Inconvenient baby Bashny.Net

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I have with interest received from life lessons and shakes related to my obedience, excessive modesty, timidity is the result of parenting. I painfully and slowly released from the complexes. Long learned not to be afraid to say what I think, with something to agree, to protect their beliefs, to stand up for yourself, to make your own decisions, to make choices. To take responsibility for their lives.

Even as a mother, I was still under the tie and put me in childhood. It is not surprising that my daughter and I began to brought up that way: managed, controlled, looked after, sought obedience, compliance framework and rules that I was determined. Many years have passed, yet I had not changed, not freed from their obedience, and while I did not raise her differently, respect her personality. Helping her to grow independent and strong, independent from the opinions of others, aware of its uniqueness and the need to build their own life the way she sees fit. Passing own experience of his life.

But when my grown daughter a son was born and I have a new grandson Nikita – issues, how to educate, we were not. It needs to grow free and independent. It needs to feel like master of your life, to be able to be yourself. We immediately implicitly recognized its right to have their wishes, to freely explore this world. And we had an uncomfortable child Nikita. Sometimes it is just a very uncomfortable child.

He doesn't eat what he doesn't want to eat, and it's pointless to reason with him and even more to make.

He chooses what clothes he should wear in the garden, and it does not argue – he won't wear that sweater, which he palmed off mom or I, he will wear the one that you pick.

He invents some of his rules – what should be in his chest or where to sit his favorite frog to use. And what we find in the chest entire reservoir "valuables" type of wrappers from chewing gums, debris, brush for clothes, I searched in vain for two weeks, computer discs, lumps of clay, etc. – no surprise. The child has the right to decide what and where must be.

He feels himself the master of life and the main man in the apartment. And as is sometimes uncomfortable for adults!

He can go to my room, to see on the table two new spools of thread, joyfully take them into his hands and saying "I find it very useful to" go to your room. And I have to stop him and explain what threads are mine, they need me, and I can't give him them, though they are also "very useful".

It's really uncomfortable child, because he can't be ordered, it is necessary to negotiate. We do not want to use harsh parenting techniques, and practice shows it to someone shout or criticism gives a powerful and strong back.

He does not agree with humiliation in any form. He is for himself. He stands for itself in every sense. He demands what he wants. And as it is inconvenient for parents!

He defends his right to walk another ten minutes. He very rarely agrees with any proposal. He offers his own version and will defend your option. He always tries to get what she wants. He is the master of life.

I remember the situation, when he, three years, I went to the children's clinic. And there I saw firsthand the difference between comfortable and uncomfortable children.

Comfortable children sat next to their mothers, they were told to sit they sat. Although there was so much interesting! Painted walls depicted scenes from cartoons. Large tubs with flowers attracted attention. Changing tables could be a great roof for a makeshift house, folding chairs can be closed or open – what fun!

But mom said easy to children to sit and they sat. And we with Nikita, that is, was running around the corridor. Because the world around him was interesting. And he examined and touched everything that you can touch, even poked in the tub with the ground. He enjoyed hiding under the changing table and enthusiastically closed and opened all the free chairs. He even managed to crawl over the floor – there's a very different perspective. And all the time I was with him because he was too young to let him go at large distances from yourself.

And I envied the moms sitting next to them already dead – mannered and obedient children. Well im sitting! With an uncomfortable child will not sit. It is necessary to be alert. He needs help to explore the world. His right to freedom of movement in this world need to support. Thus it is necessary to put the necessary boundaries that it is impossible to do, for example, to go to any office where there is a reception. But, respecting the identity of this awkward child, he can't just yell "wrong way!", because he does not accept direct prohibitions, he defends his desire to be where he wants to be. He needs to calmly and respectfully explain why you can not. And it is also inconvenient. It's much easier to shout and ban!

I often watched how the child behaves in the yard, talking to people.

He boldly goes to the people – adults or children. Goes without thinking that he could not accept that he may be out of place.

