"It's not what a person was born, and how he manages"
— Alfred Adler.
Who among us has not experienced in different periods of life, viscous, sticky, and humiliating feeling from which I wanted to hide, to disappear, to sink into the ground.
And there is it from their own seemingly absurd, uncertain and awkward of gait, unnatural behavior and confusion, directed in his direction snide and contemptuous smirks and haitani coming, following taunts and ridicule. And this surging feeling stronger braziers of hot coals tormented soul and wounded heart, Zhalilo personality, giving rise to resentment and storing up anger.
In the inferiority you can see a dull tone inconsistencies, gloomy shades of non - viability, the stain of inferiority, flashy colors false shame permanentny guilt.
Thick multi-colored thread piercing the fabric of personality inferiority complex.
Disability, etymologically, is not the total value or worth of a man, inadequate and insufficient assessment itself with a lack of integrity.
In our imperfect world it is not surprising. For limited vision, plus strongly promoted and implanted in the daily social and subjective evaluation, does not allow us to adequately see and perceive their individual uniqueness/diversity.THE ORIGINS OF INFERIORITY
The term inferiority complex - inferiority comple introduced into scientific use the teachings of Sigmund Freud, Alfred Adler, analyzing their childhood. "One of my earliest memories is a recollection of how I sit on the bench, all bandaged due to rickets, and sitting in front of my healthy elder brother. He could run, jump and move as you like, without any difficulty, whereas for me, any movement meant the tension and stress".
Adler believed that the life experience of the child makes him feel his weakness, inadequacy (inadequacy) and frustration (frustration). However, he pointed to the ability of inferiority to be a positive catalyst for necessary and important changes and improvement in the future.
"A feeling of inferiority in itself is not abnormal. It is the cause of all improvements in the position of humanity"..."He [the child] discovers at an early age that there are other human beings who can meet their needs more fully and better prepared for life... It starts too highly to appreciate the size and growth of which allow you to open the door, or the ability to move heavy objects, or other right to command and to require obedience. The desire to grow, to become as strong or even stronger than all the surrounding, growing in his soul." — A. Adler.
In other words, a moderate feeling of inferiority can push the person to constructive achievements. However, the awareness of inferiority may prevent positive growth and development.PITFALLS OF AN INFERIORITY COMPLEX
However, not only physical disorders (hypoplasia, anomalies) are the causes of inferiority influencing the development of the complex. Often, social inequality, as well as their own individual uniqueness/diversity are factors of rejection by society/environment, giving rise to ridicule and even mockery.
To be a black sheep, especially in childhood and adolescence, a very difficult challenge for the younger person.
Because unlike you, everyone else thinks you "black sheep".
Therefore, we are not always able to cope with the load of universal rejection.
Together with the inferiority complex can walk through life a man, and a complex election, strengthening the manifestation of the first.However, not everything depends on personal perception and sense of self. The lion's share of influence on such a child, and then adult person have the authority — real or imaginary.
They can undermine or strengthen its distorted scale worldview.
All this cannot but affect the psyche of the younger man, leading him, in the language of clinical psychology, neurotic syndrome.
And if you consider all the aspects of the inferiority complex, we are faced with a symptom complex (a complex of certain symptoms, and the physical and mental manifestations) covering the moral, physical, aesthetic, sexual, ethnic, class, religious and other spheres of human activity.
The primary manifestations of the complex, as has been said, is palpable in early childhood, with the gradual maturing of amplified and implanted into the structure of the developing personality.
The parent environment is the main model for developing personality of a small child. And how naturally and harmoniously it fits into the ideological picture of the child so much less noticeable and the poses are complex and limitations in sensitive periods of maturation.
Unfortunately, very often the little man is in, when the feeling of helplessness is compounded by a sense of rights, inability to live freely and make independent decisions.ERROR EDUCATION
The reasons for this are many and they are very definitely point out the flaws or errors of education:
- inadequate or excessive demands for the child;
- proprietary and consumer's attitude to the child;
- underline the dependence of the child from his parents;
- educational authoritarianism and directiveness;
- pointing the child to his inferiority or insignificance;
- delineating hard boundaries of personal space of the child;
- excessive pretensions of the parents;
- comparison of personal qualities and abilities of the child in favor of other peers;
- attitude towards children as a burden;
- the lack of parity relationships;
- the imposition of a set of prohibitions, fear of punishment;
- restriction of personal liberty of children;
- demand from the child of expected behavior;
- the use of common educational models: the "stick - carrot";
- "photosatellite" and the inability of perception of the child seriously;
- the habit of lying to children under any "plausible" excuse;
- underline the personal superiority of the parents to their children;
- deliberate or unconscious undervaluation of self-assessment of the child;
- the lack of understanding of the needs of a developing personality of the child;
- shifting parents the primary educational role of the kindergartens and schools.
These errors education are inherent in varying degrees, to most people, especially early in their development as parents. Because, unconsciously imitating educational models for their own parents, young families come to the same painful striking rake of fatherhood and motherhood.
