Several years ago I worked screenwriter training courses. One morning, the chief met me with a face, "we need to talk».
He asked me to talk with a visiting psychologist. "Thank you, that is not a psychiatrist," I thought. It turned out he had hired a psychologist who "helps to overcome barriers of communication in a team." Eyewash, psychologist talked to all the employees, although they have only seen the problem in me.
I declined the tempting offer and happily forgot about it. But next week, I met again with the psychologist. At first she sat on the couch and looked at the catalogs. And then sat down close to the sea, "I'm here if you need help." After some time, it has bothered me and I said that I think about it.
Presented this scene? Yes, just like in the movies about not quite normal people.
Already after I was asked to leave, one of his former colleagues told me that the people I was not that afraid, but they did not know what was on my mind. I have no one to discuss anything but work, socializing with colleagues often boiled down to "good morning" and "yet" if there was no working occasions.
And this at a time when the chief of all the forces created "an atmosphere of ease": all (except me) were photographed for the enforcement of positive posts in the corporate blog, went on nature (without me) and discussed movies. In these discussions, I felt like the lesson of literature with an analysis of the poems Tyutchev.
I just did not need this, I was interested to work, not socialize. And by the way, in addition to his work, I was doing so much more to optimize processes and the like - it was a start, so much had to be done from scratch, I was in it and draws. So, while all discussed another film that just looked at the office, I worked.
But even the initiative did not save me from dismissal.
I think today, I can understand the boss. I put myself in his place: "this dude some strange. He kind of does everything that he was entrusted and even more. Do not be lazy, though all comes later. Quite the contrary, he works hard suspiciously. And all the while silent ... Do not participate in community life. Hell, he did not even photographed blog never! He's hiding something?
Then I did not know how to behave. Today, after I fell in love with the talks and learned a stack of books on introversion, including the one you are already discussing
, I know what to do and what to say. "- the story ends.
Disclaimer I: To prevent non-constructive debate - I understand that the "clean" extroverts and introverts a little, but they are there, and precedent - a good reason to investigate. Also, do not necessarily have to be a pure introvert to feel the charm of all the world do not caulk for a second. I>
To begin with, let us consider what introverts are not. Of course, theses do not claim to be scientific, and can provoke accusations of populism, but nevertheless. B> 7 myths about introverts:
№1 Introverts do not like to say
This is not true. Introverts do not like to chat. They will remain silent until then, until they have something to say. Guff their exhausts. But try to talk to the introvert that he is interested in, and you will be hard to stop him.
№2 Introverts are shy
Shyness is not associated with introversion. Introverts are not afraid of people, but they need a good reason to interact. They are unlikely to support someone contact only out of politeness or for reasons of mutual "friendship».
№3 Introverts are rude and do not like people
No, they do not see the point of social conventions and exchange pleasantries false. They want everything to be fair. Unfortunately, the world is not so. Behave insincerely - for them a lot of stress, which they prefer to avoid.
№4 Introverts do not like to be on the people
It is not. Introverts do not like long with humans. They need less time to gather information and experiences, and much more for their treatment. And if you think it sounds too utilitarian, then, yes, that's right - they hate aimless pastime on a scale of one day, or a lifetime.
№5 Introverts strange
Most often they are individualists. They are little affected herd instinct, guided by their inner conviction. They think independently, so their opinions are often at odds with the public. From the side of this behavior may seem eccentric, extravagant or even outrageous. But shocking contradicts the very definition of introversion, so outrageous introverts do not happen. Except, maybe, Marilyn Manson.
№6 Introverts closed nerds
They may seem self-absorbed, but that does not mean that they do not notice what is happening around. Once just the opposite - the same sensitive sensors work incessantly. Another thing, not all of what is happening around, they consider worthy of their attention.
№7 Introverts can stop this nonsense and behave normally
No. Require them to socialization - is like getting a turtle live without its shell.
Science, bitch h4> Disclaimer II: I understand that life is not a binary at its core, and much more diverse. No, I do not propose to divide the world in two. No, I'm not saying that "in the world there are two types of people». I>
Well, let's move on to the categories verifiable.
