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What we acquire through the father
Psychological problem of his father - the protection and recognition. If the father is ready to protect the baby from loud aunt, big guys or bad dog - it will generate confidence in it: "The world is on my side. I'm protected. »
Subsequently, such a man will defend himself itself - with all people encroaching on its borders. And the question now is not so much about the physical self-defense, but about respect for their rights - for example, do not do what you do not want
.
The presence of the father is very important in the life of a child
Alas, we meet more often to the fact that the father is nominally present, but does not build any emotional relationship with the child. Fathers work. They are very busy extracting the daily bread. And ... avoids emotional contact with their children.
But for the presence of a child in his father's life it is as important as the mother. As mentioned above, without faith in the father of her child, he (the child) would not be able to feel their rights and the courage to insist on them. At heart, he is timid and afraid, dreamed of someone to protect him stronger.
Recognition - the second most important task. It forms the father of the child the feeling of "I can, I will." Recognition - this is not something special. It's just a decision to take the children with him on a fishing trip (a kind of initiation into the company of men increases their self-esteem), or agree to answer their questions (recognition of their value), or cheer when they have something does not work (it helps them to feel confidence in the themselves). From such simple things the child is able to conclude that it is valuable, respect - and thus the whole world respects him
. Problems begin when the father competes with the children, doing a discount on age; accuses controls, devalues ...
competition field can be very different - intelligence, for example. "Come on, tell me, how much will the nine-eight?" - He asks in first-graders. Having the wrong answer, happily calls right, all kind showing that he is the smartest in the family. Other competitive field - playing sport. Some fathers, not concealing malice, beat their offspring, expressing in this unequal fight his superiority.
As our children get emotional wounds? ..
It happens so that a child would be tried, so he did, he could not earn the respect of his father. Good student - "Can you better", is making progress in the sport - "You're not the Olympic champion," trying to help around the house - "little help". Rana rejection can then be sick forever. Even reaching great success in any field, such a person will continue to hear now the "inner" father. "You're not good enough»
The child may seek recognition from other people - teachers, friends, in the future - colleagues. But the rejection of the father will always remind the inside, that all this - temporarily. We need to prove every day that you deserve - the job, this position in the society, this circle. Even having achieved recognition, a man in the depths of the soul waiting revelations - so the critics say, and depreciating father inside
. The man who was lucky enough to be recognizing the value of his father, does not need everyday prove that he is worthy of respect. He respects himself, he will not go out of their way, and does not look into other people's eyes, hoping to see there is interest in himself. And, alas, it is a great rarity.
Particularly serious consequences occur if the father shows violence - physical, emotional, ... and then the world, which inherits the child - this is a very dangerous place, where might is right and can do with you whatever he wants
. Violence father is dangerous by the fact that, in spite of everything, he remains an important figure who, in representation of the child, she loved him. So love is forever associated with violence. Subsequently, he can be in love or violence, for example, to create a pair of overwhelming people. In his understanding, or a "picture of the world", as psychologists say, if there is no violence, there is no love.
The tragedy of such heritage lies in the fact that an unrecognized and unprotected child can not grow up psychologically. In other words, under the shell of the adult lives a little boy or girl, who is still looking for protection and recognition from the archetypal media power and authority - the state, the chief, the president, God
. What happens if I let the boys cry?
When the boys cry of resentment, frustration, loss - they (as well as girls) learn to live their pain. On the psychological level, this means: "Yes, there was trouble with me, and I have the right otgorevat his misfortune." And then even a strong and tragic event begins to lose its power. You receive the energy to go on.
This is a psychological law, and no one has yet been able to get around it without loss. If a boy or girl, man or woman can not afford to live their pain and, worst of all, continue to deny it, you will have to pay dearly for it. On the retention of pain spent a huge amount of psychic energy.
Violence against generates a lot of anger that needs to do something with. Anger - a very strong energy, which can not disappear by itself. All destructive model, described above, has its origins in self-suppression.
Judge for yourself - where will such a person power to sympathize with anyone, even if his own child
? That remains the only - to work hard, because I have to, to relax with a beer, because it is impossible to live in constant stress and emotions pour out only a football match
. Take the boy with his emotions - then ensure his mental health and a more fulfilling adulthood
. If it is valued, respected - it will also appreciate and respect. And if he did not have to contain and suppress their feelings, it will not require it and from their loved ones. Only by respecting ourselves, we are able to show respect for other people.
