Jokes Monday

The officer came home from the office. Dinner, lay down on the couch and says to his wife:
 - Bring me the newspaper.
 - A magic word?
 - Run !!!

Night. Silence. Cemetery. At the far end of the cemetery is a lodge where the caretaker lives. On the door of the lodge inscription - "Living Area».

By popular demand in the Russian localization of the new version will Rhotoshor button - "Make bitching» ...

 - Serge! Where are you? We poured vodka.
 - Run! Run!
 - Do not run, I'm telling you - spilled rather than poured.

 - Maybe futbolchik play?
 - We do not know how to play football.
 - If you have played football only people who know how to play it, there would be no Russian national football team ...

The boy goes on a dinner for dating women. His parents are instructed:
 - You have to ask her three questions: The first question - Gourmet, the second - about the family, and the third - philosophical. At dinner the young man begins to talk:
 - Do you like pasta?
 - No.
 - And your brother loves pasta?
 - I do not have a brother.
 - And if you had a brother, he would have loved the pasta? ..

I walk a guy with a girl. Past sweeps a man on a horse:
 - H-n-well, let's stray!
She turns to the guy:
 - I asked you, do not tell anyone ...

(based on the famous advertising once)
He and she in the restaurant. Two waiter service table. She:
 - Tell me, do you have "Mokkona"?
First the waiter:
 - Mokkona? Of course, we have "Mokkona" ... That is to say, was "Mokkona," but, unfortunately, ended.
 - Ahh ... "Mokkona" I've got a house ...
He and she are going and going. The second waiter:
 - Listen, Che is "Mokkona"?
The first waiter (looking after):
 - I do not know, but it is the fifth woman, whom he takes to his home ...

There is a game "What? Where? When? ", The team plays Alexei Blinov ...
Spins the dreidel, and the issue went to Alexander friends.
Dealer: - Mr. friends, imagine that you were in the sweltering Sahara desert, and your colleague in Blinov member spotted a snake bite. What will you do?
It takes a minute discussion, friends, gives the answer: - In this situation it is necessary to remove the poison from the wound.
Dealer: - This is an incomplete answer, please verify ...
Friends hesitating: - Well, you suck the venom out of the wound.
Dealer: - Mr. friends, give me a complete and correct answer !!!
Friends, blushing: - In this situation it is necessary to suck the venom out of the penis Mr. Blinov.
Dealer: - Your answer is clear ... And now hear the correct answer:
Firstly, spotted snake bites never above the knee, and if Mr. Blinov member below the knee, then he will be able to suck it!


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