Healing from multiple sclerosis: a personal experience. Part 1
"Enlightenment is actually no difference. The tree will be a tree; People remain people. And you will be the same as before - quick-tempered or balanced, intelligent or stupid. The only difference is that now you look at the world through different eyes. You look at everything as if from the outside. The heart is filled with joy at the touch of a miracle.
This is the essence of contemplation - in the sense of wonder.
Contemplation is different from the ecstasy that it does not lead to escape from reality. The enlightened contemplative continues to chop wood and carry water from the well. Contemplation is different from the feeling of beauty. Enjoying the beauty of a painting or a sunset gives an aesthetic delight and contemplation everything turns into a miracle - and a beautiful sunset, and the most ordinary stone.
Such a perception is peculiar to children. They were all surprised. They constantly experience a delight. Therefore, they can easily get into the kingdom of God.
Students asked many questions about God. And the Master said:
- God no one knows, it is impossible to know God's mind. Any statement about him, any answer to your questions is only a perversion of truth.
The disciples were puzzled.
- Then why are you talking about him?
- And why the bird sings?
Not because she wants to loudly about something, but because it has a song.
Understand the need to word scientist. Masters do not need to understand. Wizards have to listen to, just as you listen to the rustling of the wind in the tree crowns, the noise of the river, the birds singing. Wizard Word awaken in their hearts what is beyond all knowledge. »
«The Song of the Bird» Anthony de Mello
Year of the second.
Before my mind's eye more often involuntarily there is an image.
I sit in a wheelchair, covered with checkered wool blanket, look at August yellowed leaves on red, in the dew, side ripe apple peeking out of the grass. Through the foliage punched bright gentle rays of the setting sun. Picture colorful and painfully frightening.
I work in a small company for the production of food, on the post of the head of the marketing department. by inertia career goes uphill, but I clearly understand that already professionally does not develop, I have no desire.
Since all my thoughts are subject to drug discovery, and the responses to the question "Why me?", "It can not be", the rejection, the horror of the situation, and the feeling of being a victim of circumstances, sometimes ridiculous going wild.
The network I find forums dedicated to multiple sclerosis.
They meet completely different people, united by a single sign - disease
The main features of such communication: a collective depression, such as reassurance, "all is well" charged one and all (doctors, government, family, friends, city administrations, spouses) of indifference. And as an underlying confidence that their grief is the bitter sorrow in the world, and all must immediately give up their case and simply must start to save them. Although this is certainly not enough, because they are the most unfortunate martyrs in the universe.
And also a lot of useful information about the world, "accidents" ... Medicines, doctors names, clinics, treatments, from time to time appear sensational statements about the new medications are often quack medicine, and overall total disbelief.
Complaints about his condition, interspersed with requests for assistance to the people only learn about the disease ...
Welcome to the world of outcasts.
Accumulation of depressed people rushing deadlocked own weakness, as if in hell, either because of emotional lability flowing into unwarranted complacency and sentimentality, trusting related to everything that offers the pharmaceutical market and its underground, buying up everything and desperately try out for yourself.
Either the child stubborn defending, the "gold standard" of official medicine, that is, the little that it is ready to offer them before you put her in a wheelchair. At the same time, denying a heresy, any inappropriate tenets of this system of things. Whether cases of recovery in general, or new methods and theories related to the occurrence, development and treatment of the disease.
The third group of the least numerous. These are people with a strong mentality is still relatively healthy and do not pay attention to all the symptoms and the diagnosis of doctors who continue to live a normal life. In fact, cut off from the problem, they do not change anything in my life, except for medical removal of exacerbations.
It is the second year of illness, I understood the basic principle that operates this community:
All three groups do not take responsibility for what happens in your life, giving her the wrong hands, whether it is qualified doctors, friends, relatives, or clergy, charlatans. And how would not be benevolent, the other, they decide everything for these people until they are helpless, lazy and unarmed.
