Learn about what betrayed: the emotional burden of betrayal Bashny.Net

When people tell you that they cheated on a partner, they often say that they have been betrayed.

Perhaps you can find a lot of definitions, but personally I think this is the most complete.Betrayal is the violation of the social contract, failure to comply with its previously assumed social role. Assuming social roles, suggests that the parties trust each other, and expect the implementation of the agreed role of conditions.

However, the simple rejection of a particular set of conventions is not everything. Betrayal implies that the actions, failure to perform a Treaty cause harm to the victim in varying degrees. A traitor acts intentionally against the interests of the person or people, which previously was associated social ties.

This applies not only to marriage relationships, but also friendship, relationships between parents and children, brothers and sisters, people engaged in one business, being the representatives of one nation, state, etc.

©Noel Oswald

In order to simplify, a lot of letters in the definition, give an example. You threw a friend in a difficult situation (broke his leg in the woods). The betrayal is not only that he refused to be your friend in this period of time.

His refusal to obey the social contract (in society it is expected that each must support and help in trouble) has led to the fact that you were left alone in the forest. You, as considered him a friend, and hoped to receive the necessary assistance (trust), put you in a position where because of the refusal to be the other person put you in danger.

Cheating partner, it's not just feelings for another person or having sex with him, it's the destruction of trust and expectations of a partner, the destruction of its social role. As well as the social roles are part of the self-concept, the betrayal destroys part of the individual partner.

What a person feels when he learns that betrayed

1. Shock – a person experiences short-term rather strong fear, which manifests itself either in the form of numbness or chaotic motor excitation.

2. Disappointment - paint relationships begin to fall. The person feels a sense of frustration, the depreciation without the need of something immediately to change.

3. Reassessment of values - often all in the eyes and thoughts of the victim is flipped upside the head. What I love, evoked warm feelings in the relationship begins to rapidly break down and turn into the complete opposite. The person realizes that demonstrate a partner's feelings was a lie.

4. Revision of the past the person starts to remember when this could happen. In response to these thoughts a person comes to anger and guilt in different proportions, depending on the structure of personality. Guilt about feelings. what failed in the past to guess the moods of the partner and to prevent the development of events. Anger, the feeling that he was wronged, and enjoyed his feelings and resources in favor of the "enemy" (lover's) partner.

5. Feeling of helplessness – the person realizes that there is no way to change the situation. Even if you can get deceived continue to perform its social role, it will not restore trust and re-establish a sense of social role to the extent that was before the betrayal.

Further events may develop in several directions

1. Depression that is primarily due to the fact that the man has quite a lot of damage in the area of your Y. for Example, the woman left with children feels that her understanding of themselves as women, as Housewives, as a worthy partner, a good mother, etc. are pretty fuzzy and she doesn't have the resources to immediately to restore everything. Naturally, the future with this level of self-esteem is not attractive or promising certain things. Just ahead of the challenges she often doesn't feel able to cope.

2. Revenge – the strategy used to protect against awareness of various negative aspects of the new provisions as deceived. The person is immersed in the construction plans of revenge. Not necessarily something that will really operate for execution.

Most of the plans remain at the level of fantasies, thoughts, desire to bully, there was something terrible, negative, that he understood, suffered, repented, came back, humiliated. Then, depending on the situation and the individual, victims visualize how they will show their mercy to the vanquished. At first, the desire for revenge plays a good protective role.

However, after some time, the person still has to return to his broken I am, and gather myself together. Not all this step fails and not all this step of the transition. Many people get stuck in fantasies for many years. I must say that the constant thoughts of revenge do not bring real peace of mind. A constant rumination of the misdeeds and negativity leads to deformation of the personality that prevents the development of new relationships, and even simple normal functioning in society.

3. Plans to return – also a defensive strategy. Sometimes she makes sense, sometimes it's just irrational desire to undo it, to protect me or restore it to its former level. Often people miss that relationship will never be the same. To rebuild trust you will need to seriously work on both sides and a lot about myself to change. Not all are ready, so the return of the "prodigal parrot" does not always end positively, even when a parrot does come back.

4. A life against – in fact, it is proof of the traitor, and himself, that the loss of relations was not only painful, but also desirable. And now, after it's all over, the victim not only suffers, but even happy and successful. Sometimes this tactic works and people really makes a breakthrough. It also happens that all attempts to "live despite" aimed at revenge against the traitor. To show that his presence was not only irrelevant, but even harmful. In the latter case, even if the victim achieves great heights, remains quite pronounced negative emotional footprint.

5. The adoption events and life anew. What happened is part of life. The person who was betrayed, taken to be the deceased victim. He is given the will to leave, it is given the will to live. It's not instantaneous, but rather a long process, but from the point of view of benefit to the psyche — this is the best option.

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After the betrayal creates favorable conditions for the development of 3 major mental disorders

1. Posttraumatic stress disorder manifests itself in repetitive and compulsive play in the minds of the traumatic event (the betrayal). Experience the victims emotions exceed in intensity those which he felt at the time of the actual traumatic event. Also characterized by recurrent nightmares and flashbacks (violent vivid memory of the moment of psychological trauma) People strenuously avoids thoughts, feelings or conversations associated with the trauma and activities, places or people that trigger those memories.

2. Generalized anxiety disorder — in essence, a constant alarm that applies to almost everything that surrounds us. Sometimes it is so severe that the victim severely limits your social contacts.

3. Obsessive-compulsive disorder – Intrusive memories of various events associated with the life before the betrayal. Need to sort out things, to do things that remind you of good or bad events, or various rituals to avoid unpleasant memories. This includes so-called "phenomenon of emotional pollution."

It occurs when some thing, object or event is associated with a traitor. After that, all these phenomena will bear "unpleasant osadochek". For example, the deceased partner liked a certain dish, or apples. After he left, always, these items will be regarded as unpleasant and repulsive, because they are "contaminated" by the emotions.

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Moreover, the emotional burden of betrayal often is complicated by the fact that the victims are stigmatized by society. This stigma causes additional harm. So, for example, is quite widely believed that normal women\men no one leaves. If you were abandoned, left to one or the other, it means you're defective, "damaged goods".

Some men Express the opinion that the divorced woman (especially a child), should not qualify for much in this life. Already she should be happy that someone is paying attention to her. Often women do try not to pretend just to get away from the stigma of "lonely". And no matter who, if only it was.

 

What to do when really bad. Exit point

That is a betrayal on the energy level

 

At the same time, and a man who has a child from his first marriage, is considered "tainted". If his wife left with the child, it means that there is a strong BUT (for example he has problems with potency or alcohol). Child from the first marriage in the eyes of the future brides "disadvantage" which will delay the Finance, attention, and sometimes to compete with a new family.

Women married to previously divorced men are often directly or trickery insist that the husband stopped to chat with a child from a previous marriage. Because it puts the face of society is not in a very advantageous position. published 

 

 

P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©

Source: gutta-honey.livejournal.com/288076.html