Unfriendly people (also referred to as "toxic") defy logic. Some of them arrive blissfully unaware of the negative impact they have on others, others seem to derive satisfaction from creating chaos and pressure on other people. Either way, they create unnecessary complexity, strife and the worst is the stress.
Studies have shown that tension and stress can have long-term negative impact on the brain. The impact of even a few days of stress compromises the effectiveness of neurons in the hippocampus — an important brain region responsible for logical thinking and memory. Weeks of stress cause reversible damage to neuronal dendrites (the small “spikes” that brain cells use to transmit nerve impulses), and months of stress can permanently destroy neurons. Voltage, out-of-control — a huge threat to your success. Suffers and your brain, and performance.
Most sources of stress at work, identify quite simple. If your nonprofit organization is working to get the grant necessary for its further functioning, you probably feel stress and likely know how to handle him. Unexpected sources of tension and stress, found you completely by surprise harm you much more.
A recent study of the Department of biological and clinical psychology at the Friedrich Schiller University in Germany showed that exposure to stimuli that cause strong negative emotions in the same way that you get when dealing with negative (toxic) people causing you great stress. Showing their negativity, cruelty, demonstrating the victim syndrome, or simple madness, these people cause stress in the brain, which you need to try to avoid at all costs.
The ability to manage emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct relationship with productivity. Company TalentSmart conducted research in which participated more than a million people. This survey showed that 90% of the most productive people have the skills to control their emotions in time of stress, you can stay calm and keep self-control. One of the biggest advantages is the ability to neutralize negative people. High performance people have well-honed coping strategies that they have successfully used to keep energy vampires in side.
After studying numerous effective strategies that successful people use when dealing with difficult opponents, I selected the twelve best. In order to cope effectively with toxic people, you'll need an approach that will allow you to control everything, and eliminate the rest. It is important to remember that you really controlled much more than it seems.They set limits (especially when dealing with those who constantly complains)
One who constantly complains and has negative attitude — not a good conversationalist because this person is simply floundering in their problems and not seeking solutions. These people involve others in their troubles, cry in his waistcoat, to the expense of others to feel better. Many are under internal tension, but listen to complaints, so as not to seem rude or insensitive, but there's a fine line between the suggestion of your vest for tears and a willingness to be drawn into the vortex of others negative emotions.
You can avoid this only if we set boundaries and can, if necessary, to distance. Think of it this way: if the complaining person Smoking, would you sit all day beside him, inhaling tobacco smoke? Surely you would have gone away. You also need to handle complaints. A great way to set boundaries is to ask the person complaining how he intends to solve their problem. He'll either calm down or redirect the conversation in a productive direction.They don't die in the fight
Successful people know how important it is to understand that the retreat does not mean surrender, especially when your opponent is toxic. During the conflict, uncontrolled emotions cause you to stand your ground and fight till the end, until you will suffer serious psychological damage. If you recognize and properly react to your emotions, you are able to choose the method battles wisely and only stand your ground when it comes the right time.They rise above the situation
Toxic people drive you crazy because their behavior seems irrational. Their behavior really goes against common sense. But why do you allow yourself to react emotionally and become hostage to their delusional state? The more irrational and in a creative way a person behaves, the easier it should be to communicate with him and avoid his traps. Do not try to beat him at his own game. You distance yourself from this person emotionally and start to treat him as an object of study (as the therapist applies to your patient, if you close this analogy). You don't have to respond to the emotional chaos — only the facts.They understand their emotions
is the Process of maintaining emotional distance must occur consciously. You will not be able to prevent a person to put pressure on your weak areas if you do not understand what is happening. Sometimes you will be in situations when you need to regroup and choose the best way forward. That's fine, and you should not be afraid to spend for these processes the time.
Think of it this way: if a mentally ill person approaches you on the street and say that he is John F. Kennedy, you are unlikely to change his mind. Likewise, if you face with a colleague whose thoughts are far from reality, just smile and nod. If you need to interact with such a person, try to plan the best way to deal with this problem.They establish boundaries
This is the area where most people underestimate their own abilities. This is because many work or live with people, in dealing with which there is uncontrolled chaos. But once you find your way to rise above these people and their behavior seem more predictable and understandable. This will give you the opportunity to rationally approach the issue of when and where their behavior is acceptable or not acceptable. For example, even if you work closely with someone in the same project group, it does not mean that you have to communicate with him tete-a-tete, and generally have the same relationship as with other members of the team.
You can set a boundary, but you will have to do it consciously and in advance. If you allow events to run their course, they will constantly be drawn into the heavy, unnecessary talking. If you set boundaries and decide when and where you intend to communicate with any difficult person, you will be able to manage most of the chaos. The main point is to stand your ground and protect the border, when your opponent tries to break them.They won't let anyone limit your joy
If your joy and satisfaction depends on other people's opinions, then you are the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel satisfaction with whatever their action, they do not allow nichemu opinion, or caustic remarks to spoil your mood.
Although the man may not react to the opinions of others about themselves, to compare themselves with others is not necessary – the public opinion should be taken with a grain of salt. Thus, regardless of what you think, or do toxic people, your self-esteem will remain unchanged. Regardless of which opinion is formed about you in the particular situation of others, one thing is certain — you are no good or as bad as you think about.They do not focus on the problems on their decision
on which you're focusing your attention determines your emotional state. If you focus on the problems faced, you create and stir up negative emotions and stress. If you focus on ways of self-improvement and their circumstances, you create a sense of personal effectiveness, getting positive emotions and reducing stress levels.
As for toxic people, focus on how they are difficult to communicate and is far from reality, gives them power over you. Stop thinking about how malicious is your opponent. Instead, consider how to communicate with him. So you become more efficient, will be able to establish control over the situation, reduce the degree of tension that you experience of interacting with it.They don't forget
Emotionally literate people are quick to forgive, but that doesn't mean that they forget. To forgive means to "let go" of what happened and move on. But this does not mean that you should give the offender a second chance. Successful people do not want to get bogged down in the mistakes of others — they quickly settle the problem in the future and persevere in defending yourself from harm.They suppress the negative internal dialogue
Sometimes we absorb the negativity of other people. There is nothing strange in the fact that you are upset because of how you act, but your internal dialogue (your thoughts about your own feelings) can either intensify the negativity or help you move away from him. Negative internal dialogue is not realistic, not needed – it has had a detrimental effect on you. He kind of sends you down an emotional spiral from which it is difficult to find a way out. You must avoid negative internal dialogue at any cost.They limit their caffeine intake
Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of a reflex “fight or flight” survival mechanism that forces you, when faced with a threat, to stand and fight or to flee without looking back. The mechanism of “fight or flight” suppresses rational thinking in favor of a more rapid response to the situation. This is very useful if you are chased by the bear, but not suitable if you met in the hallway an angry colleague.They sleep
I struggled with this issue for many years and can't tell in a few words about the importance of sleep to strengthen your emotional literacy and ability to control stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, processing the memories of the day, preserving or discarding them (this is the reason for our dreams) so that you woke up this morning full of energy and with a clear mind. Your self-control, attention and memory — all is suffering, if you enough sleep. Lack of sleep increases the level of stress in itself even without the actual stimulus.
A good night's sleep makes you more positive, creative, and your approach to dealing with toxic people is proactive. Only sleep, you will be able to create a strategy necessary for effective interaction with challenging opponents.They use their support system
it's Tempting, but entirely ineffective, to attempt to do everything alone. To deal with toxic people, you must acknowledge weaknesses in your approach to dealing with them. You'll need to connect your system support, to cope with a difficult person. Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is always near, ready to support and help to get out of most difficult situations. Define a circle of such people and try to enlist their understanding and support, at the right time to get help. Even a simple explanation of the situation to someone can lead to a new perspective and help you develop your strategy. Often other people see the solutions and ways out of the situation that you just don't notice because outsiders are not so emotionally involved in the situation.Summarize
Before your system will start to work brilliantly, you will have to pass some tests. Most often you will be tested on the strength of irritating interactions with difficult people. Fortunately, the plasticity of the brain allows it to adapt and change if you practice the new strategies, even unsuccessful. Use healthy methods of stress relief, get in contact with difficult people will train your brain to cope more effectively with stress and reduce the likelihood of harmful effects.
I like to learn new techniques for successful interaction with toxic people, so don't hesitate and share your experience in the comments below! published
Translation: Vyacheslav Davidenko
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©