Can dangle, be tired, exhausted, have serious problems, to be feverish, but to be absolutely happy. Absolutely.
Why psychologists often address women than men.
Psychological problems Russian men relate to the problems that they SHOULD solve themselves. In particularly severe cases, I even ask the stubborn: and prostatitis you yourself treat the right hand or the left? Teeth and drill yourself? Well the head so I run it? And why decided, what a ride-medication?Well, not every problem a person can decide for himself!
No matter how smart and strong he was. And psychological problems among them. Here your help is necessary.
Suppose you have increasingly bad mood, you always cranky, had problems sleeping, and aggression become commonplace. While you are still Smoking, drinking, and you have tachycardia and obesity.
It would seem, anything terrible – you are a typical Russian man. But suddenly want to get rid of at least one of the symptoms? Cause which easily and is likely to be a violation of the metabolism of neurotransmitters. The question is,
yourself will restore serotonin metabolism? What are you – reuptake inhibitor?
But no, an inner voice keeps saying, "I'm a man", "I am! I'm a male!", "How can you cry and talk about their problems to a stranger?" False here means a psychologist. And the worst thing is not even that.
Very bravely trying to be objective, men become analysts themselves and how they feel, penicaut all cause and effect. The self-test occurs at the level of: "I can't sleep because I was nervous due to the project (accidents, fights, credit)", "I feel so bad because I'm in constant fear of dismissal (unhappy in marriage)" and finally – "I drink so much because I'm nervous (my wife's a bitch, life is a failure)".
And the most amazing: "I don't want to live because my girlfriend dumped (husband gone)"...
No, my dear! Wrong! With all of these people want to live and live: sleep well after the accident, embrace after a quarrel, take and give loans; normally feel, even on the background of a misunderstanding in the family, in the end, form a new one; someone perfectly possible not to get drunk, working on nervous work (or change jobs, or to relieve stress healthy ways). And it think, not all lose the desire to live even after breaking up with your loved ones.But during an Amateur, a kitchen psychologization of the problem
("I'm depressed because...") there is a substitution of cause and effect
. You know, you sleep poorly, drink and depressula not because of external reasons! The reason is always inside, the cause is ALWAYS within ourselves. The weather is bad and therefore you have a bad mood? Nonsense. It is good you have bad.
Once, during a broadcast on the radio, she called, and we had such a dialogue:She:
as soon as I begin to hint at the breakup, my boyfriend says if I leave him, he'll jump off the roof. Two years of an ongoing relationship, my strength running out. What to do?I:
how do you think all the guys thrown off the roof?She:
So the point is not that you leave him?She:
And that guy is suicidal, he is not in control of his emotions, and he may have a bunch of diagnoses, up to a manic-depressive psychosis. He suffers and will continue to suffer not because of you but because of mental problems. There is always a reason – it would wish! On the face of the attempt to bind themselves using blackmail and threats, and from the point of view of a psychologist – a clear psychopathology.Now let's see how it all from the point of view of the guy the girl?
She throws it, he begins to look for the fifth corner, otherwise hysteria (and possibly attempting suicide) and argues as follows: "I loved her, and she left me – there is an OBJECTIVE reason to fall into prostration (as an option – let the winds, to binge, etc.)".I hope everyone understands that there is nothing objective here? That many people in similar situations behave differently?
Now, the woman, feeling her get sucked into the abyss of despair, says that she has a problem and it should be solved. And that this problem is not a failed novel, and how she responds to it. Not coping with the situation, the woman usually does not hesitate to ask for help and receive it. This is an important social skill and the most constructive response to any identity crisis.
Unlike attempts to "objectively", to cope and "deal with sometime"...
In understanding homegrown psychologists to be objective, then ask a rhetorical question: "How could she?", "Why me?", "Why it's collapsed?"
But to deal with the situation really need to ask is not "why her?", and "why me?"; or "how could he?", and "how did I get in this situation?". Questions you should always ask is not about others, and ABOUT YOURSELF! And look for the answers.
Woman is important to come out of the crisis in order, to work, to communicate, to move forward. And when problems in children – psychologist traditionally treated mom. Women are generally more robust and easier to adapt to changing circumstances. For example, when the court of the economic crisis is going to get a new profession while unemployed man suffers from your home computer, playing in Tanchiki. Well, it is well-known. And revealing.
Often, trying to solve the problem, the woman results in the psychologist's office, and in 80 cases out of 100 it leads to the lasso, her husband. In 50 cases from the same century he is sitting half turned to the psychologist and to the question "who wants to start?" did not react, not even moving. No man, but himself a monument. Type, it is not interesting, personally, have no problem, she's all that... But! after the first complaints wife very included in the conversation and makes indifference quickly turns to accusations.This is a very common situation when men do not recognize any problems, covering problems of external effects.
And allow, for example, family tensions can, and enlist the help don't want to divorce I'm afraid. Woman, if you again fall in love, it usually does not stop even having kids – she goes to her lover.
But men in this situation, with love to lead a double life. (And in General 70% of divorces occur at the initiative of women, although in theory they are more interested in marriage).
Turning to the women, attempting to withdraw his men to a psychologist, you will notice that if the problem exists in the relationship is giving you pain or discomfort – do to solve it better together. And if your husband/partner refuses to go with you to therapy, to make-it is not necessary. Offer it once, tops.
But you have to ask yourself: "if he's not with me in my and all of our problems, since he is not my friend – and do I need a husband/partner?" Because a man who loves and is interested in continued relationship, I agree, if there's a chance that You will feel better. Even if he does not believe in the effect.
I am often accused of being categorical, they say, I suggest breaking up if something went wrong. In the meantime, I suggest breaking up only if at least one of the participants of these relations are bad, scary, uncomfortable life. Conversely, whatever the couple on the opinion of others – if they are good, I suggest not to impose problems.
For example, some wives put up with the alcoholism of their husbands and live within himself. But some sawing, ultimatums, leave and return, and apotheosis – are trying to save and drag to the experts, the psychologists, including...
All of this is absolutely useless as long as the alcoholic doesn't think his alcoholism is a big problem. And to most of these then is the problem of his wife: he quietly drinks, and she will not live! The Council of wives of alcoholics: drinking or accept it (maybe you that's what I want) or look for another. Other options do not exist.
I admit, in Russia to go to therapy for men is quite a feat. We confuse psychologists, psychotherapists and psychiatrists, have no idea how it all works and how you can help. In response to the suggestion to consult a specialist shout: "am I crazy?" A whole society lives with an open Gestalt. And this must have something to do.
Husbands and lovers: 2 of the strategy menLessons of the summer
And finally I will tell to portray that everything is in order, to explain anxiety bad weather, inflation and the intransigence of the opposite sex – it means to waste time.
Life passes, and no joy! You don't get the most precious that can be fun. Maybe you need a dopamine drug, or kind word of a psychologist and everything will be okay? To try, anyway.
Author: Michael Labkovsky
P. S. And remember, only by changing their consumption — together we change the world! ©