The antidote to the destructive power of insults

All once insulted. Not called names, had not been beaten in the fight - it is insulted

. The feelings that arise when - first anger, aggression, depression, and then the feeling of something unspeakably disgusting, such that it is impossible to forget and correct, except that after many years or a century ...

It is no coincidence even 150 years ago believed that insult can be washed away by the blood - or his or enemy ...



© Adam Martinakis

Lethal Weapon

"Do not answer", "need to forgive," "do not descend to the level of the enemy." A lot of the "wise" advice, backed up by strange parables teach us the "correct" response to insult. However, there are laws punishing the person for contempt. But that is easier - leave proudly and humbly forgive. Let insult. Today, insulted, struck tomorrow, the next day killed.

Clearly, there were holy men who transcend insults. They are from them only made stronger and better. But the average person first comes adrenaline, which increases blood pressure, affects the cardiovascular system, and then run other chemical reactions.

And exactly the same as if hit with a stick on the head. This study conclusively proved psychophysiologists man has second signaling system that responds to the question on the emotional events

. When newspapers started hounding Pasternak, he first experienced a heart attack, and then fell ill with lung cancer. And he died in agony. Cancer was developed during the publication of the letters of Soviet citizens, filled with righteous anger and insults such as:

"Poems Pasternak I have not read. But one day in the swamp saw a toad, which published the infamous croaking. The same issue croaking Pasternak, slandering our country ... »

I believe envious poets of the XVIII century considerably reduced the age of the great University. Try to imagine (but better not) that a person feels while reading these verses:

"Although drunken throat closed, pendulous crop, will not get you there with a beer keg in the coffin? And just happy to be in the future mnish century as many of you here in the affection and care? »

Anger and undisguised envy and gush out of Trediakovsky pen, and he wanted to insult a painful, hit ... The poem, by the way, so-so, but the insult - at the level of the communal kitchen, professional

. The battle on the battlefield

Before the slaughter began with mutual insults. However, now the same. Enemy trying to humiliate, crush, ruffle, deprive the ability to think soberly and adequately react to and then destroy in battle. No wonder some of the words are called - "abusive": since ancient times they have been used on the battlefield, along with fists, slings, maces and firearms

. For the suppression and destruction of personality also uses insults, that sooner or later destroy the psychological defense turn a person into a creature trembling. Regular abuse can kill a man, even if it does not apply to physical impact. The result will be the same as in the daily beatings.

By the way, in the United States to the problem of abuse were treated extremely seriously. Sometimes it comes to comic: can not be called fat people fat - should speak and write "people, developing horizontally." A loser is recommended to call a "man with a deferred success". So the problem is solved at the state level ...

Fight fire

How to treat insults? I think this question is answered by the body itself: Violent biochemical and physiological reactions depend very little on our conscious intervention. Therefore, the wise proverbs and philosophical aphorisms somehow lose their relevance at the time of serious offenses. However, the offender himself much at risk - who knows what the reaction will give your brain

? Freud was a great psychologist and cultured man. One day he was riding on the train; in the car it was stuffy, and the doctor opened the window.

A gentleman started to protest. Not only protest, but at the same time Freud called "Yid snout" and other insulting epithets. The calculation was correct, at first glance: the Nazis almost in power, the death camp is about to start working, and the gentleman in a pince-nez and a hat that he will make

? To the amazement of those present, Freud broke a fierce abuse that rough companion retreated. Escaped.

And somehow I like the behavior of a psychologist. It seems most appropriate in this context.

In addition, as a psychiatrist, Freud knew: unrealized aggression turns into depression, that is aggression directed at themselves

. Psychosomatic disease - a consequence autoaggression: depressed voltage leads to arthritis, heart attacks, cancer ... People are more likely to get sick, so that they become hostages of double standards. We are taught that we should forgive offenders. Does not respond to insults. And at the same time give us examples of the image related to the hero who spits in the face of fascist!

In the case of abuse should act appropriately, in accordance with the conditions and the personality of the enemy. The first reaction is always due to the release of huge amounts of adrenaline, so pause. All the same, you are disoriented, and the right words will not be easy to find.

Provide oxygen flow to the brain, inhale a deep breath, exhale. And only then decide - engage in battle or wait for the right moment. But in any case you need to express your feelings, and you can immediately - to convey as neutral a message: "What you say offends me. You hurt me. I do not know how to react now, but I think

. " This, of course, for the people familiar, sometimes, unfortunately, close. With other people's different rules apply: it all depends on which side force

. The best antidote

One patient told me an instructive story. As a teenager, her girlfriend offended. Once she said: "What are you all colors and dress? Prettier, it is still not become! »

A friend knew that the girl is very worried because of the appearance, because they were close. Hurts and stabbed.

It seems like nothing bad joke in taste Trediakovsky. A girl suffered severe mental anguish, his life remembered those words.

She grew up and even a little old. By age 50, he had a fashionable salon, a company organizing events and family. And a good car, which drove up out of pity in the rain and the cold voice of a woman.

Old woman, more correctly. And with amazement and awe I recognized her friend, a classmate. That long list of the troubles and unhappiness, complaining of life, exuding the smell of fume. At the end of the road has become a pop money without knowing the former friend of. And when my patient refused the money, he threw it in the face of the bill. He insulted, short, out of habit. Only no insult the lady did not feel - not work

! Firmly believe: the best riposte offender - your health and well-being. Even in early childhood, we knew the magic protective formulas: "Who else call names, the so-called himself", "We are in an airplane, and you - in the cesspit" ... All returns and deliberately evil and deadly word - especially
<. br> Now, if Pasternak did not just read the "letter of the workers", filled with anger and venom, but ruined the purchase envelopes to send them back with short postscripts, you see, and would not get sick.

And if there is no return address, which prevents mentally write the answer, seal it in an imaginary envelope or on the keyboard to type a message and send it to the enemy, even in anywhere? Thus we respond to insults - this is what is required by the body. So let us act, even on a mental level. Incidentally, he sometimes works better than the level of the material.

Author: Anna Kir'yanova