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10 things a mature woman won’t do
In classical literature, love is often seen as sacrificial. Starting from Romeo and Juliet, ending with The Master and Margarita, lovers go to all sorts of tortures and tricks for each other, stay together for a short time, and then part or even die. Love is not easy, for it you need to suffer, wait, languish and endure.
I probably read a lot of books about hard, sacrificial love in my youth, so for a long time my love was just that, full of drama, tears and goodbyes. It seemed, if without them, then this is not love at all, but so, frivolous hobbies. Thankfully, I have seen the light of day, or maybe just grown up or tired of suffering. Now love for me is a quiet joy. And no casualties.
I'm almost 42 and at times I like to be cynical. To say that I do not believe in love, romance, eternal happiness. I’m like bamboo with men – I don’t hesitate to tell you what I like, don’t like, and what I want. Damn it, I'm not hesitating either. Periodically I test myself, is my heart petrified and my soul shrunk? After all, before I could wait for days for one text message, went somewhere to the end of the world, if only he called, without hesitation, bought expensive gifts, just to make him pleasant, cooked breakfasts and lunches from dishes that, of course, preferred a beloved man, tormented friends endlessly “he said what would it be?”. Naturally, under this “he” were hiding different men, someone I loved, someone I lived with, someone was just in love, someone passionate without reciprocity. But the feelings that the male figure evoked were similar – every time I was willing to do much for the sake of love. If this willingness is now gone, does it mean that the ability to love too?
When we are young, we are painfully looking for ourselves, when we are 18-25 years old, we are only a raw “Something”. How do you know what you like, where your boundaries are, and who you are without trying different experiences? Therefore, in adolescence, we readily rush into any experiments - with appearance, profession, sex, love.
After 25, we already get some kind of frame - education, professional experience, stuffed bumps with sex and love. We are no longer so unrestrained in experiments, more determined in our goals. Many have already married and have children. Or they start to build a serious relationship with the prospect of it all. We already understand something about life, but we still understand very little about ourselves. We confuse our desires with the desires of society. We substitute sacrifice for love. We think that a man needs to please, otherwise he will be offended and leave.
Maturity is the age of meeting myself. After blind youth, youth for the sake of someone, we begin to live for ourselves. That doesn't mean we don't need anyone. We became successful, selfish, self-sufficient loners. Nope. We want love, we want warmth, we want relationships. We understand that in a healthy relationship, it’s all mutual. A man either wants the same thing or doesn’t stay in our lives. As Omar Khayyam said, “I don’t need someone who doesn’t need me.”
So I'm more:
1. I don't wait for men's calls or texts.I either write myself, or delete the contacts of those who do not find time for a short answer: “Sorry, I am busy today, I will type when I am free.”
2. I don’t go on dates if their time and place are uncomfortable.To be happy, it must be comfortable for both. If a man is not interested in the time, desire, or convenience of a woman, then he is generally not interested in a woman. I don't need a man like that.
3. I do not forgive the absence of gifts for my birthday and other important holidays. I like men who like to spend money on a woman they like, which is me. Financially stingy people are usually stingy in everything else. Inattention to dates important to a person is inattention to a person as a whole. Those with whom we are in love, we want to spoil and delight. Everything that is important to him becomes important to us. If it doesn't matter, or it's pathetic, or you forget, you can forget my number too.
4. I am not looking for excuses for male insecurity and failure.That doesn’t mean I only need money from a man. But “with a sweet paradise and in a hut” is definitely not a story from the life of a mature woman. We left our huts at 20 and 30 years old, at 40 we already have a comfortable life built by our own hands and there are no excuses;
5. I don't keep silent about what I don't like.Of course, I can't stand a man's brain with endless nitpicking. But there are things that the other person does not know simply because they are different. If I don’t like high speed, it scares me, then I don’t keep quiet or gaze admiringly if a man accelerates to 120 kmh. Also, I do not report irritatedly “where you accelerated, how you are going”, I calmly say “don’t drive, please, I am nervous and scared”.
