5 situations where the problem is not you, as a man

In our culture, most often it is the woman "to blame." Just what is going wrong - in relationships, in the family, with the children - she hears: "Where are you looking," "Why are you allowed?", "What about the others cope?" The psychologist Irina Chesnova talks about situations when a woman is recall that beloved man - an equal member of their union, and does not take responsibility for his behavior, his choice and his life

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1. He does not seek to make money

"The true woman inspires man to his deeds" - more and more often lately, we hear about. And if a man is not burning desire to move mountains, of course, it's just a woman next to him "fake" and does not know how to inspire.

What really? A woman can really inspire your man, but not any special or spells known only to a narrow circle of the "true" women's actions. And just by the fact of its existence, the fact that she loved and unique.

If a man is not eager to earn, then, most likely, he simply low level of claims. It can be content with little. It may, because it is not necessarily satisfied. And for whatever their own reasons - dedication, which paid little or unwillingness to strain - it does not aspire to a decent income

. The woman in this case, we have to admit that its level above claims. She is the most need. She has other ideas about a happy, comfortable life. Grunts and sawing her husband will not help matters. Exit: to lower their expectations of men, to see it real, to move the focus from it to yourself and start to invest in their own financial independence

. 2. He finds fault, says you some "not so»

Unkind, unfeminine, lack of initiative. What you want - "wrong". And because of that, he behaves, and does not add anything. And if you were the other would receive a different attitude.

It is not true. This manipulative pedal, which crush those who are used to shift the responsibility on others. The matter did not in you. Once you fall in love in this way you are, and now suddenly it turns out that you are hard enough in all respects.

Hearing something like that, in any case, do not dive into the feelings of guilt and shame, do not think that now you work on yourself, try and be all happy. Nothing is more correct in the relationship than to be myself, true, genuine, love the other, do not want to hurt him and preserve self-esteem.

And if your partner do not like something in your behavior or respect, he can talk about it and offer solutions: "I do not like so-and-so, let's think about how to change it." But do not emphasize your flaws and not pretend that it is a perfect ideal and trying so hard, and you are "not so", "wrong" and all the difficulties because of you.

3. He often you take offense, poses as

It is important to understand what kind of "offense" in question. If a man hears from your lips: "What Russell, a thick stump, even money can not make normal," - then obviously there is something to be offended

. But if you say, "I hate when you promise, but do not do" or "a lot of work, I can not go to your parents this weekend," and in response to a man stands up in an angry pose, you need to think about. But it is not that you are unresponsive partner, and hurt a good man. And that you did not do anything offensive, and resent or not - it's his choice

. He could have chosen any other reaction - for example, say "I'm sorry." Remember: we are not responsible for the feelings and moods of others. Pouting, demanding an apology and overcompensation, or to hear your position and understand it - it is their choice. At the sight of the offended person dear person you can only express my regret.

4. He has another woman or a second family

Again, in our society it is believed that "by the husband of a good wife does not walk." And "if it is in you all arranged, he would not go to the left." In general, the responsibility for the emergence of life in another woman's husband is assigned also to his wife: she nedodala

. Fornication present in the lives of people for a variety of different reasons. Often spouses with shock "invested" in such a situation. But not always the wife of "guilty" in the fact that her husband had another woman or another family.



A man can be quite satisfied with their marriage, very appreciate and love his wife. And at the same time to enrich your life with someone else. The wife in this case can be anything - a beautiful, soft, demanding, ambitious, delicious. But that's not it.

The case - in particular man. If its value system admits extramarital affair - so he allows her to me. It's his choice. And for his choice, he himself is responsible.

5. He dependence

Dependence can be any - alcohol, drug, games. "It's because of you I am, I brought you" - shouts in a drunken stupor lost every human face husband. "A good man's wife does not drink" - is echoed by others. And the woman heard this, with redoubled force continues to "save" her man.

As a rule, it is not possible, and it is even more immersed in feelings of guilt, helplessness and despair. As long as you believe that the relationship of her husband - your problem is, unfortunately, no success will not. This problem - not yours, and not because of you. While you are trying to control it, to persuade, to save and treat, nothing will change. You will play the scenario victim rescue tyrant and run around in circles, wasting energy, time and life.



The turning point will come when the man himself wants to stay. Himself. When recognized, not under your pressure, but inside himself that he - dependent, that he does not control himself and destroys himself and those who love him. When your legs go to the narcologist and psychotherapist. Then begins the moment the problem solution, a way out of the vicious circle and a completely different life.