In cognitive neuroscience, the term "temperament" does not have a universal interpretation. Often it is described as "a typical way to respond to external stimuli." These reactions are stable, permanent, and can be observed soon after birth, and therefore it is assumed that they are caused by genetically.
In this person, is not a constant and is influenced parenting, environment, and cultural factors. Temperament directly affect personality, temperament is defined as genetically.
Of course, these definitions and theories are disputed to this day, but the first who approached the question empirically, was Professor Jerome Kagan, a pioneer in the field of psychology. Prior to his studies, all theories are based only on the opinions.
We will not bore you with a description of the experiments, the curious can look here .
During the experiments, which is attended by five hundred four-month infants Kagan group identified two types of behavior - the behavior of the low reactivity in which infants respond poorly to stimuli and highly reactive, in which the reaction was clear and continuous.
As the name would suggest that in the future will become extroverts babies who bumped into tears at the sight of a woman in a gas mask. But everything is exactly the opposite - the research is still going on, and their results give reason to believe - because of highly reactive infants grow introverted personality.
Simultaneously with the observations, we measured the physiological parameters, the results of which gave reason to believe that babies are highly reactive, ie budschie introverted personality, are more sensitive миндалевидным body .
Thus, people tend to introversion, get much more signal processing they require more attention, time and energy than extroverts. That is why introverts spend more time thinking than words. And, unfortunately, the actions.
Noise h4> In 2001, the Institute of Public Health of Belgrade held a исследование. 123 students (43 men and 80 women) were asked to perform arithmetic operations in the mind, in quiet and noisy laboratory. Predisposition test to a particular type of temperament was determined by Eysenck personality questionnaire.
Subjects were evaluated problems with concentration, the level of fatigue and irritation caused by noise on a 10-point scale.
The group consisted of extroverts copes with the task much faster, while in noisy environments. Introverts, in contrast, had trouble concentrating, fatigue and irritation in the same conditions.
Correlation analysis revealed a high inverse relationship extroversion of the noise level.
Strategy h4> Now, when we found out that introversion is an innate quality that can interfere with a successful career in the world of extroverts that we can do about this?
An excerpt from the book about introverts:
«Of course, we allow all gifted eccentric loner, created the company in a garage, to show their identity as they please, but it is rather an exception to the rule - our tolerance applies generally to those who succeed fabulously rich, or at at least for those who submit to this hope. » i>
Introverts are often perceived as singles and people who "do not want to play in the team," but it's not so simple. If you force an introvert to "play as a team," he will spend more energy trying to "fit" into the team than something to "play". And it's not a fad and not a disadvantage, although from the point of view of the corporate world it is so.
So what to do, a man who hates the empty chatter about yesterday's series "Game of Thrones" or a new model iphone?
Unfortunately, here is the rule of the majority - if you're in England, you have to drive on the left side of the road, no matter how independent-minded, you may possess.
Thus, the only way - to learn to work on their "weak" side and adapted their life cycle to the world of extroverts.
What does this mean in practice? H4> No matter how much you agree with the concept of polar temperaments, from this study shows that the introverts can significantly improve their performance if they work in a controlled noise. For extroverts, obviously, the opposite is true. If you are an extrovert, you are to be congratulated. Introverts are less fortunate, it is unlikely someone will create for them the special conditions at work. What to do in this case?
Of course, the most obvious solution to the problem of noisy workplace - work from home. But, firstly, many introverts know this and so. And secondly, of course, this is not always possible. Therefore, the only solution would be to create "islands of security».
Our country is still far from the offices of Google with their капсулами recharging , but most likely in your company, there are places where you will be able from time to time to be alone with him, such as meeting rooms. Although, this is still a temporary solution, and if you're not the only introvert in your company, probably it is time to discuss the matter with his superiors. Good bosses are well able to count money, and you will have no problems with the аргументами in favor of the rational organization of recreation.
Just do not call their places of rest, most likely, the authorities will not be thrilled with this term.
