Again about the space.
Or our unconscious.
No matter what causes the movement, it is important that, starting to work with their intrapersonal problems, one always gets the results in the external world
The history of the client.
A young woman thirty-six years. Attractive, fit. However, not the impression of a confident person. The feeling that man wants to hide. Clothing emphasizes the desire to blend, to dissolve, to disappear. Interesting in appearance, but with a slightly spiky look. Usually eyes look skeptical and appraising, but during the conversation the pressure slightly weakened. She listens.
He lives with his parents. Father shamelessly drink, so much so that there are some deviances. Hallucinations, aggression, insults and promises of death to the mother and daughter. Emotional callousness, cynicism and indifference. The mother almost always feels like a victim. Crying, complaining about her daughter and asks her to get rid of this nightmare. The daughter of the apartment building where he wants to take mother. A young woman of his family, not, from a serious relationship – only one story with a man much younger than her.
What is? There are high expectations of men: status, looks, intelligence, education, athletic build, wealth. And it is with absolute confidence that “all men only want sex” and “in our country are not found”. “Look at them! It's misery!”
Specify how many men she'd at least just acquaintances, friends, buddies, it turns out that to work up to ten people. Too big generalization for such a meager statistics!
Of course, all comes from the parent family. And in her case continues to go. The first man in her life, father, not showed an example of male behavior, masculine, not given the love, care and respect, did not ensure basic safety for a comfortable social life. Moreover, in the unconscious has strengthened the scenario of co-dependent relationships. Not surprisingly, the only serious relationship in the life of a client turned into a severe emotional dependence, and the separation caused psychosis and depression.
The young woman said that the father was healthy as an ox, he was not ill never anything serious. To disperse, to exchange housing and they can't because he is against. And, apparently, to live in this hell they will be a long time until the daughter will complete her one-bedroom apartment and will move there with his mother. About how does she there own happy future, you might wonder.
All methods work, I won't tell. I will describe only one exercise.
I call it the “Three chairs”
Two chairs are placed opposite each other, and the third in the position of the observer.
The client first sits on a chair, in the position “I”. Connects sensations with this position.
On the opposite chair, he represents the image of the person with whom you have a conflict.
And starts a dialogue... the Man says all claims, grievances, unfulfilled desires someone who is sitting opposite.
Then it is transplanted in place of the “offender” and is included in the position “other”. Captures my feelings. And from this position responds to all criticisms and comments.
Then takes the position of observer and describes how the situation looks from the outside, dissociative, unemotional.
This happens several times, until while people will not be able to tell the virtual interlocutor: “I forgive you. I understand that you couldn't (could not) do otherwise. I'm thankful for...” or some similar text.And space starts to work, because it freed the unconscious of the client.
Two weeks after the consultation, the client's father suffered a massive heart attack. In the hospital there was another one. Whether dad the same aggressive next? As the mother will be able to coexist? Can my daughter go in your life? What will happen is still unknown. The system balances itself in ways that are difficult to predict.
At a certain stage I felt that the work should stop and return to it after a while. Due to the rigidity and responsiveness of the psyche of a particular person should be given the time and opportunity all the techniques and mechanisms of the changes to work.
Once heard subsequently, six months, year: “Now You're talking! We discussed it, and I just now caught”.The space will do the trick.
Author: Lilia Ahremchik
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©
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