308
Exposing the ideal: to love and be loved
Twenty two million thirty thousand five hundred twenty eight
Proximity. First I run into her. This is a natural human desire. Then from her. After all, it is clear that at a minimum distance another, sooner or later, will notice my fears, injuries, zablujena. It all mercilessly exposed in the relationship. And you have to not just look but to SEE — to accept the horrific, catastrophic, unbearable fact that I have it all. Yes, all is healed, scarring is being developed, but it later. First to recognize the presence of that most painfully.
Whether it love — bright feel, how I cosmically good! One problem, the old, naturally want to come closer, one step and another ten, and covers some flies, are melting at such a distance... And that partner is already with suspicion narrows his eyes — detected spots on the sun blinding behalf of me. And the spots, by the way, too are not idle.
Finally, at some point, when we have a little potresa each other (and, unfortunately, I am not talking about the fascinating bedding of the event), man says: look what you've got; you know, this brings difficulties in our relationship.
And I think: well everything, it got me, I'm not cosmically good, and ugly, and now he will probably go. Myself to confess not want, not to mention how to open comeniusa lips and say out loud: Yes, I do have such a complex trait. Not even one. I'm working on it. I need time and your belief that I can handle it. I would like to add: just, please, continue to love me for who I am now.
But these words need not pay to the partner, and to yourself.
I can't forgive myself for wounds and scars — my pain seems unbearable ugliness, which I just don't have the right to live and be loved, and need to wrap myself in a burqa and not out of it, yet can't cure everything with a psychologist until I was perfect-perfect, crystal clear, wise and calm, till I that love the other person truly deserve... Love, must be earned, Yes? Somewhere in the back this setup lives. You deserve my love. You don't deserve my love... And even if the first important figure anything out loud did not speak, all parents — people live, could demonstrate and frustration and suspension of non-verbal, and the little man considered it my own way: so, that's the way (three in the diary, for example) don't love me, leave me, I must be really bad…
It's all whimsical features of the psyche, nobody's fault — was that. But a bunch of "non-ideal = the danger of losing the one you love" etched in memory.
And now, twenty years later, I still automatically guided by those about children's interpretation. To divert attention from my partner's imperfection, pay "righteous anger" on his imperfections. Of course they are, perhaps they do cause some problems in the relationship. It is possible to discuss and work together to create a space for mutual nourishment and growth. But no! I just do not know how, for me, there are only two poles: rigid conformity to the ideal or the gap. I don't give myself time to heal their wounds — and are not able to partner to give him time. Afraid of being rejected by him is rejected first.
Intimacy requires courage. Not courage as a brief manifestation, namely courage — quality long-distance. To open another and at the same time afford to BE, with all their stories, bugs, features and limitations, battle scars and pain that it takes like forever, then flood the whole thing.
Intimacy is impossible without faith. Faith in the internal mechanisms of self-healing. Faith in the fact that I'm a good person, even if right now it is impossible to maintain awareness and to escape from the usual scenario. Faith in the fact that we are both worthy love such what we are.
Intimacy requires compassionate patience. Palubnaya itself (not in the Russian language such words in Ukrainian, my friend said), again the habit of presenting to his high benchmark and getting back to that unconditional acceptance... And in relation to partner — step by step approaching, touching, gentler and kinder.
That's what I study now — the woman who always was intolerant, demanding, and cruel. To itself in the first place.
PS.: end excerpt from the book Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche "Overcoming spiritual materialism", which helps me through moments of acute dislike and rejection of himself.
Question: When I see ugliness in myself, I don't know how I make it and I try not to take it and change, or somehow get rid of it.