It is suitable for older children, putting in the yard bike, asked what they were doing. He takes some tools or items to examine them closer. All this world is for him. He yet dared in this world.

Touching and examining everything that he is interested, he walks away from the guys and moves on to some new goals to the pool, where you can walk to a beautiful pebble and behind him stretch the "boys".

Each time I marveled at this spectacle: there is this baby – the navel of the earth, down, stamping his feet, pigeon-toed, kind of funny little man – and he has a string of teenage boys. For some reason they want to communicate with him further.

Once I was walking home and me at the entrance stopped one boy.

– And Nikita comes out? he asked.

Question I was just confused – why would he, Nikita? That he, a boy of ten, and receives from communication with him, if waiting for when he'll go for a walk?

But they just get something from a conversation with a little person – a sense of self-worth, a sense of "goodness" when help Nikita, something explained to him.

A month after the start of training his grandson in this (far from ordinary, good school!) – put it in the corner in front of the whole class for what it is, not knowing the answer to the riddle that made the teacher rewrote his response, the boy next door.

– How was there, in the corner? I asked him when he came from school and told me about it. – How did you survive?

He only sighed, showing how he didn't like it. Then he said:

– It's OK, Mary.

– You got a good lesson, dear, it is not necessary to rewrite other people's answers and have to live with your head. Of course, I don't think it's right that the teacher puts you in a corner. But she must have decided that this will help you to learn well. Learn well yourself, dear, then you won't have to worry about when you put in the corner, ' I said.

And she thought: if I had, that little girl-first-grader that I was, timid, anxious, afraid of everyone and everything, going through every little thing, is put in a corner in front of the class, I would have just died at the same moment! And he: "Yes, okay, Mary!"

We have discussed this situation with the daughter to speak with the teacher about her interactions with children. And decided not to speak. You can not protect our child from life. Criticism, punishment and rejection – style of this world. He should be able to survive in this world with his style. To learn to live in it – with our help.

The second time he found himself in the corner after a week. Because was screaming, running down the corridor at recess. He told me about it when we were driving home from school on the bus. Told and driver shouted as loud as he can:

– Stop, please stop!

And he said to me sadly:

– At least somewhere my loud voice can come in handy!

And I'm with gentleness, even with tenderness looked at the little wise man. And as we walked home, we talked about school. About her rules about where it can be useful in a loud voice. How not to get into a corner.

– For the third time, Mary, I will not fall! – confidently said to me grandson.

– Why are you so sure? I asked, not doubting that he'll get there again and again.

– There is no third time! he said as a vow. And explained:
Because if you get there for the third time, you gonna stand there all day and at lunch will go home and won't let you go!..

I reassured him that it will be released for lunch and go home. Your mom just won't let didn't let him go. But he stressed that it is better to behave consciously in order not to fall into the corner.

Our baby came into the world. Him in this world, only time will tell. As he is ready to survive in it, to survive and to be happy, successful, too, time will tell. We will be there for him. Not found. Nearby, behind him.

So he could go in life with your choices, your insights, with your decisions.

And every time I see his classmates, friends, kids on the streets, I could not help thinking: "What adults will grow them? What fate await these kids? What kind of life will these children live?"

And she answer: "one that will help them to create their parents – their faith or lack of faith in them, their support or rejection of them, their positive or negative beliefs about life that they will give".

Let's be good, good helpers of our children! Let's help them grow up strong, confident, responsible, large, free and colourful people.

And at least for us, their parents, today may not be very convenient neighborhood of such a growing freely in exploring the child's world, self-identity – it will be necessary to him, to his life in which he can achieve, to realize themselves go to God By coming to him. Live your own life. And to be happy.

In the future, we, his old parents – experienced the joy of such an adult our child, feeling the support, protection this held in all senses of the personality.

So we were happy with him in our old age.

So be it! published

Author: Marusya Svetlova from the book "the Art of being a parent"

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

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