Life begins when we realize that life is just one

"In humans, only two lives, the second begins,

when we realize that life is just one», -

Tom Hiddleston, British actor


I remember the day March 16, 2011, when we started our second. We walked along the Seine river with cups of coffee in his hands, the wind carried a sophisticated scents from nearby cafes, our daughter was throwing ducks pieces of baguette, heart skip a beat from the upcoming large trampoline without a net, from freedom, from a new beginning, from strong purposes, which now fully meet only ourselves.

I wish that in every person's life one day is such a day. When we start doing what we have dreamed for years and put it off. When we begin to live my pending life.

Deferred life is not Paris, not the hammock under the palm trees, and not even a house on the beach. Delayed life — this is not about deferred pleasure. This is about the pending sense. So it is dangerous. Pleasure is not difficult to buy. To return the sense of wasted years — impossible.

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The sense is our answer to the question who am I, what am I in this world do, and where is my place. These are simple questions, which should be a simple answer. Very simple. Because it's real. When he is — the person has strong sense of human in his place. Man is not functioning, and human living.

About pleasure — I only! Lifestyle, the environment that we want — it is very important. But no answer to the question "why" — it does not work, becomes an empty shell. How do you know I have a lot of letters from people who went to Paradise, and as it turned out, changed only the scenery.

Change is inevitable, but the geography is not to blame. Deferred life may cease to be pending in the same chair, sitting in which you read this article.


Deferred life is about You?

In my practice, I see three stages "of alojandote".

Stage 1 — a vague sense alternatives

I have the feeling that you are a bit lost in his own plane, and now, yours could be something else. Somewhere else or even with someone else. At this stage you still don't know what it could be, just often comes the feeling of "I don't think I in his place," "and is that all?".


Stage 2 — unrealized dream

If in the first case, the person just feels alternative, without specifics and pictures, in the second case, unrealized reality takes on certain features, content and details. "My own restaurant" or "I have written the book." Yes, often in your vault files, this goes under the heading "pipe dream". The time starts ticking is surprisingly loud, with each step, questioning the opportunity one day to implement.


Stage 3 — the person is bad

If in the first and in the second case, the delayed life is a virtual figure, partly even provides real life (nice to dream at leisure), which can be realized in a kind of conditional future, in this stage, the person has openly unhappy.

The situation becomes toxic. Moreover, toxicity could she add being in a situation of endless weighing solutions.

Quit — not to quit, to start — don't start to say — to say, to decide not to decide, to go — not to go and so on. The power consumption is enormous. The longer in this mode, the less exhausted you are already on implementation.

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Why we've gone over and over?

The reason is that we await the onset of the two conditions:

  • perfect time
  • complete clarity

Anyway, let me save you some time and say that the first and second real change is nearly unattainable.

About the perfect time. I will quote myself:

"After 30 years we all acquire bonds, houses circumstances, we have already built in a course of things, and they themselves is not going to be to take all painlessly rebuild".


About clarity. Have big changes too much is unknown. The good news is that these uncertainties is often possible, and the second good news is that if you blunt one goal of smart (as we've all been taught) you the most of these opportunities just do not notice, walking from point A to point b, and not looking around.

Therefore, the only working strategy for big changes is the strategy of the Open Plan. Suitable for traveling in an unfamiliar space with poor visibility and a large number of variables.

Imagine that you are walking in a fog. The direction is clear, but it is clear only two steps. Then you make two steps, then another step or two, while carefully watching and listening to what and how around and appreciate the new information. Just? Ha. I can tell how difficult it is for people to accept such a pattern of movement. And this issue is another great article.

I have to say, if we with Roma told someone about it on shore, then we would not have burned three kilos of nerve cells, worrying that the reality is not very smart, should our calculations. One day we just scored on the initial plans, have become open and attentive, and it worked.


What about responsibility for others?

Responsibility for others is not a concrete excuse and reservation from all change, and the most underutilized super-resource.

By the way, if I'm ever called upon to escape from reality in search of myself — throw me something, better ball, your yesterday we threw at the place where the balls are not returned. The child is sad.

Responsibility for others is not something that will hurt to start with conceived, this is something that will help, when nothing big I can not help. This is something that will not recede, the end of our own strength, fade faith in yourself and faith in your project and even ambitions. That is what gets out of bed half-dead and in any depression, because you can't afford to sour. Prepare better. Move faster. There are, for whom. And responsibility for others becomes a powerful stimulus, which, as practice shows, it is possible to go much faster and farther than if you're on your own and all alone.

Just turn in your goals for those who respond. Think that they will win in the end. Even if the changes apply only to flexible work schedule, as a minimum, the children will receive more than you. And this is a lot.

Insurance against failure? And imagine that in our unstable world, and so everything won't go as you wanted. Only in this case you will suffer passively, from last forces holding their imaginary stability, which you so failed. And then in the gaps of your reality will Shine through and now that you have built. And there will be a feeling of emptiness and postavlennoy. You have this insurance?


What to do?

Your strategy will depend on the level of "alojandote" life.

If you are at stage 1 — think and search for, define, try to understand that for loss alternative to what she what she looks like. Find the answer, what is your "why"!

If you are on stage 2 — check whether it's your dream and learn the way of access to it. The answer to the question "why" at this stage mandatory. Because the dream could be nothing, just a shell, accidentally clinging to the way you like it, and you do not go there. So we need to act and check. And then determine the direction.

If you are at stage 3 and the situation is already toxic unbearable — switch mode. From the "meditation" move mode "action".

Mode out of the impasse is not included when the bridges are already Smoking, and the whole previous life resolute plowed by a bulldozer. This mode is activated the first step, and this step can be anything small, discreet and unobtrusive.


Also interesting: 20 tiny thoughts that can destroy our dreams

Why do some dreams come true and others don't


The main thing that you are no longer passive victims of circumstances, and the person who comes. Or crawling. Alas, at this stage just to lie in the direction dream no longer ride.published 


Author: Elena Rezanova


P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©



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