6. I'm not afraid to ask any questions.I'm also ready for answers. When we are young, we are afraid to clarify the incomprehensible, because we do not want to scare, strain or hurt a man. But it is this lack of clarity that creates wounds in ourselves. I don't want any more wounds, so I'm finding out.
7. I don't iron men's shirts.I don't like ironing. I need to iron my shirts too. I don’t do anything for a man that bothers me. If he loves me, he'll iron his shirt.
8. I don't take sex for love.Sex may be about love, or it may not be about love. Love for me is to iron my shirt, be quiet with me in the morning because I don’t like talking in the morning, remember my cat’s name and how many spoons of sugar I put in my coffee, bring in May a bouquet of freshly cut, rain-wet peonies, come and silently fix the current tap. If we don’t have sex, we just have sex.
9. Not a jealous man to friends or work.Or kids from past relationships. If a man loves me, he makes time for me. Includes me in his busy schedule of meetings, trips, football with friends or fishing with his son. Because I too live a busy, busy life. If we both find time for each other, it’s okay, we have a relationship. If only I find time for a relationship, and a man is always busy, then for a relationship I need to look for someone else.
10. I'm not trying to look better for a man.On the contrary, when I meet, I can be even worse, ruder, more cynical, more straightforward. I am not ashamed to talk about my problems or difficulties. Someone who needs to always look deeper and further. Someone who doesn't will pass by.Also Interesting: Doing “As It Should” and Losing a Relationship Don’t build relationships with people who don’t need you.
I'm almost 42 years old. And I'm bamboo. Straight, strong, flexible, unpretentious. I'm hard to break, twist or uproot. I'm hardened. But I still want to love. I'm just not willing to sacrifice for it. Love is creation, not sacrifice and destruction. Let's build. published
Prepared by Elena Shpundra P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: liwli.ru/relations/10-veshchey-kotorye-zrelaya-zhenshchina-ne-sdelaet-radi-lyubvi/
I probably read a lot of books about hard, sacrificial love in my youth, so for a long time my love was just that, full of drama, tears and goodbyes. It seemed, if without them, then this is not love at all, but so, frivolous hobbies. Thankfully, I have seen the light of day, or maybe just grown up or tired of suffering. Now love for me is a quiet joy. And no casualties.
I'm almost 42 and at times I like to be cynical. To say that I do not believe in love, romance, eternal happiness. I’m like bamboo with men – I don’t hesitate to tell you what I like, don’t like, and what I want. Damn it, I'm not hesitating either. Periodically I test myself, is my heart petrified and my soul shrunk? After all, before I could wait for days for one text message, went somewhere to the end of the world, if only he called, without hesitation, bought expensive gifts, just to make him pleasant, cooked breakfasts and lunches from dishes that, of course, preferred a beloved man, tormented friends endlessly “he said what would it be?”. Naturally, under this “he” were hiding different men, someone I loved, someone I lived with, someone was just in love, someone passionate without reciprocity. But the feelings that the male figure evoked were similar – every time I was willing to do much for the sake of love. If this willingness is now gone, does it mean that the ability to love too?
When we are young, we are painfully looking for ourselves, when we are 18-25 years old, we are only a raw “Something”. How do you know what you like, where your boundaries are, and who you are without trying different experiences? Therefore, in adolescence, we readily rush into any experiments - with appearance, profession, sex, love.
After 25, we already get some kind of frame - education, professional experience, stuffed bumps with sex and love. We are no longer so unrestrained in experiments, more determined in our goals. Many have already married and have children. Or they start to build a serious relationship with the prospect of it all. We already understand something about life, but we still understand very little about ourselves. We confuse our desires with the desires of society. We substitute sacrifice for love. We think that a man needs to please, otherwise he will be offended and leave.