Is not that what we all want?
Veronica Chlebowo
Subsequently, such a man will defend himself itself - with all people encroaching on its borders. And the question now is not so much about the physical self-defense, but about respect for their rights - for example, do not do what you do not want
.
The presence of the father is very important in the life of a child
Alas, we meet more often to the fact that the father is nominally present, but does not build any emotional relationship with the child. Fathers work. They are very busy extracting the daily bread. And ... avoids emotional contact with their children.
But for the presence of a child in his father's life it is as important as the mother. As mentioned above, without faith in the father of her child, he (the child) would not be able to feel their rights and the courage to insist on them. At heart, he is timid and afraid, dreamed of someone to protect him stronger.
Recognition - the second most important task. It forms the father of the child the feeling of "I can, I will." Recognition - this is not something special. It's just a decision to take the children with him on a fishing trip (a kind of initiation into the company of men increases their self-esteem), or agree to answer their questions (recognition of their value), or cheer when they have something does not work (it helps them to feel confidence in the themselves). From such simple things the child is able to conclude that it is valuable, respect - and thus the whole world respects him
. Problems begin when the father competes with the children, doing a discount on age; accuses controls, devalues ...
competition field can be very different - intelligence, for example. "Come on, tell me, how much will the nine-eight?" - He asks in first-graders. Having the wrong answer, happily calls right, all kind showing that he is the smartest in the family. Other competitive field - playing sport. Some fathers, not concealing malice, beat their offspring, expressing in this unequal fight his superiority.
As our children get emotional wounds? ..
It happens so that a child would be tried, so he did, he could not earn the respect of his father. Good student - "Can you better", is making progress in the sport - "You're not the Olympic champion," trying to help around the house - "little help". Rana rejection can then be sick forever. Even reaching great success in any field, such a person will continue to hear now the "inner" father. "You're not good enough»
The child may seek recognition from other people - teachers, friends, in the future - colleagues. But the rejection of the father will always remind the inside, that all this - temporarily. We need to prove every day that you deserve - the job, this position in the society, this circle. Even having achieved recognition, a man in the depths of the soul waiting revelations - so the critics say, and depreciating father inside
. The man who was lucky enough to be recognizing the value of his father, does not need everyday prove that he is worthy of respect. He respects himself, he will not go out of their way, and does not look into other people's eyes, hoping to see there is interest in himself. And, alas, it is a great rarity.
Particularly serious consequences occur if the father shows violence - physical, emotional, ... and then the world, which inherits the child - this is a very dangerous place, where might is right and can do with you whatever he wants
. Violence father is dangerous by the fact that, in spite of everything, he remains an important figure who, in representation of the child, she loved him. So love is forever associated with violence. Subsequently, he can be in love or violence, for example, to create a pair of overwhelming people. In his understanding, or a "picture of the world", as psychologists say, if there is no violence, there is no love.
The tragedy of such heritage lies in the fact that an unrecognized and unprotected child can not grow up psychologically. In other words, under the shell of the adult lives a little boy or girl, who is still looking for protection and recognition from the archetypal media power and authority - the state, the chief, the president, God
. What happens if I let the boys cry?
When the boys cry of resentment, frustration, loss - they (as well as girls) learn to live their pain. On the psychological level, this means: "Yes, there was trouble with me, and I have the right otgorevat his misfortune." And then even a strong and tragic event begins to lose its power. You receive the energy to go on.
This is a psychological law, and no one has yet been able to get around it without loss. If a boy or girl, man or woman can not afford to live their pain and, worst of all, continue to deny it, you will have to pay dearly for it. On the retention of pain spent a huge amount of psychic energy.
Violence against generates a lot of anger that needs to do something with. Anger - a very strong energy, which can not disappear by itself. All destructive model, described above, has its origins in self-suppression.
Judge for yourself - where will such a person power to sympathize with anyone, even if his own child
? That remains the only - to work hard, because I have to, to relax with a beer, because it is impossible to live in constant stress and emotions pour out only a football match
. Take the boy with his emotions - then ensure his mental health and a more fulfilling adulthood
. If it is valued, respected - it will also appreciate and respect. And if he did not have to contain and suppress their feelings, it will not require it and from their loved ones. Only by respecting ourselves, we are able to show respect for other people.
Is not that what we all want?
Veronica Chlebowo
