All you need to know about Cuba, if you are going there to relax I do not too much fastidious person. I can and hitchhiking, and can in a tent and mattress can on the floor. But usually when I go to a five-star hotel, I did not expect the mattress and hitchhiking. The decision had to be taken within a few hours, and the choice fell on Cuba, as the visa-free countries, where the May already warm enough for swimming. I went to a few sites and read the forums. Solid enthusiasm. But I was looking for warnings. And I found. Customers were advised not to buy cocaine on the streets and not to use prostitutes unfed. Since neither drugs nor prostitutes were not part of my plans, I went to your favorite travel agency. Then I'll just lead the dialogue. Did you ever have to decide where to go. Will it be Cuba? Perhaps my dialogues will help you decide more prepared ...
1. In the Moscow travel agency
- And I would, as always, to order a private transfer "airport-hotel-airport»
- It is possible, it costs 200 euros, I can arrange it, but I must warn that you are unlikely to meet
- ??? !!!
- They often forget to come for guests. The probability that you will meet - about zero
- what should I do?
- Arrival in Havana - try to negotiate with the private traders
2. At the border control
- You need to purchase a visa
- But I'm told that the visa is not required
- You need a visa, without it you will not miss
- Strange. Come on, how much it costs?
- 15 pesos.
- But I do not have pesos, I euro. You take the euro?
- No, we accept pesos
- And where can I change money?
- In the terminal building, but you there without a visa will not be allowed
- What do I do
- All right, I'll take your euros at the rate of 1: 1 (normal rate of 1: 1, 2)
3. In the Havana airport
- I would like to rent a car. What cars do you have?
- We have different machines. Here, take a great Peugeot 206
- But it's too little machine for me
- We have one large, but it is very old, I do not recommend
- I would prefer a small open jeep, here you have a catalog Suzuki Grand Vitara
- It is not available
- I have someone ahead?
- No, they never have we had
- But here he is, even in a price
- Yes, but we have available it has never been
- So what do I get?
- Here, take a great Peugeot 206. Nothing else
- No thanks, not for me ...
- (Hail in the back), then we have a Toyota Corolla ...
4. Reception at the Varadero
- Here is your key. Your bungalow number 6428
- Thank you, and I will be able to drive to his car?
- Yes, of course
5 minutes later
- You know, I tried to drive up to the bungalow on the car, but it is absolutely impossible
- Yes, drive directly to the bungalow is not possible, but you can leave your car in the parking lot and walk to the bungalow on foot. It is 150-200 meters, no more
- Yes, but I have 43 kilos suitcase and three bags
- So you want to?
- I want to have someone help. Do you have a room-boy?
- Course (ringing somewhere)
3 minutes later, the same fight and room
- I listen to you
- I would like you to help me unload the car
- Of course
- But not here
- (With surprise as the first of April) Do you want me to go with you ?!
- Of course, it is so commonly done
3 minutes later
room-boy takes only one suitcase, leaving the rest of the luggage, and I cheerfully removed the darkness. Entering the room, he simply puts a suitcase at the entrance gets 3 pesos tip and silently removed, leaving the guest of understand where it is that both included and how intricate open doors to the terrace.
5. talking on the phone
- Hello, I forgot to bring drinking water
- Well now ENTERED
6. The same evening
- Hello, I called in the morning, I promised to bring water ...
- What's your number?
- Well now ENTERED
7. late in the evening of the same day
- I'm sorry, I promised to bring water. I have since yesterday, not in the room or a drink of water, please, store water
- I am sorry, but everything is closed
- But in fact room service around the clock!
- Oh, you want to order water through room service? Who'll connect
8. The next morning
- I'm sorry, it's a five-star hotel?
- Yes, sir
- You're kidding
- No, sir, what happened?
- I was the fourth time in a day calling to get a bottle of drinking water
- I'm going to find out all the water and you ENTERED
- Please name the exact time when this will be done
- After 10 minutes
9. after time
- Excuse me, 10 minutes is long gone, and water and no
- What happened?
- I promised water
- Who? ...
10. The next morning
knock. Room Service
- I'm sorry, I see you brought me a beer and cola. I asked a simple drinking water
- I was told that I had brought, and for the water you'd better go to the administrator personally ... (for reference, from me to the administrator 10 minutes go on the sand, or can be on asphalt, but to make a detour)
11. currency exchange
- Change me 100 euros
- Already closed
- Why, because there is still nine
- Is already closed! I turned off the computer
- And where else can I change money?
- Contact your administrator
Dialogue with admininstratorom
- Change me 100 euros
- I can not refer to the exchange
- It is closed
- It can not be closed, it is open until nine
- It is closed, please change me
- I can not change the lodgers money exchange office is opened on the second floor - but it was closed, I urgently need to make an advance payment to the guide. He hurries and nine to be in another hotel
- Oh well. But then at the rate of 1: 1, 1 (normal rate, as you remember, 1: 1, 2)
12. May 1st. The entire hotel is walking. Shops in Hotel
- You can buy a cigar?
- We closed
- But you're here, can you sell? Yet the holiday, I want to smoke a cigar (not without flattery)
- Just because a holiday, we have closed
- Where can I buy a cigar?
- Refer to the bar
- You have a cigar?
- We do not have cigars, contact the store
- They have closed. It is strange that in Cuba at the bar I can not buy a cigar
- Yes, we do not sell cigars, but we can bring. You can buy Cuban cigars in the specific machine
There's also a minute
- I'm sorry, but the machine only accepts coins, bills and I have, you do not will exchange?
- Sorry sir, but we have a bar, we do not change money, please contact the store
- But it is closed ...
- I can not help ...
13. In the hotel lobby.
Meeting with guide is scheduled for 13.00. The group is waiting. At 13.40 in the lobby there is a lush Cuban uniformed and someone yells across the room, "Ola !!!" and runs to him to kiss and spread a word or two, then she is going to kiss the two administrators, then another with someone. This presentation lasts about ten minutes, after which it is suitable to the group:
- Hello, I'm your guide, I'm sorry for being late
14. The conversation with the guide.
- We offer excellent trip to Havana
- Thank you, my rental car, I would go alone
- It is possible, but I must warn you: we have almost no signs, no one knows English and can tell the way, very few people comply with the rules on the road can be a horse-drawn wagons and pets, many old and unsafe vehicles on the roads. So it is better not to go.
15. A small group of flying to the island of Cayo Largo.
The meeting is scheduled for 6.50. They asked not to be late, because "the plane will not wait." 6.40 sleepy people sit in a dark hotel lobby waiting for transfer to the airport. At 7:30 comes the bus and the guide slowly with rhymes and songs Russian collects documents. We arrive at the airport 25 minutes before departure. Too late. We announce that the plane suddenly broke. The trip is canceled, the money is returned and asked not to be offended. Those who still want to see the island, now asked to confirm the readiness to fly tomorrow. Otherwise, nothing is assured. I confirm. At night, in the second half, I wake Up Guide:
- I called you, so you do not get up early. Tomorrow, too, I will not go. And the day after. The other day I call you to deal with money
- Your mother! ..
I the fourth day in Cuba. After the call the guide I could not sleep and now I sit on the balcony with a computer and write the dialogue, a party or a witness that was. The collection is not complete. I still have 4 days.