About Lawyers ...

Ad in the newspaper:
"Hats: photos of damage, criminal record on an identikit».

When Pinocchio for prison door is closed, the public prosecutor took off his hat and said:
 - Finally, I planted a tree!

© The judge asks the guy (M) has committed murder of a woman in a tram ...
© - Why did you kill the woman?
(M) - I am going, then the tram. Woman comes and goes to the validating machine.
Open the bag, pulls out koshёlku, closes the bag, opens koshёlku, gets the purse, koshёlku closes and opens the bag, removes koshёlku, closes the bag, opens the purse, pulls out a ticket, wallet closes,
open the bag, pulls out koshёlku, closes the bag, opens koshёlku, removes the wallet closes koshёlku opens the bag, removes koshёlku, closes the bag, punch ticket, open the bag, pulls out koshёlku, closes the bag, opens koshёlku, gets the purse closes koshёlku opens the bag , removes koshёlku, closes the bag, opens the purse, removes the ticket, wallet closes, opens the bag, pulls out koshёlku,
closes the bag, opens koshёlku, removes the wallet closes koshёlku opens the bag, removes koshёlku, closes the bag. Here comes Controller ...
© - Stop! I, too, for this would have killed ...

Judge:
 - Why do you steal a million?
Defendant:
 - Because he was hungry!

Before the trial, is a vagabond with a beard.
 - If you made all that you are accused of, - says the judge - then you have the conscience to be as black as your beard.
-If Judge the conscience of his beard - said the tramp - then you do not have it at all.

-Witness! - Says the judge. I ask you to forget for a moment that you are working in the State Statistical Committee, and speak only the truth to the court.

On foreigner sued on hold him alimony.
He is in Russian only knows the case. The court holds a reciprocal question:
 - I - prepositional it - dative, I - instrumental, she genitive, what I accusative?

How many lawyers you need to screw the light bulb?
Three.
The first lawyer screwed the light bulb.
Second shakes the ladder, on which the first.
Third is preparing a claim to manufacturers stairs.

What is the difference between a good and a bad lawyer?
A bad lawyer can deal a few years of red tape. A good lawyer can do this much longer.

During the break, the court hearing the lawyer says his client dejectedly:
 - I have exhausted all the arguments are in your favor. I do not know what else I can do for you ...
 - What if you take over?