"Real" is not the case - there are happy or not

There were no significant fundamental differences between men and women is extremely low: it is not the differences level "octopus and seagull" or inhabitants of different planets. Specific woman on the particular men may differ weaker than the particular man from another individual men. "A real man and a real woman" - this argument from the category of "real right hand and left real»

. Contrary to appearances, the differences between men and women is not very large. The similarity somewhere 98 points out of a hundred. Just people usually throw these 98 items and see only two remaining.




- He walks a harmful stereotype that female brain male is easier, therefore, they say, women are "stupid" men ...

Female brain actually easier, because a woman in principle easier to men. However, in the structure of all the same. It was found that on average, men more strongly than women.

To obtain the instructions and begin the task, they need 6 seconds, and women - 20, 6 seconds. But you can always find a woman who will be far more decisive than 90% of men. And you can always find a man who will be much less decisive than 90% of women.

Variability in the floor is much higher than intersexual variability. In men, an average of more developed communication within the hemispheres, and women - hemispheric communication. But this difference is statistically significant, it is not enough to radically affect that. Just think of the people easier (not to think!), That we are radically different.

- Where did the concept could be a "real man" and "a real woman»

? This method of control. If you tell me that I'm not a real man, I will strive to become. And one of my weave ropes. The same works in reverse.

Radically changed the formation, in which we live. A hundred years ago 85% of people were villagers. Even the workers lived in barracks, in each other's eyes. That privacy, which we have now, even 50-60 years ago, it was not. And there was social pressure when they told us what is good and what is bad, that the masculine and feminine that

. Today, the rate is very blurred, there are no reference points, and the need for us to say, right, left, and we satisfy it that we find in books, articles and posts on Facebook. In which, for example, it is written: real men here are (and advertising images confirm this). And I was like a man wondering: I "correct" or not

? In general, it's not good: once again nervous, worried. The man, who does not like sports and cars, but loves to sew, is exhausted: while everything is okay with me? By the way: the company, the members of which are not well acquainted with one another, men tend to behave courageously pointed out, even if all the cross embroider at home. Social pressure keeps people in good shape, so they are arranged. They do so, as is customary. And now it is not clear, as it is and how to vesti.Idet complete collapse of role structures, and there is a clear request to the instructions "how to».

Freedom, what to wear, what to eat and what to do, it is much more, and a certain correct way is impossible. You can not tell anyone that someone is "wrong" man or woman. Just not fair to say so.

- Why do we often hear the phrase "real man" and "a real woman", but never "real child»

? Man and woman in many respects - is the role things, not biological. A role - a set of regulations and rules that a person charged. The role of the doctor, the teacher, grandfather, mother, husband, wife ... We can always say "this is a good mother," and this "bad", because "the mother should so-and-so»

. From the role of interactions can not run away, that is why it is clear to us what to expect from the doctor, and the doctor - what to expect from us, patients. It's comfortable. Poor becomes when expectations of human behavior as not in the interest of the person (for example, a man is not interested in "male" things). It does not make it "unreal" in terms of biology, but in terms of the role -. Quite

"Collection orders" for each role, and corresponds to a culture in which a person lives. For example, we at the funeral of a man usually stand with a straight face, the Middle East, men vote, while in Bali - have fun. Any of these scenarios is normal!

For children 3 to 5 years no role. "This boy" and "a real girl" sounds like "you're a good boy" / "you are a good girl" with the appropriate set of instructions on actions and emotions: that you should and should not do than wonder what to do and what emotions to experience. "Good boy" and "good girl" and then transformed into a "real man" and "a real woman».

- Do representation coincide in different floors of the real men and real women

? Do not match. Studies show that the ideal partner in our opinion - is a partner of the same sex only better (stronger, softer, more educated) (meaning, your gender on the nature and characteristics of Conduct) (!). That is the perfect man - sensitive, with whom you can talk heart to heart always and whose interests revolve around you. The ideal woman - is that behind you and go through fire and water, a kind of comrade

. According OV Shishkina (1998), the couple expect from each other manifestations of qualities inherent in mainly the same sex. Thus, women in assessing the importance for family life husband qualities in the first place put honesty, modesty, beauty, attractiveness, cleanliness, education, education, open-mindedness, sensitivity, honesty, sincerity, moderation in the use of hard liquor; Men in assessing significant qualities of his wife celebrate strength, endurance, self-control, self-criticism, independence, respect for parents, hard work.