How to untie this Gordian knot of centuries, formed in conditions of a small denial of the citizen as self-aware and the more spiritual beings?SPIRITUAL-EDUCATIONAL EDUCATIONAL PROGRAMThe best, in my opinion, fashion is a recognition of the fact that "educate" the child in the common sense and sense of the word (the method of "carrot and stick"), it is not necessary and even harmful.
For such "doctrine" assumes adherence to the authority and execution of written truths, or rules, which in many ways has outlived its usefulness or, worse, intentionally interfere with the little artists syncretic to know the world in its complete diversity. Plus, they develop manipulative model of attitude.
Also "socio-cultural normative models" of education is unlikely to serve as a model for individual development of today's children, but rather "adjust" them under a certain public standard.We need to let kids just be, and to manifest his nature
. And the best criterion of commensuration is not that other, as the following three main Laws/forms of Love: be a Benefit, Not to Harm and to enable them to exercise their Free Will/Choice.Tracking in ourselves manipulator pretensions, we automatically learn to stop their development in their own detya
H. As the grass needs regular weeding, and these distortions of love, the need for continued inspection/monitoring and adequate and loving response.
In addition, it is good to recharge your parental educative knowledge best samples of educational thought that have been in the past, for example, described in the old Slavonic Vedas, the Book of Veles, the writings of Leo Tolstoy and other famous humanists of the past.
There are also examples of later educational traditions which, in my opinion, it is useful to pay attention. Among such alternative models of development and parenting that is different from conventional pedagogical can be distinguished:pedagogical system of Montessori, school Schetinina, the Waldorf pedagogy.
Incorporating many of the best ideas of the past and proposing innovative models of educational and educational process in the present context, they serve as a model and a heritage for self-educational skills of future generations. Moreover, the data of the educational tradition has not once proved to the public their worth and effectiveness.Nevertheless, personal liability has not been canceled and the basics of education need to learn anyone who tries to assume a parental role.
This requires all of us to take a broader view on the educational process and to consciously admit to himself the following information.
I think many have accepted the fact their repeated coming into the world or at least admit the possibility.
And if so, then we only need to allow to remember the rules on planet Earth, according to their own design, interests and preferences, while maintaining all key values based on the main law of the universe: the Law of Love.
In preparation for the next earthly journey, people along with his experienced senior Mentors carefully plans and chooses its own parents, in the case of a sufficient development of the soul. There is another scenario where the choice is mutually according to the Law of Attraction, serving as a necessary lesson/catalyst for parents and the unborn child.VALUABLE SEEDS FOR FUTURE CHANGESIn any case, you need to let your younger children be the navigators of their life.In early childhood
, when the waves of life are still too large and sometimes dangerous for self to overcome them little traveler, we reserve the right of the captain's supervision.
Thus we give our own children the most valuable responsibility. And it is neither more nor less, and the most important part of their emerging individuality.Thus, a small person, yet not lost touch with his responsible soul, but fully trusting their mentors and guardians, develops in proportion to the need of mastering life programs.
Little citizens learning to learn life lessons, without excessive care, excess pressure and pressure is most convenient and comfortable way.To achieve a harmonious understanding with your children, it is important
THE IMMUTABLE PRINCIPLES OF HARMONY IN RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN PARENTS AND CHILDREN
- not to be a source of fear, childhood complexes, resentments, forming low self-esteem;
- not to cement the Foundation for future addictions (behavioral disorders);
- send your caring attention and genuine interest in the needs of your child, the main of which are unconditional acceptance and love.
It is therefore important not only to comply with a certain number of rules, most of them not aware of them, and be guided by the principles, unchanged over time:
- to love your child, surrounding tenderness, concern and sensitivity;
- be sincere and genuine in the relationship;
- always listen to children's interests and needs;
- learn to accept and understand their point of view, whatever it was;
- they had no one to compare and evaluate;
- encourage children's creativity in any way possible;
- allow the child to participate equally in all family events;
- to replace requirements for children voluntarily taken sole responsibility;
- never use pressure, threats, blackmail, and other methods of manipulation.
- not to dismiss their request using various excuses;
- respect the personal space of small individual;
- to instill and to cultivate ethical and aesthetic perception of life;
- never cheat and don't tell half-truths;
- always and in everything to provide freedom of choice;
- not to punish for on-KAZ ( Ukr. Casati – speak) there is a hex or negative energy effect (damaging the etheric double of the physical body of the child), and give the opportunity to draw the right lessons and conclusions from both sides of the offense;
- be for children is a loving example of family happiness and harmony of the spouses.
If your children are not at the very tender age of early childhood, and the complexes already formed, then all previous advice is still not to be redundant, helping you to revise my position and possibly find not only their educational deficiencies but also the joint overcoming of existing problems.published
Author: Sergey Kolesa
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©
Join us in Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki