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How to recognize toxic parents: the problem of the post-Soviet space
Even genuinely loving parents can harm a child, which can cause serious problems in his adult life. No one is born with a complete understanding of how to raise their children. We all make mistakes. But someone corrected in time, and someone continues to poison their children daily with destructive installations. Parents who do not want to see and admit their actions are openly harmful are called toxic in psychology.
Next to toxic parents, children are constantly in a state of emotional and mental stress. In this article, we will talk about fathers and mothers who morally maim their children. They can be calculated by 11 signs.
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Parent-child relations
According to these signs, it is easier to track the beginnings of such behavior in oneself and stop them at the very beginning of raising one’s own children. Pay attention to the humane methods of education of the famous teacher Benjamin Spock. If your parents were emotional rapists, it’s not your fault, even if they made you believe it. You're not responsible for their actions.
Conflicts between parents and children At an older age, this is a direct consequence of their upbringing. Unfortunately, not all parents are a source of support for children and a role model. Since most children look up to their parents and believe their every word, the damage done to their fragile immature psyche is devastating.
It is possible that our troubles are an unhealed wound inflicted by toxic parents. Or maybe your method of education has echoes of “poisoned” childhood times? I hope this article made you think and fix it.
Next to toxic parents, children are constantly in a state of emotional and mental stress. In this article, we will talk about fathers and mothers who morally maim their children. They can be calculated by 11 signs.
DepositPhotos
Parent-child relations
- Don't approve or defend.
Some fathers and mothers believe that they temper the character, raising the child in strictness. This type of education is especially common among people of old age who grew up in Soviet times. Children of such parents are forced to seek their love, constantly bearing the burden of responsibility and guilt. Praise, support, listen to complaints, accept and understand – all this is considered slobbery for toxic parents. The method of hedgehog mittens can grow only aggressive, emotionally unresponsive personalities deprived of their own opinion.
DepositPhotos - Intimidating and acting unpredictable
Order and discipline are necessary to a certain extent, but the child should not be afraid of the parents. If you constantly blame him for any actions and punish him for any misconduct, then the child will simply be afraid to tell anything. There is a huge difference between respecting your parents and fearing them. Through bullying and unpredictable behavior, such parents will never achieve a sincere and intimate relationship with their children in the future.
DepositPhotos - Criticizing every move
Only mentally ill parents punish their children for their mistakes. Constant criticism deprives the child of motivation to try new things and learn the world, destroys his will, freedom of choice and creativity. Toxic parents refuse to believe that children need to learn from their mistakes. Excessive judgment and reproaches do not stimulate to be better, but are a dangerous type of emotional violence and develop low self-esteem, anxiety, indecision and other mental disorders in adulthood.
DepositPhotos - You have too many responsibilities.
They do not allow children to live their lives, loaded with constant tasks and housework. Housework takes a child more time than study, games, walks, communication with friends. Parents forget that childhood is the happiest period of life, a time of play and entertainment that ends too quickly. As a result of such relationships, the child, becoming an adult, will be withdrawn, angry, will not know who he is and what he wants from life.
DepositPhotos - Manipulate and demand attention
Toxic parents make children eternally indebted, believing that they have sacrificed much for them. They oblige the child to be constantly nearby, take care of them and their interests. These people manipulate feelings of guilt, demanding complete submission, shifting the responsibility for all misfortunes, illnesses and suffering to the child. These are parasitic relationships that require great returns, time and energy from children, causing a feeling of unpaid debt. Children begin to neglect their interests, losing their own self.
DepositPhotos - Punishment in silence
This is the stupidest and most unhealthy way to communicate. In many families, silence is considered the best argument in solving a problem. “I don’t talk to you anymore” is a phrase that means passive-aggressive behavior that is characteristic of infantile and immature personalities. Separating the child from the wall of silence, toxic parents force him to experience the most destructive emotions that destroy self-esteem and aggravate guilt to the extreme.
DepositPhotos - They do not respect personal space.
Where there is no respect for a child’s personal space, there is no respect for parents in return. Going into a room without knocking, reading a personal diary and correspondence on social networks, eavesdropping on phone conversations at the door - parents think that this is how they ensure the safety of the child. Often, the details of children’s lives become known to other relatives, friends, neighbors, teachers. Then parents wonder why their son or daughter doesn't trust them, behaves like strangers, lies, or stops communicating.
DepositPhotos - Excessive care and control
First, the parent escorts to and from school, feeds, dresses, monitors each step, then chooses taste preferences, friends, work and spouses. Violation of personal space grows into a requirement to account for every step taken, to provide full information about personal life and friends. The sophistication of this kind of emotional abuse is that it creates the illusion of love and care. The child at first does not even suspect a trick. When hyperprotection becomes a bond for a child that is almost impossible to break, it affects his relationships with his peers at school, institute. And with colleagues at work in the future. That's it. parentage This will destroy his adult life.
DepositPhotos - It is forbidden to express emotions
“Boys do not cry!”, “Good girls do not behave like this!” – phrases that suppress emotions, do not allow to get rid of accumulated resentment and anger. An unhealthy prohibition on the manifestation of feelings leads to mental and physical failure. As a result, a small person closes himself, feels lonely, devastated. Restraining emotions is a direct path to depression and mental disorders.
DepositPhotos - Realize their ambitions at the expense of the child
The peak of selfishness is to force the child to do what he is not interested in, shifting his unrealized desires on his shoulders. The toxic parent believes that he knows the needs of the offspring better, giving him to the sports section or to dance. Seeing in children only the continuation of themselves, and not separate independent personalities, toxic fathers and mothers break the fate of children.
DepositPhotos - Depreciate.
For a child to grow into a full-fledged personality, he needs unconditional love. If the child was told that he was “bad”, that love should be “deserved”, that “all children are normal, only you are ungrateful”, then he will grow up with the feeling that he has not become good for his parents. “Why four, not five?”, “Could and take the first place”, “There’s your sister an excellent student, and you’re a fool”, “Draw beautifully, but in life is not useful” – at such moments the child feels unnecessary and strengthened in his personal insecurity, loses the basis of personal significance and self-esteem. Growing up, the children of such parents fall into despair because of any trouble, not finding the strength to overcome quite feasible obstacles.
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According to these signs, it is easier to track the beginnings of such behavior in oneself and stop them at the very beginning of raising one’s own children. Pay attention to the humane methods of education of the famous teacher Benjamin Spock. If your parents were emotional rapists, it’s not your fault, even if they made you believe it. You're not responsible for their actions.
Conflicts between parents and children At an older age, this is a direct consequence of their upbringing. Unfortunately, not all parents are a source of support for children and a role model. Since most children look up to their parents and believe their every word, the damage done to their fragile immature psyche is devastating.
It is possible that our troubles are an unhealed wound inflicted by toxic parents. Or maybe your method of education has echoes of “poisoned” childhood times? I hope this article made you think and fix it.
