Poor-poor Boris ... =))

It is a very long time in the summer, in the year since 96-97 (can not remember exactly). Come home to me really the best friend and asked for help. From his conversation, I learned that in the village. Golinischevo he lives a grandmother and her grandmother lives "porosёnochek Boris", who really wants to skastrirovatsya to its meat stsakoy not smell !!! I, as a failsafe friend, once said: & quot; IN-LA-ON will? & Quot ;, to that immediately received a positive response! But the magic word "IN-LA-ON" pulled out of the apartments the city two more of our friends (a pier, a freebie, sir!). So, we sat in the "behu" and after 10 minutes were on the spot. Heavenly place, I can tell you, it Golinischevo: birds chirping, jumping grasshoppers, defachki local came to admire the urban guys!

And enjoy to eat at one: the three young men, each increase in weight by 190 and each a hundred! (Remember, these unimportant anthropological data). But we are not long lyubolvalis nature, because that came out of the house, gray-haired old woman (height 150 cm) with a very good person, and without there prilyudy from the doorway said to his grandson: "Good morning boys. Well Che brought ??? "and Yuretsts, nodding at me says: & quot; Here it is, really veterinarian! & Quot; (I'm sure the doctor, but pigs, sheep and Kazlu exotic for me!).

Okay! - Said the old woman, went with me to the barn! We obeyed (although all in my head was one-IN-LA-ON when it? !!!)

We go to the barn and we shudder to see the heart entogo Borka ............

Borka: huge wild boar, under 10 pounds, and eggs the size of an apple every !!! I think to myself, "Just because he did not give up! There will be war! "... My granny natural question, they say you're pulling Che, legchat pigs 3-4 weeks of life, and your Borka year will be soon! The answer I heard was anekdotichen: "My dear, I have it always was Masha, and this morning I turned on the light in the barn ... Bah! Yes I have is this Boris is ... !!!! »

Such a turn of events was not ready to nobody !!! (IN-LA-ON removed from us farther and farther away ..). Do nechvo, began to remember how these fellow deprived of natural nature and remembered! Nuno find a large barrel, and then put the barrel to his head and boar to turn sharply to the priest, so that his head was inside and outside the egg !!! We found a barrel. Tried ... .tak This reptile only half a head climbed and more current with petroleum jelly (Vaseline in the village did not find, for some reason) !!!

They tried to twist (stick with a loop) on the coin: - Sasha went to wash the manure from ...... (stupidly Boris sent him to the slurry, Fu blah!).

But so strong was the desire to have a future at la NOT what the lads again went into the pen ...... Shouting kill, blah this pig, the people rushed to the "pig"! The result: a light wave of Piglet, all the lads (3 people), "took off" on a partition pen !!! For a long time they sat there in the fetal position, and hryumlya walks in the paddock and piggy eyes vytselivat brothers on the paddock. I'm standing in the corridor grandma, tools, alcohol wipe ....

But then an extraordinary event happened: Egan, squatting as orёlyshek on a branch, lost his balance and screaming "yes * bis of this FSE !!!!!!" swooped down on a pig fsem butt, so much so that suddenly Borka this oh * tary maneuver opened diarrhea (still would not open, Egan weighed 120 kg !!!). The rest of the brethren, seeing ethno action, flew on a pig, like vultures on a sheep !!! Boryan began to fight back, but it was all in vain!

I describe the picture of the action: the pen, the pig covered in movnom. Three brothers are sitting on giperBorke. Boris screams and breaks! And my grandmother at full throat "* sale stand as a pillar, daffay sharper eggs Cut !!!". How to cut, if they entogo heathens scrotum to a nearby paddock rolled a?

ZY I've seen a lot of movies out there about all sorts of martial arts, but the code grandmother with one blow of his boot vylomila two boards pen (give two!) and said that's enough? I felt like that is not on its own ... (apparently she wanted to stsakoy Borka did not smell!).

Well, in general, as taught me the rules of aseptic and antiseptic, took iodine, alcohol, procaine (eggs is enormous, Nuno numb!) Scalpel gemostatiki, ligatures, and began to cut ...... made the first cut, Borka vzvopil not popatstsanovski ... and then I hear from Egan pen voice (he was sitting on Borka closer to the head): «SOS, daffay faster scalp this beast before he went to sleep !!!". And I think to myself: "What the * yn he fell asleep when I gave him local anesthesia ???" deathly silence of ......... ...... And then I yelled, "Come on EPT, get off alive with negooooo !!!!!! !"…… Late. 300 kg. my friends live weight on his chest, made his unfortunate thing, Bob choked! Boris went to his proottsam Pumbaa with heels! Of course, I tried to return it back to the granny (not poverete: Artificial respiration in blue penny, fublya, ugh!), But was adamant Hades!

Again deathly silence, FSE look at me, and I am guilty of the type of antiseptics with her! But Grandma Lee issued the sentence after which KamediKlab otdyhaet "And you stand * sale, Slash second egg !!!!". (how to prove at the time that the grandmother Boryan no longer with us, I did not know! So stupidly took a scalpel and cut off the dead second egg ...... (forgive me the pig gods).

Grandma saw in my hand two eggs, gasped with delight and said that Boris will no longer stink mochёy Nuno and his butcher ...... (at the time I thought that everything that happens is not with me.). So in fact I found the village a local butcher who otpreporoval corpse meat and bacon .... Grandma, we proposed myastsa on skewer, but we like that refused to treat ....

ZY IN-LA-ON Stupidly grew into a commemoration (drink 2 days, and gee-gee catch to this day!).

Moral: it would be better Grandpa Lenin strained with his GOERLO - and Masha would be with grandma - and software-LA-NA would be covered !!!

From personal archive your SOS.

Tags

See also

New and interesting