People are able to take responsibility for what is happening, - units. It - active seekers. Such trusting your intuition, your own body reactions, and are determined to find a way out of the situation. As a rule, these people are going their own way, and hoping only for themselves.
To heal, as a rule, only the most recent. I was lucky - I am familiar with such personally :)
At the end of the second year of illness I had made for myself a conclusion that the first step - the beginning of healing - to take responsibility for what is happening in their own lives
Take responsibility for everything - it is to understand what you are responsible for choosing a doctor for any medication and in what way YOU drink, for what and how you think and feel. Even just to take responsibility, realizing that no one in this world should not be, is not obliged to and will not save you, except yourself, quite a serious progress to recovery.
The second step in this interesting way for me to become a thorough study of this disease. I began to understand the medicine and the principles of their actions. I carefully collect and analyze this information, focusing on the consequences of their use and side effects. I tried to see each symptom on all sides, including from the standpoint of alternative medicine.
I always consulted with her doctor, but at the same time her own decisions, and it should be noted, is greatly facilitated my life.
Now many of them have the Internet, and if not, when we are talking about the desire to live, usually everyone is able to get access to it, well, except perhaps those who have expressed a desire is not enough. I will not argue this is good or bad, simply stating: today, for many patients the information - it literally lives
The third year of life with multiple sclerosis turned to me hard work, stress and knowledge.
Internal psychological unpreparedness, the conflict of ideals and emotional vulnerability led to disappointment in the profession, people, society, itself. That naturally led to the aggravation of health problems. My old world cracked and falling apart piece by piece, it was necessary to build a new one, with the operating principles, the newly acquired adequate reality.
The evolution of the patient, according to my personal classification, I stepped to the last stage. I left work with a clear intention to understand what is happening with me. Despite the fact that the coming leap year 2004 was for me the most difficult in terms of health, and I was as much as 5 exacerbations, and he was one of the most fruitful in terms of personal development.
I have not worked the full year, I stayed at home and read, read, read, read ... and worked hard, doing mental exercises, meditating, changed their thoughts, emotions, life.
I already came absolute certainty that diseases are rooted in my psyche and self-observation shows that all its physical manifestations of a reaction - a consequence of the image of my thoughts and actions
My former permanent depression, resentment, frustration, fears, complexes, experiences - all sucked out of me much needed vitality. The conflict of thoughts, ideas, ideals, and suddenly opened my new reality, conflicting values and desires I was torn.
According to my observations confession I eased my condition, even physical, but nothing has changed fundamentally. By the time it became obvious that my understanding of the Orthodox faith in its everyday aspect, ie, Priesthood officially taught by the concept of sin, dogma and limitations do not correspond to my inner understanding of God as a father, not a jealous and greedy creatures from the Old Testament, and can not explain what is happening to me in my life, satisfy the thirst of knowledge. It made me look.
I had an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, thirst for meaning, or if you want the living God, the desire to understand what laws this world works.
Inside I showed up and calibrate the internal compass which unerringly to point to the love and acceptance. Together with a critical mind, subjected to each newly received information analysis, for compliance with the life experiences and situations taking place, he carried out the search and the discovery of the relationship between my thoughts, actions and events that took place in my life after them.
He helped me to select and weigh thoughts and ideas, gradually build their own world system, more comfortable, more relaxed, more friendly and full of unconditional love.
This thirst literally as powerful motor dragged me from book to book, from discovery to discovery, making a lot of study of human thought, from all over the world, life experiences and beliefs. The theory behind the theory, practice for practice ... I gradually began to turn from the "servants of God" in his beloved and loving child.
What are your favorite authors and books of the period table:
Louise Hay "You Can Heal your body, heal your life" (practical exercises in forgiveness and a common approach)
Liked? "Listen to your body," etc. (Exercise and approach)
Vladimir Sinelnikov, "Love your illness," etc.
MS Norbekov "Experience of the fool", etc. (Destruction of stereotypes directed imagination, emotional states on experience)
PD Assumption / GI. Gurdjieff "In Search of the Miraculous" (the main blow to the framework and stereotypes that happened to me)
Donald Walsh "Conversations with God" (Very sensible book about a relationship with God, one of the key)
Ram Tzu "No way ...»
