Stir in Los Angeles

In 1982, Larry Walters, retired from Los Angeles decided to carry out long-held dream - to fly, but not on the plane. He invented his own way to travel by air. Walters tied to a comfortable chair and forty-five meteorological balloons filled with helium, each of which had a meter in diameter. He sat down in a chair, taking stock of sandwiches, beer and a shotgun. On cue, his friends untied the rope, hold the chair. Larry Walters was going smoothly up only thirty meters, but the chair as a gun, took off for five kilometers.

Neighbors are discussing. Whether to call 911? Why? The man departed. Flying is not prohibited. The law is not violated. There was no violence. America - a free country. Want to fly - and fly to hell!

... Four hours later near the airport manager heard the report of a pilot with the setting of the liner:

 - Oh, you guys know that you have here in the boarding echelon some mu ** to fly on a garden chair?

 - What's that? - Asks the dispatcher, hallucinating from exhaustion.

 - Flies, I say. Clung to his chair. Still, the airport, I thought, who knows what ...

 - Commander, - to yield metal manager - you have a problem?

 - I have? No, everything is fine.

 - You do not want to transfer the management of the co-pilot?

 - Why? - Astonished commander. - You do not understand.

 - Bort 1419 report to the dispatcher again!

 - I said that you have a boarding tier mu ** to fly on a garden chair. I do not interfere. But the wind, you know ...

Manager loud cut in translation. The older shifts square eyes. In the beginning the band howling rush firefighters and ambulance. The band is cleared, traffic suspended: an emergency. Airliner sits in the normal mode. Run up the ladder febeerovets and psychiatrist.

Report with the following board:

 - Yes, what else x * ene here you have a goat on balloons blocking the way., You generally watch over the air?

In the control room silent panic. Unknown psychotropic gas over the airport.

 - Easy, captain. And besides you, it's someone sees?

 - Do I have to give up the helm and go to the salon to interview passengers who are blind?

 - Why do you think that they can go blind? What other symptoms of the disorder can you name?

 - Earth, I can not believe I just said that this gadsky bird on the ropes working air rejectors. A disorder I can call to work with your airport.

Manager shakes his head and poured her a glass of water and mixing up his hands, cup of coffee, he lost self-control.

A third plane:

 - Yes, and I want to share with you the observation, gentlemen, what is surprising is absurd and lonely looks at this height a man without an airplane.

 - Are you in any sense ?? !!!

 - A. And literally and philosophically ... and aerodynamic.

In the control room smells cool April fools pranks, but the calendar does not confirm the date. The fourth board coldly polite:

 - Earth, report that just some guy almost got me in the left engine, threatening emergency. Do not want to pollute air during landing. Upon completion of the flight shall prepare a written report.

Manager looks airspace eyes gorgon Medusa, killing everything that moves.

 - ... And tell the students that if these idiots will celebrate Halloween next to the landing glide path, it is no good end! - Requests the next.

 - How many of them?

 - How should I know?

 - Easy, overboard. Report back in order. What do you see?

 - See the runway well.

 - To hell with the band!

 - Do not you understand? I mean?

 - Keep fit !!!

 - What did I do? Earth, you have everything in order?

 - Announce - you see an unidentified flying object?

 - And what is there not to recognize something? It is even identified.

 - What is it?

 - Man.

 - Is he superyog some that fly there?

 - How should I know who he is.

 - So Much. In order. C D E you see it?

 - Do w e do not see.

 - Why?

 - Because it flew away.


 - Ya

 - Where?

 - Earth, you crazy? You turn on the brain? I come to you on the landing!

 - A man where?

 - Which?

 - Which flies !!!

 - Is that ... you run it? And at x * ene? I do not understand!

 - He was?

 - Flying man? Yes !!!

 - Sure was? What am I, crazy?

 - And now?

 - I have no time for them to follow! How do I know where he is! Unleash God knows whom to boarding the train and still need to watch them! I do not care where he is hanging out!

 - Easy, captain. You can describe it?

