Practical advice from Olesya Novikova about how to negotiate with their fears, start to live and move forward with confidence!
How not to be afraid of? What should I do with my fears? I do not understand, but actually act is actually very scary, what to do? These are the most common questions I hear from people who are in the process of decision-making on key areas of their lives.
With this here:
"The general understanding is, all agree, but inside I am very scared, so I did not move for a month / six months / year" - experienced almost every one of us. Each of us who are committed to a real tangible action, not just reads and thinks. It would be even more correct to note that the fears and serious concerns are not faced only by those who do not do anything beyond their comfort zone. That is, those who do not develop. But for them there is no question.
So you are ready to act and act already, but you are afraid. Fears creep from behind every corner, support a lot of others do not - how to deal with it?
To paraphrase my favorite quote Murakami:
Fear - is inevitable. Afraid or not - personal choice.
And here it is:
Courage - is not the absence of fear, it is the ability to do so that it does not paralyze you.
~ Paulo Coelho
The fear was and will be. Accept it.
Doubts have been and will be. Distrust from relatives for change was and will be. Your problems and the lack of drive life been and will be, until you start to change and consciously create your experience, despite the fact that fear was and will be.
Fear runs only with experience, and even then not until the end.
How to make sure that you are not paralyzed by fear?
To deal with the fear, it is helpful to understand its nature. We are afraid to stick his hand in the fire and it is a normal reaction to a real danger (to burn here and now), but we are also afraid of a very large number of things that are not actual threat to our existence in the moment.
This so-called fear of the mind - the illusory projection, due to our lack at the moment is now.
The constant wandering in the past or unfocused thinking through options for the future leads to inflate fears to such an extent that they do not allow us to budge.
We are afraid:
Meet with a cute stranger.
He refuses. Suddenly, my ego would die without having experienced such shame.
Going to travel independently.
Eaten by cannibals or speak in an unknown tongue to death.
Fly a plane.
Drop. We so often fell on aircraft in their lives, which is very scary to fall again. But the machines properly, even after the real accidents.
Open a business.
It will not work - bankruptcy. After all, we now have all turns out and we - the millionaires. Pity bankrupt, yes.
Go to work.
Unfounded completely irrational fear, which does not even want to comment. Really, if you have already found this job, you will not find again something like that?
Go learn something new.
will not work. It reasoned fear.
Change your life.
And what is even worse. And doing nothing - you're automatically getting younger, richer and prosperous.
Just one question: Why stand still you are not afraid? (Hint: because we are not talking about the real dangers and these fears are not. Therefore, p-e-a-l-L-n-o-grams-of stagnation, we are not afraid, and illusory fantasies avoid like the plague, because in reality we happen less often when indulge thoughts of a similar nature)
None of these fears has no relation to reality, called the current moment, but worse than another - rarely such fears have something in common with our experience. They are also the foundation is illusory, like design, so with them so difficult to deal with, in terms rational arguments and beliefs.
Practical tips or how to negotiate with their fears
Determine in front of you: a real danger or fear from the mind.
The real danger - that is what threatens you here and now, at the moment (it has already lost the money, and not the possibility of losing them). Fears of mind - that is what you project (but what is not in this moment!), Based on the past (the last time I did not get scared now, which again will not work) or the future (you've never tried, but you scary).
With fears of the past is easier to deal with, as they have at least some real basis - previous experience. By the way, such fears beset us much less than the fear of the future.
The strategy for taming fear, hung back in the past:
- Examine exactly what you did last time and what led you to an error (which you are now so fiercely afraid)
- Take this time is different, based on what not to repeat the blunders of their own.
The basic formula of life:
The greatest folly - expect to change, continuing every day to do the same
So, you start every day to do differently.
There is nothing to be afraid of. We should be glad that you do not repeat the past experience and do not stand in place - then everything will change for the better. This process, by the way, are absolutely all business people at first. From the first time who rarely turns.
In this case, the fear dissipates in a process that does not repeat the previous scheme erroneous times. Just do well this time - more than enough to not be afraid and to have happened.
Well, you can of course, after one failure beautiful stranger never with anyone not familiar and die alone. It is possible and after the first failure in business is no longer starting.
Life - is a personal choice, and this is its main advantage.
The most corrosive and vile - it's fear based on the expectation of the future. Their deceit - the full illusory. Your logic is dealing with a non-existent opponent, so it is difficult to soothe themselves healthy discussion and calculations. Any of your examples or examples of your friends - are real, this is an experience that took place to be, and fear of the future or all of what - they in reality have nothing to do.
The strategy to tame the fear of a nonexistent future:
Give a name to this phenomenon. Decide for yourself that this fear comes from the future, which is not and will not be in the way you think right now. When you are aware that it is unfounded fornication mind (without any real justification) - begins to shrink its size and such a fear does not seem so huge and uncontrollable.
