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Marriage with disabilities: an endless socialization
History Oli and Leschi seemed banal and, in my opinion, was to end quickly. She - Belarusian girl schoolgirl with a diagnosis of "cerebral palsy" big problems with movement and a fair share of youth extremism. He - an interesting conversationalist, with a good sense of humor, a young man who lived thousands of miles from our country, as much in sunny Odessa. But contrary to my expectations, their online dating lasted several years and ended with the wedding.
- But you could fall in love with a girl with disabilities? Meet, marry her? - I asked one of his friend, with whom she loved to talk frankly about life.
11 photos, text Anna Yashin.
- Difficult question. Strollers, crutches - all this unnecessary problems ... Elementary go for a walk is hard enough. I do not know ... You need to hook. Strongly hooked ... - he said.
His answer seemed to me then it is very honest. And since then, it became even more interesting, so that "catchy" ordinary young guys to consciously "asking for trouble" and choose girls that are considered non-competitive, at least at first sight? What do we expect from such a marriage?
Today I will try to ask about it ...
Lesha
- Tell us about the beginning of your relationship. Who took the initiative in their hands?
- It is difficult to say who was the initiator, although I rather than her. (Note. Author: By the way, responding to the same question, Olga admitted in reverse). Because at that moment I was freestyle bird quite a long time, and as they say, is already beginning to miss the women's attention. So for this chance and I clung strongly insisted on continuing the dialogue, although later it became clear she used me for their own selfish purposes. Well, okay, this is history. The fact that Olga was a girl with disabilities, at first, of course, confused, but then somehow got used. We were at a distance, the actual meetings was not there, and the physical condition is not particularly affect the chatter on ICQ or Skype. Perhaps even better is that we have not met so much time in the real world, it allowed me to get used to it and did not notice those features that it has.
- And at what point did you realize that Olga likes you as a girl?
- I do not remember at what point, but like when I began to perceive it as a healthy person, not as a disabled person. How much time has passed, I can not say a clear time frame is difficult to isolate me, because this is life, and such things come quickly.
- And what is your wife is different from the others? For that you liked? What qualities do you think it most valuable?
- Olya hooked me with his eyes ... Though my eyes a little heap (smiles) but they have something ... Eyes - mirror of the soul. And in those eyes, I saw something that, unfortunately, I see very little in the eyes of others - a sincerity, purity and femininity. By itself, the person I am, what my ideal woman, first of all, to be a woman in every sense of the word, and then all the rest! Now, however, she left it a bit, with whom povedeshsya on and rack. But anyway, that spark still burns for her and that I love (smiles again).
Generally, a person is on a life very difficult, and sometimes the tail twists, but happy one: she is aware of this and is trying to improve.
- I'm sure they can. But it all depends on the person of what in his mind cockroaches. One like blondes, brunettes other. So here, a matter of taste of each person. There are of course moments that are difficult to jump if a person looks very strongly crumpled, plus a full pipe with the psyche - then, as a rule, no options. Although, who knows, maybe they are. For example, I noticed that girls with cerebral palsy is very, very attractive shape. And not every health can boast such. So here I am - a good, as they say, an example.
- How long will you go to the decision to get married? Were there concerns? Which of them are justified?
- The solution of this came two years. There were some reasons: school, college, well, plus some of my doubts. To be honest, it was a bit scary. What awaits the next, I was well aware of, so to gain time, to see how the situation will develop. I knew what I was going and what I have to face. This everyday problems, issues related to the future of our children, difficulties with her future employment, and of some personal quality of Olga. The choice was very difficult. But sooner or later you had to take a decision: either break our relationship or marriage. The first option would seem to be difficult for me and for her. Although not especially for it. That's why I chose the second scenario, ie asked her to marry me.
It is a pity that in the time of our marriage, nothing really has changed, although on some issues would love to see the changes. I hope that this matter of time, and soon everything will fall into place ...
- How to react to your choice of friends, parents? Are you worried their reaction and opinion on this matter?
- Parents have enough smart people. Reacted with a "squeak", but acceptable. Say this: your life - live and do as you wish. Friends reacted with understanding. Very negative I have not heard from them, although not seen applause. In short, in private life, they do not climb, the relationship with me do not spoil, but for me this is important!
(Approx. Author: Interestingly, on a walk with Olga basically goes Leshina mom. And her all the time you need to drive the hand to see to it that not tripped or fell. Here's your mother in law ...)
I do not care about the opinions of others. This is my life, I built it myself, and not friends or others. Yes, there were times when people twisted his finger to his temple. Others, conversely, genuinely admired this act, saying "man." But I do not care.
- And what's inside your life? How you distribute household responsibilities?
- When met, as expected, Olga L. in terms of domestic skills was "complete zero." But the joint efforts of me and sticks, slowly began to achieve some results. To date, there are changes, and, I believe, quite good, but still needs work. (Approx.'s: Hmm ... nerdy husband-who walks behind you with a stick, giving assignments and monitors the quality of their performance. It's definitely something new.) The fact that the forces making itself, the rest I helped her, plus trying to do so, that it has become her strength. Now Olga completely responsible for our room with her, for her condition, procedure, etc., trying to cook, there is still over trifles. (Note of the author: in response to the same question, Olga said that once self cleaned the room as much as six hours). Naturally, much given to fight, but he did not blame her physical condition, and the usual laziness and his views on some things.
- Tell me how you usually relax? Likely, you have to adapt to the opportunities Olina?
- Different. Often, and home stays, the film looks, play games any. Sometimes sees in the movies, the cafes, the nature often leave. It is difficult at times to the city or somewhere else to go, very often lose time because of Olga's walking tempo, but still tolerable. There was a case: went for a walk in the park, and park on a large area, many had to walk. Five hours of walking, so yes income she wiped their shoes, had 3 km to bear arms. (Note of the author: Despite its problems with movement, Olga categorically refuses to use a stroller, or other hodilka invented for convenience means. His decision she explains that gets used to "support" and will never learn to walk by herself. As thus feel people accompanying her, we can only guess.)
Annoying when the wife begins to be lazy. Come on, let's say, somewhere, and she stumbles and falls on level ground. Very rarely listen. Saying that it is not necessary to do so, it is still doing to spite. (Approx.'s: Yeah, he would have known that such things are often not amenable to any control!) And so I'm not a nervous person and get me pretty hard.
- And finally. How do you think, why marriages like yours is still a rarity in our society?
- Much as I believe, and most importantly depends on the disabled themselves. On how they themselves provide to society. After all, this is not usually the disabled, and the exception. Often the person with disabilities behaves so that his or pity, or even ashamed of him. I understand that some things are beyond their capabilities, but you should try to do so, to make it easier to understand and respect each other. And in general, it's a normal marriage, like millions of others, with their joys and sorrows ...
P.S.
Surely there are people ready to blame me too pessimistic for the selected article title. But in it I recognized a purely personal feelings that remain after talking with the guys. Too often Olya insisted that should not miss this chance to her husband, while Alex talked about the relentless adaptation and integration. We wish our heroes love and understanding, because how will continue to develop their relationship, depends only on themselves.
Source: http: //
- But you could fall in love with a girl with disabilities? Meet, marry her? - I asked one of his friend, with whom she loved to talk frankly about life.
11 photos, text Anna Yashin.
- Difficult question. Strollers, crutches - all this unnecessary problems ... Elementary go for a walk is hard enough. I do not know ... You need to hook. Strongly hooked ... - he said.
His answer seemed to me then it is very honest. And since then, it became even more interesting, so that "catchy" ordinary young guys to consciously "asking for trouble" and choose girls that are considered non-competitive, at least at first sight? What do we expect from such a marriage?
Today I will try to ask about it ...
Lesha
- Tell us about the beginning of your relationship. Who took the initiative in their hands?
- It is difficult to say who was the initiator, although I rather than her. (Note. Author: By the way, responding to the same question, Olga admitted in reverse). Because at that moment I was freestyle bird quite a long time, and as they say, is already beginning to miss the women's attention. So for this chance and I clung strongly insisted on continuing the dialogue, although later it became clear she used me for their own selfish purposes. Well, okay, this is history. The fact that Olga was a girl with disabilities, at first, of course, confused, but then somehow got used. We were at a distance, the actual meetings was not there, and the physical condition is not particularly affect the chatter on ICQ or Skype. Perhaps even better is that we have not met so much time in the real world, it allowed me to get used to it and did not notice those features that it has.
- And at what point did you realize that Olga likes you as a girl?
- I do not remember at what point, but like when I began to perceive it as a healthy person, not as a disabled person. How much time has passed, I can not say a clear time frame is difficult to isolate me, because this is life, and such things come quickly.
- And what is your wife is different from the others? For that you liked? What qualities do you think it most valuable?
- Olya hooked me with his eyes ... Though my eyes a little heap (smiles) but they have something ... Eyes - mirror of the soul. And in those eyes, I saw something that, unfortunately, I see very little in the eyes of others - a sincerity, purity and femininity. By itself, the person I am, what my ideal woman, first of all, to be a woman in every sense of the word, and then all the rest! Now, however, she left it a bit, with whom povedeshsya on and rack. But anyway, that spark still burns for her and that I love (smiles again).
Generally, a person is on a life very difficult, and sometimes the tail twists, but happy one: she is aware of this and is trying to improve.
- I'm sure they can. But it all depends on the person of what in his mind cockroaches. One like blondes, brunettes other. So here, a matter of taste of each person. There are of course moments that are difficult to jump if a person looks very strongly crumpled, plus a full pipe with the psyche - then, as a rule, no options. Although, who knows, maybe they are. For example, I noticed that girls with cerebral palsy is very, very attractive shape. And not every health can boast such. So here I am - a good, as they say, an example.
- How long will you go to the decision to get married? Were there concerns? Which of them are justified?
- The solution of this came two years. There were some reasons: school, college, well, plus some of my doubts. To be honest, it was a bit scary. What awaits the next, I was well aware of, so to gain time, to see how the situation will develop. I knew what I was going and what I have to face. This everyday problems, issues related to the future of our children, difficulties with her future employment, and of some personal quality of Olga. The choice was very difficult. But sooner or later you had to take a decision: either break our relationship or marriage. The first option would seem to be difficult for me and for her. Although not especially for it. That's why I chose the second scenario, ie asked her to marry me.
It is a pity that in the time of our marriage, nothing really has changed, although on some issues would love to see the changes. I hope that this matter of time, and soon everything will fall into place ...
- How to react to your choice of friends, parents? Are you worried their reaction and opinion on this matter?
- Parents have enough smart people. Reacted with a "squeak", but acceptable. Say this: your life - live and do as you wish. Friends reacted with understanding. Very negative I have not heard from them, although not seen applause. In short, in private life, they do not climb, the relationship with me do not spoil, but for me this is important!
(Approx. Author: Interestingly, on a walk with Olga basically goes Leshina mom. And her all the time you need to drive the hand to see to it that not tripped or fell. Here's your mother in law ...)
I do not care about the opinions of others. This is my life, I built it myself, and not friends or others. Yes, there were times when people twisted his finger to his temple. Others, conversely, genuinely admired this act, saying "man." But I do not care.
- And what's inside your life? How you distribute household responsibilities?
- When met, as expected, Olga L. in terms of domestic skills was "complete zero." But the joint efforts of me and sticks, slowly began to achieve some results. To date, there are changes, and, I believe, quite good, but still needs work. (Approx.'s: Hmm ... nerdy husband-who walks behind you with a stick, giving assignments and monitors the quality of their performance. It's definitely something new.) The fact that the forces making itself, the rest I helped her, plus trying to do so, that it has become her strength. Now Olga completely responsible for our room with her, for her condition, procedure, etc., trying to cook, there is still over trifles. (Note of the author: in response to the same question, Olga said that once self cleaned the room as much as six hours). Naturally, much given to fight, but he did not blame her physical condition, and the usual laziness and his views on some things.
- Tell me how you usually relax? Likely, you have to adapt to the opportunities Olina?
- Different. Often, and home stays, the film looks, play games any. Sometimes sees in the movies, the cafes, the nature often leave. It is difficult at times to the city or somewhere else to go, very often lose time because of Olga's walking tempo, but still tolerable. There was a case: went for a walk in the park, and park on a large area, many had to walk. Five hours of walking, so yes income she wiped their shoes, had 3 km to bear arms. (Note of the author: Despite its problems with movement, Olga categorically refuses to use a stroller, or other hodilka invented for convenience means. His decision she explains that gets used to "support" and will never learn to walk by herself. As thus feel people accompanying her, we can only guess.)
Annoying when the wife begins to be lazy. Come on, let's say, somewhere, and she stumbles and falls on level ground. Very rarely listen. Saying that it is not necessary to do so, it is still doing to spite. (Approx.'s: Yeah, he would have known that such things are often not amenable to any control!) And so I'm not a nervous person and get me pretty hard.
- And finally. How do you think, why marriages like yours is still a rarity in our society?
- Much as I believe, and most importantly depends on the disabled themselves. On how they themselves provide to society. After all, this is not usually the disabled, and the exception. Often the person with disabilities behaves so that his or pity, or even ashamed of him. I understand that some things are beyond their capabilities, but you should try to do so, to make it easier to understand and respect each other. And in general, it's a normal marriage, like millions of others, with their joys and sorrows ...
P.S.
Surely there are people ready to blame me too pessimistic for the selected article title. But in it I recognized a purely personal feelings that remain after talking with the guys. Too often Olya insisted that should not miss this chance to her husband, while Alex talked about the relentless adaptation and integration. We wish our heroes love and understanding, because how will continue to develop their relationship, depends only on themselves.
Source: http: //