TWO =)

New Russian is sitting in a nice restaurant, drinking champagne. At the next table sits an intelligent-looking man and says to the waiter:
 - Me, please, a glass of Bordeaux 1956 harvest and Spanish chicken with a crispy crust ...
 The waiter brings a bottle, uncorks, he tries:
 - Well ...
 Bring chicken ...
 Intellectual puts his index finger in the ass chicken, sniffs it, licks:
 - No, it's not a Spanish chicken - the chicken grew up west of Lyon, and selective feed wheat - and I ask Spanish waiter apologetically takes ...
 Chef in shock. Bring out a new convenience store - by all accounts, the Spanish - cook, bring intellectuals.
 That again is doing the same operation with chicken:
 - It is not a Spanish chicken - the chicken is grown south of Naples and selective feed millet - and I ordered a Spanish chicken!
 The waiter in shock kills the goose ...
 New Russian, having seen it all coming to an intellectual, throws it on the table stack of green and tearfully said:
 - Bro, children's home ... I break into the pedigree!

Addict brought home a package plan and think: where did it spratat?
 Vanity under the carpet.
 Well then to himself knocking himself answers: tuk-tuk!
 - Who's there!
 - Cops! Anasha there !?
 - No!
 - And under the carpet?
 Well, I think damn sucks hid, hiding under the sofa.
 Again to himself knocking himself says: Knock, knock!
 - Who's there?
 - Cops! Anasha there !?
 - No!
 - And under the carpet?
 - no!
 - And under the couch?
 Well, I think, and then find it. Hiding behind the closet. and again the same story: to himself knocking himself says: Knock, knock!
 - Who's there?
 - Cops! Anasha there !?
 - No!
 - And under the carpet?
 - No!
 - And under the couch?
 - Nope!
 - And for the fridge!
 - Nope!
 Shit, where do I hide it !?