R. Bach - especially the "Illusion" and "Jonathan Livingston Seagull" artistic soul
German Gёsse "Siddhartha" (philosophical, almost meditative beautiful thing)
Robert Anton Wilson "Prometheus rebelled. Psychology of evolution "(conceptual, for the mind)
Gradually expand the scope of my stereotypes, in proportion to the increased acceptance, awareness, positive, courage and freedom of judgment. The first time in quite a long time on my lips began to appear sincere happy smile. I began to feel the signs of liberation and euphoria.
This greatly contributed to the passage of the art "Forgiveness" by Louise Hay. After reading the "Experience of the fool" Norbekova is not power, but perhaps even from time to time deliberately to cause the desired emotions, and creative energy hit, allowing revel in it, rejoice and feel your body.
Skills of introspection, stop the internal dialogue, acquired in meditation, concentration based on tracking their own thoughts, based on the practices of Orthodoxy and Taoism, let me choose a non-judgmental perception of reality.
The inner spiritual value perception of Christianity served as a solid foundation for further development. Thoughts Gurdjieff horizons and broke stereotypes, opens up the possibility for another treat any knowledge embodied in books and human experience. The words "All that I can, and you can, and even more" ceased to be an empty phrase, and gradually took the place of one of the fundamental building block of my universe.
The accumulation of knowledge and experience gradually allowed to change the thoughts and habitual reactions, and finally, learn how to choose their own future.
There was a feeling of intense life, took to the conscious level of the relationship, which previously I had no idea. The discovery, the discovery of a life filled with bright colors and a clear understanding of their true capabilities.
And then one day, namely, in the night of 6 January 7 ie Orthodox Christmas has happened to me is something that I am inclined to call the Enlightenment.
Physically and emotionally it was a bright flash of indescribable feeling of joy, of light, happiness, inner peace and confidence in the world. Instant awareness of a part of it, loved, desired and protected. The feeling of unconditional love for all living beings, overpowering sense of unity.
I can not say at what point was my healing, but after this experience exacerbations more never repeated.
It was easy and difficult at the same time, it is like taking a step in a parallel reality. Now my world - it is a daily miracle visit. And there is no longer any disease, except that I sometimes come in handy, and that I allow myself to attend.
August 2, 2006.
In my life for nearly two years as the "official" no multiple sclerosis diagnosis withdrawn. He changed my life and left her like a wave left on the sand scattering treasure, thanks to this disease, my reality has changed drastically and continues to change.
On my desk is a saucer filled to the brim filled with strawberries, close emits subtle fragrance strong black tea, which can be seen in flower petals.
In my disposal is small, but bright room, a large ten-house overlooks the busy street in Beirut in March Ilyas. More I have a pen and plenty of clean white paper. The sea in the evening, and a starry sky with huge moon at night. And what else is needed for happiness and sabbatical?
Nevertheless, I decided to write a book about the healing of multiple sclerosis. Write a pen on paper, a pen she had bought in the Moscow metro in the silent man. I think it's a sign. This is a very good handle, she lived more than a year and always helps me. Her dark green side is written in white letters sun shine.
Maybe it was my guardian angel, specially came down to the subway, to change the handle on the shabby ten from my pocket?
All the important things have a history ... is not it?
That was my story and although it is not always happiness is within me, balance, harmony and peace, but in practice, move forward, and all the same thirst for knowledge, wonder and excitement of this world dragged me forward.
Events pleasing me with his staggering results and acquired knowledge.
What do you say at the end of this personal history?
Why it would be desirable to note only that your chances of being cured as in that joke ... :)
What is the probability of finding a dinosaur in the street? 50% to 50% - either meet or do not meet
Whatever it was, but 50 to 50 ... it's a bit more than we promise individual doctor, and only in your power to turn them into a 100% absolute certainty :)