 - Mu ** k on a garden chair!

 - And why does he fly?

 - And because he mu ** k! Here are caught and ask why he aphids, flies!

 - What is it in the air holding something? - Toiling in despair dispatcher. - What etitskaya power? What aerial vehicles ??? He can not fly on a chair !!!

 - Since his balls tied to a chair.

The following is an untranslatable play on words, since the controller realized that balloonist eggs tied to a chair, and requires him to explain the reason for the lift of s * * omaz Hizma.

 - Its that the Lord in the air keeps the balls or something ?!

 - Sir, I stick to the traditional s * ualnoy orientation, and do not quite understand, sir, - politically correct answers overboard. - He's tied to a chair balloons, sir. Apparently, they are inflated with light gas.

 - Where did he get the balls?

 - That you let me?

 - Excuse me, Captain. We just want to check. You can describe it?

 - Oh, man. Youngish man. In shorts and a shirt.

 - So Much. He black or white?

 - It is blue.

 - Captain? What do you mean - blue? ..

 - Do you know what the temperature overboard here? Try it yourself to fly without an airplane.

This radio is in the madhouse is the rhythm of rap. Air traffic intensity. Manager asks tablet from schizophrenia. Migratory flights address on the back airports. Departures delayed.

... On the radar - nothing! Man is small and non-ferrous, small balls and rubber.

Associated with the base. Explain and swear: the doctor confirms the tube.

Pick up fighter.

... Our balloonist in the abyss of hell, prostrate with terror, okolevshy and leathery, convulsive breathing rarefied air ice, dying eye passes beside the roaring on reducing liners. He slips and smerzsya together with his tiny little chair, it shakes and drags, and consciousness zakuklilos.

Another roar louder and rolled out a number - a hundred meters flying fighter. Head of the pilot in a large lantern with curiosity turns to his side. Away fighter lays reversal, and on the return flight of the pilot turns his finger to his temple.

That our former student pilot can not tolerate, the visual center in the frozen brain commands the injection of adrenaline, the heart pushes blood - and it shows the pilot middle finger.

 - Live - disapproving reports on fighter base.

Well. Pick up a police helicopter.

And Evening ... It gets dark! Colder. And the evening breeze, under the laws of meteorology, the balls slowly takes down to the sea. He drifts already on shore.

From helicopter yelling and waving! The noise, of course, can not hear anything. Top trying to pick up his hook on a rope, but a powerful jet from the propeller blows balls aside, armchair vraskachku hangs, as it were, fell out! ..

And rescue operation is completed by its own recipe that something insulting ... Helicopter returns with a sniper blinds with a hundred meters searchlight, and the sniper shoots the upper probe. And the second. Looking doubtfully ... Reduced?

Downstairs has all hang coastal boats. Freestyle audience to enjoy the spectacle of arbitrary floating facilities and prevents the Coast Guard. Head battened down, and someone has already fallen into the water.

The third ball burst with a bang, and a decrease in bunches made manifest.

On the fifth shot through our guy with the ball smacking flops and splashes in the waves.

But the rope on which hung deflated balloons entangled in high-voltage wires, causing a short circuit. The whole area of ​​Long Beach left without electricity.

Lights shine whiter surf, boat race! Vytralivayut it out of the water and begin to tear off the chair.

The doctor feels the pulse in the neck, looking in the eye, nose pokes in ammonia, tunic with glucose and caffeine relaxants into a vein. Once the doctor turns affected poured whiskey down his throat, rubbed his ears, hit in the face ... and only then by four sailors and unravel the payload fingers legs twisted screw around chair legs.

Under torture, he began to recover, in the sense of massage. Independently chattering teeth. Smiles when in stone from muscle spasms they drive pins. And finally utters the first swearword. That is, life is getting better.

And when they are reloaded on the waterfront in the "fast", and press the flash dazzle the crowd, sneaky correspondent manages to stick a microphone between nurses and shout:

 - Tell me, why did you do it all done?

He replied: "Well, not all the time to sit around !!!!".


See also

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