In this article we will try to understand - why women still fall for alcoholics and what to do if this happened to you
You may be surprised if I say that alcohol has a positive impact on our body. But now I do not mean the drinks in a fun and biological processes within the body.
The fact is that when a person experiences happiness in the blood is thrown alcohol and morphine produced by the body. And this is a very important process if the natural way that the emission does not occur, then the person begins to seek admission of "happiness" from the outside.
The main task in the fight against alcoholism - to make people re-learn how to feel happy naturally, interested in work and enjoy it, to be happy in love - then the need for drinking will disappear by itself
When trying to ban the alcoholic drink alcohol, it awakens a sense of contradiction, and I want to drink even more (on the principle of the sperm).
During the long years of practice and work with the neuroses, I even identified a separate group and the type of disorder, which he called "The wife of the alcoholic»
There are certain traits - a woman who plays the role of a mother to her husband, she relates, as a child that requires care and education, without a husband she does not see her life
There are cases when a woman several times unwittingly starts a relationship with an alcoholic. At first it seemed to her normal, attractive man, but in the latter story is repeated each time.
I had a patient who had in the past several failed marriages with alcoholics and this is also linked their lives with a person with the same addiction. It is important to understand - what attracts women alcoholics
Here I would like to digress about the education of our girls. We have very often the girls are set to what you need to look for someone to look for the person with whom you need to build a relationship. They often forget that the very first need to become a man, and then you look and do not, all by itself is formed, you will meet a decent man, because you are of worth. More respect for themselves - and no woman would agree to spend time degrading drink too much personality and endure such a life
In fact, women are associated with alcoholics not because they drink, but because they are worthy traits and qualities that disappear under the influence of prolonged alcohol use. But even in this case, women continue to search for and collect these "ruins" of the person elects individual pieces of their positive properties.
A person who uses alcohol to aid in real life unhappy and constantly tense, so booze allows him to be more daring and relaxed - it is attractive. A woman can also "story" of the beautiful compliments from the alcoholic, his glamorous communication, stories about how he was not happy to meet with her. Also, alcohol in the early stages of intoxication softness movements, tenderness, smoothness. All this for the mentally unstable woman may seem interesting and enjoyable.
For alcoholism, in addition to the pursuit of happiness, can push the neuroses, which are formed, if the moral principles or certain personality traits interfere with a person to meet their needs. In humans, there is a desire, which does not carry the conscience, hence grow flour and contradictions.
Karen Horney identified three types of such contradictions:
The first contradiction - between the desire to achieve the objective, competitive and peaceful relations between people, love for one's neighbor. In order to achieve the desired success you need to fight and prove that you are the best, and sometimes even stepping over people to climb the career ladder. But this contradicts the fact that we have always taught goodness, compassion, responsiveness. It is difficult to remain in harmony with yourself, if you try to fulfill both conditions.
Next contradiction - a mismatch between the multitude of needs that we are now imposed by the consumer society, and the real possibility of meeting them. We are surrounded by advertising things trendy shops, but not everyone can afford to buy something in an expensive boutique.
The third contradiction is formed between a sense of self-reliance and boundless freedom and a sense of anxiety, frustration and helplessness. It comes from the fact that we were given to believe that we can achieve anything, we depend only on their decisions, free as the wind, but in fact, everyone has their own situation is not always possible to choose a job, vacation, spouse, etc.
When these conflicts rage in a person, it can instead of solving the problem, select a drink. Alcohol gives a sense of freedom and force to silence the conscience. For some time, people will be energetic, he will strive towards its goal, and this will attract women.
A woman may unknowingly endorse alcoholism, because it will be more like to be energetic and gallant man than with an uncertain and lost neurotic that he becomes without alcohol. Especially in the early stages of alcoholism, a man can be a very strong-willed and self-confident, active, earning good money. What is not a dream for a woman?
But all of this energy is deceptive, already in the early stages, it aims to make a drink. In consequence with increasing degradation and the amount of alcohol, human skills will be reduced, will only interest - bottle
In personal relationships alcoholics often start communicating with gifts - bribes, immediately talk about their plight, that for a long time waiting for the single, which will save them understand, be with him always
Typical alcoholic phrase: "I can not do without you", "I do not want anything without you," "I'm ready for you at all." To this woman very often "carried" if you do not own techniques of psychological aikido. If bribery and compliments have not worked, an alcoholic may resort to blackmail.
What to do if you are involved in a personal history with an alcoholic, or had to marry him?
If the situation allows - once divorced and do not hesitate. If this is not possible - apply psychological divorce. To do this you need in your heart and mind stop taking alcoholic husband both loved and needed her husband, and take it as a person who lives with you in the apartment - a neighbor
If you get it - you will feel a great relief, stop worrying and get angry when he lost to, will not make trouble and try to alter it a couple of days. You prefer the life and interests. Only expensive things do not forget to hide, and if the husband starts to stick - you can offer him another glass, and he quietly fell asleep. You will have the time and opportunity to develop themselves, to go on courses, to delve into the interesting job, you leave the disturbing thoughts about where and how to treat her husband.
Perhaps, seeing how you have changed your husband, and he once again interested in you and the situation will change for the better, he'll stop drinking and relationships will improve. But this is the best option.
Whatever happened, dear women, keep in mind that themselves need to love and cherish you at one. Try not to spend time on unworthy and weak people, those who takes away your energy and in response only gives pain.
Once you understand that contacting an alcoholic - run, find the strength to leave. And, to no longer be in such a situation, go through psychological training and be happy in their lives.
Author: Michael Litvak