A young wife has fallen into faith, dreams of a pilgrimage, and I am sick of the church theme to the grinding of teeth. Bashny.Net

A woman begins to see marriage differently. Interestingly, different Orthodox believers treat the relationship between a man and a woman in marriage in their own way. A few years ago, Vladimir faced a problem: his wife had a grief, and now she sleeps in another room for the third year.



I love my wife, she recently turned 34, I am a year older than her. Nina lost her sister three years ago. This grief we still cannot survive. I try to support her, calm her at night, and during the day try not to touch this topic.

Nina has since started going to church, saying she feels better there. Let me, though not baptized, understand that there should be an outlet in life. The problem is, when my wife started going to church, she stopped sleeping with me. I literally moved to another room.



When I asked why she was doing this, Nina said that the abbess considered intimacy a fall. Now the wife is seriously talking about marriage without physical intimacy. At 35 years old, I am not ready for this. I want love, feminine affection and debauchery sometimes. I don't want to cheat on her, but I can't stand it anymore.

Recently, I couldn't stand it, and I yelled at her, which only made things worse. Nina's not talking to me, she's going to stay with her sister. I'm desperate. A wife who was perfect at everything suddenly became a nun. Can't you convince her? ?



Interestingly, many prohibitions and superstitions about intimacy with her husband in Orthodoxy are personal initiative and fiction. There are no significant restrictions and rules of behavior with a spouse in bed. It is difficult to imagine a gathering of theologians, who, for the most part, have no experience in family relations, talk about the physical intimacy of a man and a woman.

Outside of marriage, the church forbids such relationships. Even if a guy and a girl decide to get married, until they have legalized their union, their intimacy will be considered fornication.
The Church, on the contrary, prohibits evasion of marital duties against the will of one of the spouses. If the wife or husband wants intimacy, the spouse has no right to refuse. And the priests for such a transgression are generally deprived of their dignity: “Like a wife to a husband, a husband give his wife full affection.” A wife has no power over her body, just as a husband has no power over her own. Do not turn away from each other, only by consent during fasting and prayer. Be together again, so that Satan will not tempt you with your incontinence.
- Apostle Paul.



St. John Chrysostom said: A wife should not abstain against the will of her husband, and a husband should not abstain against the will of her wife. Because from this abstinence comes a great evil; from this there were often adultery, fornication, and domestic disorder, so the Church does not forbid, but even insists on the closeness of husband and wife. Another thing is that everything should happen by mutual consent.

The fact that the Church does not forbid, does not mean that the wife will throw herself into the arms of her husband. Why? Because now she's trying to deal with her grief. The loss of a loved one affects all areas of life. A person can experience the loss of years, and without psychological help at all can get stuck in the past.



When this happens, you need to consult a specialist. Only a therapist can help in this situation. And until the wife accepts reality, learns to live with this loss, she can't think about anything else.

Psychologist Mikhail Labkovsky always says that an important part of a healthy family relationship is physical intimacy. You cannot force your spouse to indulge your desires. But if she decides to change her life, she will have to break up. There can be no compromise because one of the partners will suffer. And suffering is bad for mental health.



Editorial Board Wife can be persuaded to go to a session of psychotherapy. This does not cancel trips to church, but only complements and will help to deal with the problem more effectively. Before making hasty conclusions, it is necessary to try to find a general solution to the problem. If there is no such solution, you will have to seriously talk about the future: whether you will stay together or let each other live their lives.