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As the mother becomes the scapegoat
About the children's injuries was not kidding, except that only lazy. From somewhere came the conviction that any trouble and weakness can we explain this most have not experienced the pain of childhood. And, of course, goes to the mothers. Not given, could not, have noticed... In defense of mom acts psychologist Julia Pirumov.
In fact, many of the grievances against the mother can Express in a few sentences: "You selfish, just dare to love yourself, not me, just allow yourself to enjoy anything else but me. Stop it! Give up on themselves in my favor. Always!"
And into this trap often fall young mothers. They also had daughters, who were unable to otherevery the separateness of the mother. On the one hand, the mother was nourishing and safe the world. And on the other hand — Oh, the horror! — dare to meet their needs too, not just Grebenkina.
And so the girl grows up and becomes a mother herself. And trying to protect their children from similar pain. Giving, endlessly giving. And indefinitely remain in the audit — what can you afford to refuse, so God forbid not to hurt now your child.
They can choose not to feed myself at the time for the sake of the care of children.
Not read.
Not spend time apart from their children.
Do not take a bath, quickly running into the shower.
Not to communicate with her husband.
Not to see yourself...
This children's eternal position: "If I'm the mother, you have to give all of myself". Yes. It's not the parent's position and returned back to his "bad" mother the children's request. Attempt by myself to patch up their deficits from my mother, who gave all of herself. Cheated... What the results of such experiments on themselves for women you can imagine. No good.
Coincidentally, this week daughter told me that I need to be able. My question is "why?" followed by a logical granting me omnipotence in view of the status: "Well, you're a mom!". Read between the lines:"You should be able to do. Able to do for me! Can not want, you're the mother..."
And then, almost immediately, the client looked at me wild eyed when I told her that I even as a mother cannot give all that she wants my baby. Not to mention the customer that I can also refuse to surrender and merge.
"How?!?!?".
"You're the mother. How could you?!?!?" ("You're the therapist! You must!")
That's why psychologists have so much to say about the need to separate the image of the omnipotent mother from a living person. To see an ordinary woman with its needs and possibilities, constraints and feelings, with whom she lived all her life and was forced to cope. While next to her crying child: "don't be alive! Be divine! Serve my needs perfectly!"posted
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: matrony.ru/kak-mama-stanovitsya-kozlom-otpushheniya/
In fact, many of the grievances against the mother can Express in a few sentences: "You selfish, just dare to love yourself, not me, just allow yourself to enjoy anything else but me. Stop it! Give up on themselves in my favor. Always!"
And into this trap often fall young mothers. They also had daughters, who were unable to otherevery the separateness of the mother. On the one hand, the mother was nourishing and safe the world. And on the other hand — Oh, the horror! — dare to meet their needs too, not just Grebenkina.
And so the girl grows up and becomes a mother herself. And trying to protect their children from similar pain. Giving, endlessly giving. And indefinitely remain in the audit — what can you afford to refuse, so God forbid not to hurt now your child.
They can choose not to feed myself at the time for the sake of the care of children.
Not read.
Not spend time apart from their children.
Do not take a bath, quickly running into the shower.
Not to communicate with her husband.
Not to see yourself...
This children's eternal position: "If I'm the mother, you have to give all of myself". Yes. It's not the parent's position and returned back to his "bad" mother the children's request. Attempt by myself to patch up their deficits from my mother, who gave all of herself. Cheated... What the results of such experiments on themselves for women you can imagine. No good.
Coincidentally, this week daughter told me that I need to be able. My question is "why?" followed by a logical granting me omnipotence in view of the status: "Well, you're a mom!". Read between the lines:"You should be able to do. Able to do for me! Can not want, you're the mother..."
And then, almost immediately, the client looked at me wild eyed when I told her that I even as a mother cannot give all that she wants my baby. Not to mention the customer that I can also refuse to surrender and merge.
"How?!?!?".
"You're the mother. How could you?!?!?" ("You're the therapist! You must!")
That's why psychologists have so much to say about the need to separate the image of the omnipotent mother from a living person. To see an ordinary woman with its needs and possibilities, constraints and feelings, with whom she lived all her life and was forced to cope. While next to her crying child: "don't be alive! Be divine! Serve my needs perfectly!"posted
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: matrony.ru/kak-mama-stanovitsya-kozlom-otpushheniya/
