To a child did not grow up selfish, selfish is to be mom Bashny.Net

- Well, - he said the girlfriend, skeptical glance at cheep bundle, tied with a blue ribbon tight - and you brought into the house of the tyrant. While small. But mind you, it will grow. So do not wait, immediately take a second. Then they "closed" on each other and not grow quite so selfish.

Not yet come to himself from the first, the second, I even did not dare to think. "I will try to live with the tyrant!" - I said to myself mentally and to the very top in the happiness of motherhood plunged

. At first, we "tyrant" get used to each other. Then he learned to understand each other. Then rejoice first achievements. And all this time I was not tired frighten compassionate friend and neighbor, "Wait, that will grow - know. Remember, both of his hands did not take, dobaluesh! »




And we are with each other became more interesting. I read all sorts of clever books and fearlessly tried out pedagogical innovations at Deniska. And for turnichok in the crib he bravely clinging, and walking became early, bypassing the "polzatelny" stage, and the winter ran barefoot in the snow and read the first book in three year.

"Do not mother and sadistic!" - Openly indignant neighbor, once again seeing the baby without caps. "It is wrong to dissolve in the offspring!" - Verdict surrounding and with undisguised glee waiting for when I start to reap the bitter fruits of pedagogical

. In turn, the young mother, too, began to feel the strength, trying to determine the scope of what is permitted. For a while I was able to resolve conflicts through negotiation. The method, let's face it, it takes time. Set aside towards undercooked mess, I moved away nedomytaya dishes and ... was composed tale about another rude bunny-pig or pig.

But once the waste reception has failed. Chado pounding feet on the floor and comes in hysterics, necessarily required to give him to mock the "holosenkuyu" Thing from the top shelf. My sensible reasons were rejected, and the roar of momentum. The first impulse was to weigh the legal parent slap. Fleeing from temptation, I got up and walked out, closing the door behind him.

Two minutes roar louder, and then got stuck on one note and ... moved to the monotonous whine. And a second later there was quite surprised by my child on the threshold: "What did you go ?! I told you cry! "His indignation knew no bounds. "No, please, you cry yourself if you love it so much. I do not like, so I went. People, if you want to understand each other, speak, and do not roar ... »

This was our first test of strength. Potential "tyrant" realized unreasonable demands expressed categorically, my mother does not address. And shout into the void itself is more expensive. I clarify: no matter how sorry choking crying child, sometimes you have to give him the opportunity to cry ...

The next testing ground was a store. Mothers already know the all the charm of public extortion with howls and screams: "Buy, the greedy", admitted: it's really an incredible feeling! When Dennis took me to the most expensive machine and loudly demanded: "Mom, buy", I inwardly tense ( "Here it is - begins!"). Then she took him by the hand and went to the hanging next to the coat: "Denis, buy me this! I like so much ... »

Until now see before me utterly astonished attractive face his son: "Mommy, - for some reason, he said, in a whisper, - but because I have no money ..." - "Do you know - I said in a conspiratorial tone, - I have them either, so I'll stay as long as no new coat, and you - no cars. Progress? »

Readily agreeing, sonny trotted to the exit. Since then, during any trips for shopping, he was interested in moving, whether we have enough money for food, ice cream, toys. And now, as a teenager, he never picks fights material. Firstly, because in the course of my ability. Second, he knows just - "out of spite" or educational purposes - it I will not restrict in pocket money. If you do not give, then really can not. And it seems to me normal that first the money, honestly earned in the Mathematical Olympiad, Denis (according to the laws of the genre have to be selfish) spent not on wheels or gum, and proudly brought her mother.

Listening to the stories of her friends about how their one and only offspring pose ultimatums and almost suicidal threatened in case of refusal in buying a computer or new shoes, I think, I have passed this cup because I never created your child a separate "child "life.

I introduced her son to the best of his age, in the course of my problems. And not just the material. I taught him to listen to the state of mind of someone close. He knew that my mother might be in a bad mood because of the troubles at work. I understood, when it is better not to have it on a hike in the park because I have to deliver the material in the room. (And that's what I'm doing, it was not an abstraction for him, he was my submission he tried to "make" your own magazine.)

He is the "center of the universe" was never around which revolved relatives. But I always knew that, too, something that depends on it. For example, if you learn how to cook dinner can all spend a vacation in the country. (In twelve years bungled pancakes, fry potatoes, cook spaghetti and meatballs warm up for him no problem! In special cases and bake a cake can.)

If you can prove that well-versed in the city will go to computer clubs, libraries and programming courses. If you do not have to sit at home, because I carry it once. Exam on the "urban orienteering" put a gloss, so now the baby sometimes tells me how much more convenient to get.

What exactly mothers quenched in children myself, I was convinced, even when Dennis was three. I remember, in Gorky Park we humbly stood in line and watched the same picture. Carousel slows down, and then, as if on cue, to throw her mother - to remove the children, followed by others - to plant. I, as a true "sadist" (remember?), Let go of the child. He expertly chooses "their" animal. Climbs. Slips. Trying again.

Of the last forces refrain from in order not to rush to the rescue. But here it is, a small victory! Denis climbed still on his horse and just beaming with happiness. "You're the first one who threw the boy did not seat next - over the ear sounds raspy voice, the old man's servant. - And those who raise themselves Nurse »

? But really we are Keeping yourself future problems or joy. "My bonehead fourteen, and he does not make the sandwich, not zastelet bed, do not sew a button ..." - you probably have heard similar

. And why, I ask, he will do it, if the mother is a much better and she willingly served his fourteen? He really does not understand why something has to change.

Once I realized intuitively, but now almost certain that the kid did not grow up selfish, you have to be a mom-selfish. I never "sacrificed everything" for the sake of his son. Moreover, he did not hide from their weaknesses. The four-Denis knew for morning mom loves to sleep. So he quietly dressed, followed by the kitchen, eating biscuits with yogurt and playing one until I came out of the bedroom. Now, going to school in the first shift, it will going, breakfast, walking a dog and goes to school. Mom can sleep peacefully!

Also, I never forgot that my son - a man. And I - a woman! Passengers just fell out of the windows, watching the five-year gentleman takes my mother's hand, coming out of the bus. Cloakroom attendant in a children's theater just melted by touching scene: the kid is trying to help my mother put on a coat

. Today, all these rituals of etiquette for Denis absolutely natural and familiar. Of course, I like it. I do like my son. And I'm not ashamed to tell him about it. He knows that I am always ready to understand, to listen, to support. I'm aware of all of its affairs and problems. It is too bad oriented in the mine.

I never aspired to be inaccessible to the child idol - broadcasters and order, punishing and miluyuschim. Or servant, ready to fulfill any whim. I always wanted to be his friend. I do not 'sculpt' it. I do not dream that he "realized that I could not." I want him to live his life. Interesting to him. And for this, no drill and tediousness, without forced driving in circles and the music, and little by little, and I accidentally "slipped" his new hobby. To make it as much as possible food for thought and choices to make. "How do you pretend that you all this interesting? - Once I asked a friend. - I have my Sasha begins to talk about their computers, so I just tend to sleep »

. I had to admit that I did not understand the question. I really wonder! Fascinated by astronomy, the night we went to see with binoculars at the starry sky. "Sick" cacti - all the free time spent in flower shops. At glued aquarium and wept over each sdohshey fish. Together we are looking for the escaped our dissolute poodle. Even embroidered at the time - and then together

- What are you doing! - Taught me older and experienced. - A child holds so much for you, that no man nowhere near vschemitsya. Do you have a divorce after his life did not suit!

I did not think so, gradually accustoming Denis to the fact that he does not have a monopoly on the mother. He knew that my mother should be personal life. I'm used to, that I may come too late, that I was often invited to go somewhere. He perceived without enthusiasm. But now he jokes that all life lives in the face of fierce competition, and therefore learned to indulge all my whims. And he knows that he can not be a bad thing, if the mother is happy

. - Of course - yazvyat my restless neighbor - the child has to be responsible. Well you do not look for him: the bowling alley, the fitness club, the hairdresser ...

I do not look! Because time had taught him self-service. I do not check homework. Because I know it will make them myself without my reminders. I do not always ask about the estimates. For sure: I will answer in response to the "harvest" of fives. And I do not even go to parent-teacher conferences. Because my ideas about education are absolutely not fit into the school dogma.

I know that I will not cook for him every day of the three-course dinners, I will not wash socks and throw myself on the trousers press out the arrows. I'm sorry it's own time and effort. But I will postpone all cases, all the dates, all the "burning" materials to read him poetry, talk about love, friendship and betrayal, or just why Ira from a parallel class came to school today with burgundy hair ...
Author: Natalia Andreeva