a higher level of nervous excitability. The creators, on the other hand was discovered a low level of physiological arousal.





Dissent

Scientist noted that during a conversation with a partner destroyers showed hidden aggression or status attack/defense. They reacted very dramatically to each other's questions. For example, the question his wife about how the day went, the husband replied that it was better to tell her about how she spent her!

The atmosphere in the family

The creators managed to create an atmosphere of trust and intimacy in the family. And even the negativity they served without aggression. Obviously, these couples have thought about divorce.

The response to requests

Couples in which said one of the partners, the response from the other, have a good future. Those in which one partner exhibits indifference make your first confident step toward collapse. For example, when the husband, noticing the bird, saying, “Look at her plumage!”, he asks for some reciprocal interest from his wife. And she might react differently, be interested in and understand the admiration of her husband, to answer testily that he distracts her, indifferent to nod. According to statistics, couples who six years later were still together, showed interest to the preferences of spouse 87% of the time!

Positive thinking

There is another pattern. Creators think positively: they are looking for a subject for delight in the world. Destroyers – a subject for criticism. Contempt – a huge factor that separates the pair. Destroyers miss 50 percent of positive things coming from their spouse. In addition, their behavior they do partner physically weak, unable to cope with the disease.

Kindness

The key to a strong family — kindness. This quality gives the partner the feeling of being in love with him. Besides, kindness is contagious. Partners pass each other the ball. And this game does not end.





Generosity

Durability pairs also provides such quality as generosity. If one partner is tired, and the other need his support, its first still gives. Thus he makes effort. But otherwise, he will receive support from your partner as well.

A mild expression of anger

Strong and durable pairs partners do not show aggression to each other. They talk about their negative feelings, they brought the behavior of a spouse. And he understands and next time, not repeating the mistake.

The ability to enjoy each other

Sincere joy for success partner is also distinguished by a pair of creators from pairs of destroyers. Deep joy, experience wins wife or husband as their own – much more important than sympathy.

 

Source: hochu.ua

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