Maturity is the age of meeting myself. After blind youth, youth for the sake of someone, we begin to live for ourselves. That doesn't mean we don't need anyone. We became successful, selfish, self-sufficient loners. Nope. We want love, we want warmth, we want relationships. We understand that in a healthy relationship, it’s all mutual. A man either wants the same thing or doesn’t stay in our lives. As Omar Khayyam said, “I don’t need someone who doesn’t need me.”
So I'm more:
1. I don't wait for men's calls or texts.I either write myself, or delete the contacts of those who do not find time for a short answer: “Sorry, I am busy today, I will type when I am free.”
2. I don’t go on dates if their time and place are uncomfortable.To be happy, it must be comfortable for both. If a man is not interested in the time, desire, or convenience of a woman, then he is generally not interested in a woman. I don't need a man like that.
3. I do not forgive the absence of gifts for my birthday and other important holidays. I like men who like to spend money on a woman they like, which is me. Financially stingy people are usually stingy in everything else. Inattention to dates important to a person is inattention to a person as a whole. Those with whom we are in love, we want to spoil and delight. Everything that is important to him becomes important to us. If it doesn't matter, or it's pathetic, or you forget, you can forget my number too.
4. I am not looking for excuses for male insecurity and failure.That doesn’t mean I only need money from a man. But “with a sweet paradise and in a hut” is definitely not a story from the life of a mature woman. We left our huts at 20 and 30 years old, at 40 we already have a comfortable life built by our own hands and there are no excuses;
5. I don't keep silent about what I don't like.Of course, I can't stand a man's brain with endless nitpicking. But there are things that the other person does not know simply because they are different. If I don’t like high speed, it scares me, then I don’t keep quiet or gaze admiringly if a man accelerates to 120 kmh. Also, I do not report irritatedly “where you accelerated, how you are going”, I calmly say “don’t drive, please, I am nervous and scared”.
6. I'm not afraid to ask any questions.I'm also ready for answers. When we are young, we are afraid to clarify the incomprehensible, because we do not want to scare, strain or hurt a man. But it is this lack of clarity that creates wounds in ourselves. I don't want any more wounds, so I'm finding out.
7. I don't iron men's shirts.I don't like ironing. I need to iron my shirts too. I don’t do anything for a man that bothers me. If he loves me, he'll iron his shirt.
8. I don't take sex for love.Sex may be about love, or it may not be about love. Love for me is to iron my shirt, be quiet with me in the morning because I don’t like talking in the morning, remember my cat’s name and how many spoons of sugar I put in my coffee, bring in May a bouquet of freshly cut, rain-wet peonies, come and silently fix the current tap. If we don’t have sex, we just have sex.
9. Not a jealous man to friends or work.Or kids from past relationships. If a man loves me, he makes time for me. Includes me in his busy schedule of meetings, trips, football with friends or fishing with his son. Because I too live a busy, busy life. If we both find time for each other, it’s okay, we have a relationship. If only I find time for a relationship, and a man is always busy, then for a relationship I need to look for someone else.
10. I'm not trying to look better for a man.On the contrary, when I meet, I can be even worse, ruder, more cynical, more straightforward. I am not ashamed to talk about my problems or difficulties. Someone who needs to always look deeper and further. Someone who doesn't will pass by.Also Interesting: Doing “As It Should” and Losing a Relationship Don’t build relationships with people who don’t need you.
I'm almost 42 years old. And I'm bamboo. Straight, strong, flexible, unpretentious. I'm hard to break, twist or uproot. I'm hardened. But I still want to love. I'm just not willing to sacrifice for it. Love is creation, not sacrifice and destruction. Let's build. published
Prepared by Elena Shpundra P.S. And remember, just by changing your consciousness – together we change the world!
Source: liwli.ru/relations/10-veshchey-kotorye-zrelaya-zhenshchina-ne-sdelaet-radi-lyubvi/