These data do not mean that men and women differ greatly in their ideas about the qualities of a husband and wife. They are probably in their characteristics the spouse of the opposite sex denote the "pain" points which are most often found in the family (excessive consumption of spirits husbands, wives frequent conflicts with her husband's mother, and so on. D.).

At the same time, men and women, and there are common views on the quality of the spouse. So, both are important as spouses find kindness, compassion, loyalty, devotion and love for children. So we should talk more about the severity of certain qualities, and not their presence or absence.

- It is believed that a woman becomes a woman, only to gain experience of motherhood. Is it a true statement?

The woman - a "metarol". But roles - mother, wife, daughter. While the man did not come into this role, his experience is not complete. He is not poor, it is not "bad" - just no such experience. It's like a trip abroad - someone is yes, and some never. This is not related to the categories of "better / worse" - if the person thinks so, and it covers the guilt of "the role of non-compliance»

. If a person has never been the boss, does that mean that he did not disclose his potential? This means that it does not have such experience. Or if a woman has never given birth, does this mean that it is not opened? No, it means that it did not have such experience. Experience makes us secure, adaptive and stable.

The more a person has different roles, the easier it is to cope with stress. A variety of social relations and the feeling of being competent at least somewhere (to a certain role) - a major prophylactic against depression. If a person has little social roles, he is vulnerable. But if it does not have only one uslovnopyati social roles, it is scary. So if a woman does not give birth, it does not mean that it is not revealed as a woman.

- Is there a separation of the qualities and character properties in male and female

? No. There are two sets of skills related to the external and internal spheres of human life: tool (linked to the achievement, the transformation of something) and emotional (expressive) (communication skills). Women have better developed in the average the past, men - the first, which is associated with learning: Men are taught to solve problems, and women - to distinguish emotions. If taught in a different way - it would be different

. Our perception is imperfect, and we often do not see what is, and what we want to see. Many people think that men are assertive and women soft. In fact, both men and women can be both assertive and soft.

Sometimes men and were glad to share experiences, but they are afraid that they will misunderstand, because they "must" be strong. Both sets of skills useful to have both men and women, in the event that take care of myself. If a woman develops instrumental skills, there is nothing heroic (very cool, you can and nail hammer and tap to fix!), As there is nothing to be ashamed of in the development of male skills of emotional - from that of his social life will only get richer and health -. tightly

- Letter: "My husband says that a woman should not be self - any manifestation of independence, the adoption of decisions on my part to give rise to conflict. I itself is a leader, and when I "put in place", we start to swear. He begins to teach me any, should be a woman, and I like a man in a skirt - domineering and straight. Tell me how to stop a man in a skirt and be feminine. »

She is not the leader she dictator. If you're a leader, what - you can not agree? Rave. The problem begins when one thinks that he is right. Not in the gender case, two gay friend, too, would fall out, but it is unlikely they would be operated by the phrase "you're a woman» /

«you're a man." She wants to be right, that's fine, she just found herself a man for whom this is not acceptable. The question is not that the man she was in a skirt and in her desire to be everywhere and always the right (males have the same problem).

Nobody likes the power of people, but if a man is like a "must" be authoritative, then see it in the woman the man is difficult. Do I need to stop being her power in this relationship - the question, because it is unclear what will happen, what comes to her man, giving him she will always ... All very individually!

To become more feminine, do not seek power. In the long term authoritativeness harm relations. The couple must understand that they are different people, and their task - to learn to negotiate

. With another man in general is extremely difficult to live with. We need other people, but they are very hard. And so we want them to be comfortable. However, any interaction with the other person - it is always difficult. It would be very good to all of us from childhood are constantly told that inevitable lapping and difficulties in living together. Know these people beforehand had not divorced once, we do not think that here they do everything right, but only their partner - wrong, and would be more invested in the relationship

. - "The girls who aspire to a career, like command, arguing loudly and prove his innocence, rude, rude, bad luck in his personal life. If they have one, it is a weak man who unconsciously chooses a woman as strong support and protection for themselves. A man by nature wants to feel stronger and sooner or later it will fall in love with a weak girl, gentle creature, because he wants to protect her, to protect, to be her support. " How would you comment on this observation?

This heuristic thinking - when we use the simplified reasoning strategy ( "All roads - good"). And men who are rude, command and argue - they are that lucky in his personal life? Here read the same letter, only to change the floor of the heroes - nothing will change

. Thus, summing up what has been said: we can have a picture of the "real" citizens, which corresponds to or does not conform to the norms of the society and embodied in specific documents and codes (do not litter, pay taxes, go to the polls, etc. ). But the "real" men and women does not happen - there are happy or not.