A: And we don't need to hide anything, no need to change anything. When you see a deformity, it's just a biased opinion. You see something as a handicap; it is still associated with ideas of "good" and "bad". And you need to leave behind even these words "good" and "bad"; we must all emerge from the sphere of words and conceptual ideas, and just go with what you is; to go deeper and deeper. First glimpse have not enough; you have to consider and detail, without judging, without using words and concepts. Full disclosure in relation to itself and there is disclosure to the world.published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©
Source: /users/9001
Proximity. First I run into her. This is a natural human desire. Then from her. After all, it is clear that at a minimum distance another, sooner or later, will notice my fears, injuries, zablujena. It all mercilessly exposed in the relationship. And you have to not just look but to SEE — to accept the horrific, catastrophic, unbearable fact that I have it all. Yes, all is healed, scarring is being developed, but it later. First to recognize the presence of that most painfully.
Whether it love — bright feel, how I cosmically good! One problem, the old, naturally want to come closer, one step and another ten, and covers some flies, are melting at such a distance... And that partner is already with suspicion narrows his eyes — detected spots on the sun blinding behalf of me. And the spots, by the way, too are not idle.
Finally, at some point, when we have a little potresa each other (and, unfortunately, I am not talking about the fascinating bedding of the event), man says: look what you've got; you know, this brings difficulties in our relationship.
And I think: well everything, it got me, I'm not cosmically good, and ugly, and now he will probably go. Myself to confess not want, not to mention how to open comeniusa lips and say out loud: Yes, I do have such a complex trait. Not even one. I'm working on it. I need time and your belief that I can handle it. I would like to add: just, please, continue to love me for who I am now.
But these words need not pay to the partner, and to yourself.
I can't forgive myself for wounds and scars — my pain seems unbearable ugliness, which I just don't have the right to live and be loved, and need to wrap myself in a burqa and not out of it, yet can't cure everything with a psychologist until I was perfect-perfect, crystal clear, wise and calm, till I that love the other person truly deserve... Love, must be earned, Yes? Somewhere in the back this setup lives. You deserve my love. You don't deserve my love... And even if the first important figure anything out loud did not speak, all parents — people live, could demonstrate and frustration and suspension of non-verbal, and the little man considered it my own way: so, that's the way (three in the diary, for example) don't love me, leave me, I must be really bad…
It's all whimsical features of the psyche, nobody's fault — was that. But a bunch of "non-ideal = the danger of losing the one you love" etched in memory.
And now, twenty years later, I still automatically guided by those about children's interpretation. To divert attention from my partner's imperfection, pay "righteous anger" on his imperfections. Of course they are, perhaps they do cause some problems in the relationship. It is possible to discuss and work together to create a space for mutual nourishment and growth. But no! I just do not know how, for me, there are only two poles: rigid conformity to the ideal or the gap. I don't give myself time to heal their wounds — and are not able to partner to give him time. Afraid of being rejected by him is rejected first.
Intimacy requires courage. Not courage as a brief manifestation, namely courage — quality long-distance. To open another and at the same time afford to BE, with all their stories, bugs, features and limitations, battle scars and pain that it takes like forever, then flood the whole thing.
Intimacy is impossible without faith. Faith in the internal mechanisms of self-healing. Faith in the fact that I'm a good person, even if right now it is impossible to maintain awareness and to escape from the usual scenario. Faith in the fact that we are both worthy love such what we are.
Intimacy requires compassionate patience. Palubnaya itself (not in the Russian language such words in Ukrainian, my friend said), again the habit of presenting to his high benchmark and getting back to that unconditional acceptance... And in relation to partner — step by step approaching, touching, gentler and kinder.
That's what I study now — the woman who always was intolerant, demanding, and cruel. To itself in the first place.
PS.: end excerpt from the book Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche "Overcoming spiritual materialism", which helps me through moments of acute dislike and rejection of himself.
Question: When I see ugliness in myself, I don't know how I make it and I try not to take it and change, or somehow get rid of it.
A: And we don't need to hide anything, no need to change anything. When you see a deformity, it's just a biased opinion. You see something as a handicap; it is still associated with ideas of "good" and "bad". And you need to leave behind even these words "good" and "bad"; we must all emerge from the sphere of words and conceptual ideas, and just go with what you is; to go deeper and deeper. First glimpse have not enough; you have to consider and detail, without judging, without using words and concepts. Full disclosure in relation to itself and there is disclosure to the world.published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©
Source: /users/9001
