Why you should stop feeling sorry right now and how to do it

Introduction. Periodically experiencing self-pity is quite normal, and many psychologists point out that this emotion can occur in response to stressful or traumatic events. However, constant or excessive immersion in a state of self-pity can seriously inhibit personal growth, worsen emotional state and even lead to problems in relationships or careers. In this article, we will discuss why it is important to get rid of the constant self-pity and what specific steps you can take to overcome this destructive habit.



A little about the nature of self-pity
According to the American Psychological Association (APA), feelings of self-pity are often intertwined with feelings of guilt, low self-esteem, and the belief that the world is “unfair” to you. From a psychological point of view, this state can act as a kind of “defense mechanism”: we kind of accept the role of the victim in order to avoid great efforts or changes that could take our lives to a new level.

However, when self-pity becomes a habit, it becomes a soft cushion for any difficulty. Instead of looking for solutions, the person chooses an emotional comfort zone, justifying inaction with their own unhappiness or negative circumstances. As a result, the ability to self-development and overcome life barriers deteriorates.


Why constant self-pity is harmful
No one is saying you can’t afford to feel sad or feel sorry for yourself after a major setback. Problems begin when this condition is prolonged and becomes the background of everyday life. Here are a few reasons why this should be avoided:

• Stagnation in development: A person who is prone to self-pity often avoids challenges and growth, preferring the role of the victim instead of taking risks and learning from mistakes.
• Negative health effects: Constant background stress, anxiety and depression do not improve overall well-being. Chronic self-pity can lead to “emotional exhaustion”, insomnia and other psychosomatic disorders.
• Relationship damage: People around you can get tired of the constant stream of complaints. Instead of empathy over time, there is irritation or detachment.
• Limiting prospects: Self-pity often leads to the thought “I can’t, I can’t,” which in the long run deprives a person of chances for success and positive change.

How to determine if you overdo it with self-pity
Sometimes it’s hard to know if your temporary sadness or resentment has turned into self-pity. Here are some signs that may indicate this:

1. You're always looking for sympathy. and attention from others, but do not take real steps to solve the situation.
2. You feel like the problems have “fallen on you” without the ability to affect them.
3. You often underestimate your own accomplishments. You exaggerate your failure by comparing yourself to “more successful” people.
4. Internal motivation has decreasedAny action seems meaningless to you, because “nothing will change anyway.”
5. You're always grinding in your head. Old resentments and situations, complaining to themselves and others.

How to stop feeling sorry for yourself: step-by-step instructions
Coping with the habit of self-pity is not easy, but it is quite real. The key is to consciously work on your emotional state and behavioral patterns. Below we will look at a number of tips and recommendations that will help change the approach to life and increase your own self-esteem.


1. Acknowledge your responsibility
The first step to change is a sincere recognition that you are the only one in charge of your life. Circumstances can be different, but it is your actions (or inaction) that determine the future course of events. Once you stop seeing yourself as a victim, there are internal resources to solve problems and move forward.


2. Rethink the past
Self-pity is often associated with getting stuck in past resentments or failures. Try to analyze what is bothering you, and find a positive lesson or conclusion that can be drawn from these events. This rethinking helps to “let go” heavy emotional burden and start building the future from scratch.


3. Make a list of your achievements.
When you feel that “everything is bad” and start feeling sorry for yourself, take a piece of paper and write down all your achievements, even the smallest ones. Analyze how much you have done and how many obstacles you have overcome. This exercise will help strengthen your faith in yourself and remind you that you are capable of more than it seems in a moment of despondency.


4. Replace "I can't" with "I'll try."
Words play a huge role in shaping our mood. If you keep telling yourself “I can’t do it,” “I can’t do it,” your brain starts believing it as an axiom. Change the rhetoric: say “I will try”, “I will learn”, “I will find a solution”. This stimulates thinking towards finding a way out, rather than going into pity.




5. Surround yourself with a positive environment
Try to refuse (or at least reduce) communication with people who constantly complain or drag you down. On the contrary, look for companies where constructive, support and mutual inspiration reign. Such an environment will help you to keep a more optimistic view of life and less fall into self-blame.


6. Practice gratitude.
Write down 3-5 things every night or morning that you are grateful to others or yourself. It can be something quite small: pleasant weather, a delicious breakfast or a friendly conversation. This practice helps to focus on the positive and reduces the habit of paying attention only to the negative.


7. Engage in physical activity
Exercise is one of the most reliable ways to combat stress and bad mood. Active movement contributes to the production of endorphins (“joy hormones”), which improve the emotional background. In addition, regular training strengthens self-confidence.


8. Find a new goal or hobby
Self-pity often appears amid a lack of interesting tasks and enthusiasm. Try to find a new hobby, set yourself a pleasant (albeit small) goal. It can be learning a foreign language, playing music, or even planning a trip to an unfamiliar city. Engaging in a new business raises motivation and reduces time for “sad” thoughts.


When it is necessary to consult a specialist
Sometimes self-pity can be just the tip of the iceberg of deeper psychological problems: depression, anxiety disorders, or post-traumatic stress. If you feel that independent efforts do not bring relief, and the condition worsens, it is recommended to consult a psychologist or psychotherapist. Professional support will help to understand the root causes of your emotional state and teach constructive ways to overcome difficulties.


Conclusion
Allowing yourself to feel sorry for yourself for a short time after a failure is a normal manifestation of human vulnerability, which makes it possible to survive complex emotions. The problem is that if this condition becomes permanent, it degenerates into chronic self-pity and deprives the person of a chance to develop.

You can get rid of destructive habits if you take responsibility for your life, learn to see the past not only pain, but also lessons, develop gratitude and surround yourself with a positive environment. It is also important to remember the role of physical activity and set new goals. All these steps can radically change the attitude towards yourself and the world, making you more confident, happy and ready for achievement.


Keep in mind that continually feeling sorry for yourself means ignoring your potential and remaining a victim when you can change the scenario of your life. Focus on the positive, don’t be afraid to take risks and treat yourself with care, but without excessive drama. Sometimes the path to real change begins with the simple “Stop feeling sorry for myself, start acting.”