When I came out of the heavy relationship, I am quite a while for them to mentally strongly held. I mean, I knew that nothing will, but I still thought I could fix something.
When the fog of euphoria dissipated, I began to see all the psychological characteristics of another person. I have them always in his heart knew, but like most of us, rest assured that the love is capable of everything that a person can change.
I searched articles dependency on the accentuation of character, the nature of immaturity and manipulation, and so on and so forth. Giving up at the page shows a man: "Ha, look, that's the same! That's what happens! As you so, here and here everything is arranged that way! »
Guess what I got in return? That's right, aggression and "very stupid." What do you want? So, what do you poke your finger man hurts. All special behavior patterns - a psychological protection from the emotional wounds. It developed over the years a strategy of behavior that allow relatively comfortably exist in the world without being whole persons.
Now I can say with certainty that a person can change. A person can really change. But in only one case (read carefully!) - When he wants it
You probably think that you will become the most motivator for whom, for whom, contrary to what your loved one wants to change? Do not flatter yourself. Your influence is not more than the weather outside. To you, perhaps, adapt, take an umbrella in case of bad weather, but to change their beliefs, and even more - the structure of his personality - for Tucek outside ... In you imagine
Now, if the person suddenly stops to arrange that when it rains it is melancholy, and he suffers in the heat ... When he was very tired, that he was deeply unhappy, not succeed, that life is made up not just as you want, or something like that ... Or, what God not joking, in a dream to visit insight, that "sucks I somehow live ..." that's when everything is possible.
But you'll be far away from the epicenter of the explosion ... and you'd better be clear, that is not covered with a blast ... Because to admit that "I myself was the cause of everything in my life" - a very difficult test. Usually, the cause of failure is assigned to someone who was close ... Or close ... yet the man held a long way to understanding, from whom all begins in our lives ... If he wants to go ...
Donald Walsch wrote that "the best thing we can do for a man in love - to give him a large portion of himself." It's not anger, not revenge, not "Look at how you will be without me." This quiet confidence that everyone has the right to be and to be with the confidence that he has. Even the fact that you are temporarily (and it is always temporary) member of a couple, does not give you the right to change the other person.
We are responsible only for themselves. We are born apart from each other and get out on their own. Each of us has his own life and destiny.
Your will only apply to your life. You do not have to build itself from the Lord, thinking that you have the right to influence the fate of another person. Leave alone the other, engage in a.
Psychologists have a principle - not to solve customer problems without prompting. Yes, actually, without prompting, he still did not become a customer.
Therefore, you should follow this golden rule of the universe: it is not necessary to intervene where you do not ask. I stress adult, mentally healthy (and his health not judge you) people are able to deal with their problems or ask for help, if it can not solve them.
Be the creator of your destiny - it's the best thing you can do in life. If someone needs to change with you, it will happen. You will become a motivator by the very fact of its implementation.
If the other person does not attract your way, it does not inspire, then that's great - he obviously has his own way. And you will go near those whose ways are far away from you.
Author: Lily Ahremchik