The site publishes a wonderful text psychologist and coach Lilies Ahremchik over which is seriously porazmyslit.Kogda I left the heavy relationship, I am quite a while for them severely mentally rested. I mean, I knew that nothing will, but I still thought I could fix something.
When the fog cleared euphoria, I began to see all the psychological characteristics of another person. I have them in my heart always knew, but like most of us, rest assured that the love is capable of everything that a person can change.
I was looking for articles on the topic of dependencies on the accentuation of character, the nature of immaturity and manipulation, and so on and so forth. Giving up their own page, shows a man: "For, behold, here are the same! That's what happens! As you so, here and here everything is arranged that way! »
Guess what I get in return? That's right, aggression and "very stupid." What do you want? So, what do you poke your finger a person hurts. All the specific behaviors - a psychological protection from emotional wounds. This behavior strategies developed over the years, which makes it relatively comfortably exist in the world without being whole persons.
Now I can say with certainty that a person can change. The man can really change. But in only one case (read carefully!) - < when he wants it
You probably think that will thus motivator for which, for which, contrary to what your loved one wants to change? Do not flatter yourself. Your influence is not more than the weather outside. To you, perhaps, adapt, take an umbrella in case of bad weather, but to change their beliefs, and even more - the structure of his personality - for Tucek outside ... In Me you?
Now, if the person suddenly stops to arrange that when it rains it wistfully, and he suffers in the heat .... When he was very tired, that he was deeply unhappy, not succeed, that life is made up not just as you want, or something like that ... Or, what God is not joking, in a dream to visit insight, that "sucks I somehow live ..." That's when all possible.
But you'll be far away from the epicenter of the explosion ... and you'd better be clear, that is not covered with a blast ... because to admit that "I was the cause of everything in my life" - a very difficult test. Usually, the reason for failure is assigned to someone who was close ... Or close ... yet that person will go a long way to understanding, from whom all begins in our lives ... If he wants to go ...
Donald Walsch wrote that "the best thing we can do for a man in love - to give him a large portion of yourself." It is not anger or revenge, not "Look at how you might be without me." This quiet confidence that everyone has the right to be and to be so confident, he has. Even the fact that you are temporarily (and it is always temporary) member of a couple does not give you the right to change the other person.
We are only responsible for themselves. We are born apart from each other and get out on their own. Each of us has his own life and destiny.
Your will only applies to your life. You do not have to build itself from the Lord, thinking that you have the right to influence the fate of another person. Leave alone the other, engage themselves.
Psychologists have a principle - not to solve customer problems without prompting. Yes, actually, without prompting, he has not yet become a client. Therefore, you should follow this golden rule of the universe: it is not necessary to intervene where you do not ask. I stress adult mental health (and his health not judge you) people are able to deal with their problems or ask for help if you can not solve them.
Be the creator of your destiny - it's the best thing you can do in life. If someone needs to change with you, it will happen. You will become a motivator for the very fact of its implementation. If the other person does not attract your way, it does not inspire, then that's great - he obviously has his own way. And you will go next to those whose paths lie close to your.