Do not carry on other people's problems Bashny.Net

We joked once about what we do in old age.

Toll: "Well, let's open the psychological Bank»

. Me: "Yeah, and we will issue a psychological loans, such as -" you can do it, you will do it, all will be well ""

. They laughed. And I have a few months researching: when we issue these "credits" and how we, from the best intentions, deprive a person of his forces' support »...

For any "lending" - the person remains, we must. We hooked it over. Partially or completely take responsibility for it. And sometimes unconsciously substitute its own success.




Before the Christmas holidays has asked students to observe - how often we unconsciously "wedged" in the flow of traffic, speech, actions of our loved ones. How do we actually did not hesitate to de-energize and depreciate them.

Watched:

 - How often do we allow ourselves to interrupt each other. Especially, how often a woman in a man interrupted the companies publicly straightens, gives advice -. All this disrespect initially

It - the energy - "kill" the flow of speech - not just knock off the thoughts, often - to clear the support

. When the woman (wife) publicly corrects, "improve" or ridicules her man, she lowers his status, devalues ​​and shows disrespect. It blows on his "social significance". In this case, if we analyze, butting with our male partners, interrupts, devalues, struggling for power - our "inner man" (of course, not conscious to). And all this at the expense of the power of both partners and a sense of intimacy between them.

A man interrupting a woman takes power. Sometimes trying so haphazard structure, from his point of view, the flow of thoughts and emotions of the right hemisphere in the clarity and consistency of the left.

 - How often do we change the trajectory of movement of the child. For example, a man running for his karapuzovym affairs - it safely, in a timely manner, it is just busy with their tasks. Adults often make it possible to grasp with emotion child in his arms, wedging into the path of movement, to move from place to place, not waiting when the child has completed something, switch it on what they think it is now more important.

When the child something gaming and emotional keen, it, unlike adults, completely immersed in the task. His whole being. One can imagine that he "dive" into the depths of the right brain. He "can not hear" so often adults who call him a logical "shore" - of the left hemisphere. Time must pass that information reached. Alternatively, this information is simply not discernible. When the child quickly from a depth of "lift" - a "overload", fraught with hysteria, fatigue, withdrawal from contact

. Psychologists working with the body, a lot of work with incomplete, interrupted movements. When we break for whatever reason, bodily action, it formed a block on many levels. And out of it "grow" a variety of symptoms.

When we trajectory of movement of the child often change, we "steal" his power, we give it to understand - we are gods, you little impact on what you can. And wee becomes more constrained, or more aggressive, stubborn and impulsive. And the lack of initiative.

And all this we unconscious - disrespect for the processes and dynamics of the small person that leaves a feeling of "I have no influence on that I can not»

.  - When the adult pulled from task to task when wedged into actions or thoughts - the same thing happens if we ask the question - Do I respect enough to processes close, let the man finish the job, or agree on how all correct to moderate problems - at least, will be in a relationship more confidence.

 - When we interfere with their "insights" estimates, hallucinations and advice, unsolicited help when we do something for the person that he is quite able to do it myself. When parents, for example, adult children coming to visit, start to "help" - this does not help, it is disability. This deprivation of power, his experience and findings. This is the promise of a person of any age - you are small and weak, and I can not manage without. And it is not love - is bribery and attempt to prove myself their significance. Trying to be or to remain a child in the role of God.

Wonderful quotation Hellengeru:

"... Anyone who has a problem can carry it, and it alone. If another wants to carry it for him, then he becomes weak ... If I see another something and certainly want him to say it, but I restrain not I say, this is my forces. the forces which this restraint is costing me, and become a force for him. Suddenly he comes to my mind that I wanted to tell him. As this thought came to him myself, he can take it.

If I can not stand, and will certainly want to say something to him, I feel relieved that I said it to him. But I took his force. Even if what I wanted to say, well, he can not accept it as it comes from the outside. So that such a restraint is the basis for respect and a basis of love. "

Watching a few times this month, bumping into something fb, I learned to stop his desire to call a friend with a question: "Well, you think, what you write and are now doing." I stayed because halo removed and wiped his brow guru printing. If I intervene, I take a role, which no one has authorized me, and indeed deprive a person of "his path." And of course, this does not apply to cases where a fast response is needed, and assistance and support -. Necessary

 - When we talk to others something like "everything will be alright." When taking over other solutions, giving advice - we are talking of the role of God. And we deprive us native people of the opportunity to feel themselves, their strength, their needs. By the way, the psychologist has no right to give advice: go - not go to work, converge - Expenses and Other. If gives you - it would be time to personal therapy. To wipe the halo.

Recently, when one of the people close to me enough began to tell how difficult it as tasks and assignments, I (usually speaking: say, how can I help, I'll do it) I said, "I see a lot of problems. But they - these are (the size shown hands), and you're just soooo. And I'm sure in your power and abilities. If you want to be, I'm here, but I know it's you on the force. »

And that's what I felt in the eyes of this man, it was surprisingly: it is joy and gratitude. Probably the first time I have not deprived of its power.

When we cease to be kind to yourself and others, the crowd next to us less and honesty, kindness and the power of love in our lives becomes greater.

Author: Svetlana Roiz