Surrender to the most frightening fear and all of it shall be clean. One time, allow yourself to scroll through the most unpleasant scenario: "What if?».
What happens if I fail and I ukachus the bottom?
Begin your ascent again. And what if I never did not make up my mind on this change?
What happens if I am fired, I did not get it - bankrupt?
I go to work seller. And what if I never exercising its idea and worked all his life middle manager?
"You're not, you're not like everyone else ...»
It is necessary to say more than once, besides knowing that before you is not the real danger - and the illusory fear that by this frank conversation, as a rule, quickly runs away whimpering and tail between his legs.
Fears of the future strategy of the tamed. If you have made it clear for yourself: where to go and what to do - go and do so, and the questions (they are the same problem) decide as they arrive at the current moment.
Decide just what you need to solve today - the rest is done according to his plan.
What do you do when in front of you is a real danger that threatens you here and now?
Believe me, it has little to do with the unrest and experiences. As a rule, you either stiffens like a hare, frozen in the middle of the road when a car rushing at him. Or that, thank God, more often, you are completely dipped in time become the most deliberate and act strictly according to the situation - solving it, not thinking.
If you hare in the middle of the road - run to the side. In any. Later you find grass, and then find another hare and will live as normal people (ie rabbits) and is simply run if you move the car right now.
If you hit her husband (and it is a real danger) - no time to think what you will live in a global sense and keep it "look" for years. Determine what the current month to live and run the rest decisive step by step.
The big problem is never solved at once. The strategy is always the same - to eat the cake in pieces. Any very heavy burden is cut into pieces that overpower: eat - digest - the next.
If you were in a helicopter that drops as I've come to be - then you are not scared (by the way, the fear came after - when I looked at the car with broken blades and broke the windshield from the outside, it is the fear of the past). During flashed in front of me just a collection of moments.
I sat in front, on the site of a guide and do not see that we have the window break trees, just felt that flying is not the best - that the movement is on the path down. I looked at 30 pairs of eyes and two hands clutched in front of some kind of passenger and hold until the end of the action.
Since seconds when I wondered, "fall" to the very end - while terribly frightened people at a time, risking every minute to be in a burning helicopter (we spent a full tank) out of "the landed" the machine literally on the edge of the cliff ( by some miracle, we did not drove off - the bottom was rough river) - all this time I always, as far as the voice repeating:
"all is well. all is well. All is well »
In Russian and English, as the group was international.
I did not know where it came from, I did everything on autopilot. It comes out one of the last, after all the passengers with the team. In the fall we strongly tilted forward, even a little traveled and froze his tail. If on-board panic and people started from the back row (and it was a passenger helicopter with rows) Rushed forward queue - we would have rolled into the open.
I stood in the middle of the cabin, and kept repeating loudly that all is well. I do not know what to do - just did. The only time felt fear - read it in the eyes of the mechanic, the ejected from the cockpit and began frantically to open the door to be able to go faster.
I will never forget, as an investigator in the interrogation pointedly commented on sitting opposite him 17-year-old girl:
- And then you fly?
- Yes, I fly to left fear flight of a lifetime.
- Clear. I do not understand how your machine is not lit up. You struck just filled the gas tank. The idea is that the explosion was to be seen in your house, for 200 kilometers.
The investigator was to m *** suffering illusory fears and in addition trying to shift them to the girl. He would have been more pleasant and easier to hear that I never sit in the chopper.
Fortunately, even this did not help me to find fear of flying, which would have a real justification. I just clearly decided for myself that I travel a lot and fly around the world, and this makes sense to take airplanes and helicopters as a means of transportation.
I travel a lot and a lot of flying. Fly like airports, duty-free, aviasosedi, but any chance at landing I glimpsed the excitement - I deliberately do not give it to grow. I have my own mantra / affirmation / phrase (somehow), I repeat the entire period of landing. I repeat without fear or trembling, just helping the captain to land the plane his intention. No more than that.
I'd rather be good to repeat than to bathe in fear. I am for the purity of his own thoughts, and I do not mind the fact that it (purity) should always direct.
Returning to the subject of practical advice:
If a fear exasperates you regularly specify their inspirational phrase and repeat every time he will emerge. Do not stand on ceremony with fears - which effectively impose on them a healing elixir of healthy words than poking around with no end in reason, which is likely not even exist.
We make your experience at the level of words and ideas, so it is useful to have a first aid kit in their arsenal such verbal billets-doctors to apply every time will pop up something painful parallel heal the causes of their suffering - step by step, making conscious changes in their lives.
Anything so does not heal from any worries and doubts as intensive focused action to meet the goals that inspire you.
All the courage and move forward - then fears will not be a hindrance.