Here's мнение Jason Friedman, founder 37signals about why people prefer to work from home:
"This is especially true creative professionals - designers, programmers, engineers, thinkers. To do the job, they just need longer periods of time when no one will bother them. You can not ask someone to switch to creative thinking for 15 minutes and think about the problem. Yes, the idea may be fast, but usually, to really think about the problem, you need to dive into it, and for that, you need time, a lot of time when no one will disturb you.
And, although a typical working day is eight hours, how many people can afford to be alone with your thoughts eight o'clock? A seven? A six? Maybe, at least four or five?
When was the last time you were left alone for four hours while you were in office? And two? Or maybe one? Very, very few people can afford to dive into the problem for a few hours at the office. And that is why people prefer to work at home or if they are working in the office - come early in the morning, yet no one, or vice versa, linger late, when everyone was gone. Or work on the weekends, or on the plane or in the car or even on the subway, because there is no they will not interfere. »
And yet here we are not talking about introverts. Imagine how imperative it is for them. Indeed, in their case, the equation is added a few more elements - social interaction, the need to play a role and others.
Guy Kawasaki: "You may be hard to believe, but I'm an introvert. I have to play a "role", but I'm a loner by nature. » I>
Knowing who is Guy Kawasaki, it's really difficult to believe. But this is not the only example, when a person who has devoted life to bring people and their efforts is "closed».
Craig Newmark, founder of Craigslist tells about the problems in communication and that helped him to cope with them.
In 2002, Bar-Ilan University, was held study , which found that, first, on the Internet to communicate more freely than introverts extraverts. And secondly, introverts are more open to communicate over the Internet than in" real life ". < br />
This is probably due to the fact that communication via the Internet eliminates the need to respect the social rituals, as well as the stress associated with the estimation.
«Neither cable nor anyone» h4> The first step in solving the problem - to formulate it. Perhaps you do not look at it as a problem. Still, after all we are talking about temperament, what is this problem?
I thought so too, until there was not with me the story of the beginning of the article. And then another and another. In the end, until I did realized that there is a problem and the problem is in me.
No matter how well you can handle the job, if you can not talk about it, it is desirable as well.
When I realized that I was more comfortable to work from home, that is, in a controlled environment, I hired a better agent could find. When I watched how he "sells" to complete strangers, he seemed to me Superman.
But after working with him for a while, I realized that it does not matter what to sell and he does not understand what I do. And not seek to understand. As a result, he was going to make such concessions and accept such conditions that drove the value of transactions to almost zero. I do not know how to explain to him that it's not the prices and not to benefit.
So I had three choices: to try again to find another agent, or to learn how to talk to people.
I decided that in 27 years it is time to be independent, and took the first step - enrolled in the negotiations. It is hard to imagine a more inappropriate place for an introvert than a course in communication with customers.
It is important to note, I do not think Dale Carnegie enviable achievement. Of course, because they directly contradict my introverted nature. But at the mention of the book "How to make friends and influence people", I involuntarily clenched fists.
But, it turned out, not all of the negotiations based on lies, compromise and manipulation. On the contrary, there are , who criticize such methods.
Search minded h4> Of course, the introvert can not "remake itself" and become sociable extrovert, no matter how he tried. Anyway, I do not know of such examples. But he will have to "learn to drive on the right side of the road," and the sooner he will accept it, the better for him and his career.
We already wrote about the benefits of leaving the comfort zone, and to enroll in the negotiations, a great example of this practice, but is not necessarily to be the particular courses. You can start with small goals.
Internet - the ideal environment for cooperation introverts, and services like SmartProgress simplify the process of finding like-minded people.
You have a lot of ideas, but you are afraid that did not do it alone? Create a goal, there describe the essence of the project and enable the status «'m ». Write about your achievements, you will notice, will notice. My friend precisely because SmartProgress found a business partner. Just wrote about his steps and future partner saw the detailed and thoughtful posts that have laid down their impressions of him pedantic person. And it all came together. It is not presented its business to investors, not looking for partners to specialized resources, but simply went to his goal and his dedication notice.
Introverts tend to be difficult to even begin to look for like-minded people. Because they do not know how to present yourself and your project. Or they have decided in advance that their ideas will not be interesting to anyone - they all count in the master's mind. Or they are afraid that someone will say that this "crazy idea" and confirm their fears.