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How to start a relationship after prolonged loneliness
It is believed that everyone, deep down, is afraid to be alone. The fear of loneliness forces many to marry, start families and make dubious friends, which are in fact a real burden.
However, there are also cases where a long-term loneliness after divorce It makes a person incapable of starting new relationships. What should be done to not only find the other half, but also to become happy in this relationship? Let's take the expert's tips.
At the age of 24, I divorced my husband and started raising my daughter myself. At the same time, I would not say that I sacrificed anything, because I liked to devote myself to my daughter, to see her grow, grow stronger, become independent. I did not give up on myself, I had affairs, but I never lived with men after divorce.
My daughter has been married for 3 years now and I am all alone. Any attempts to somehow arrange a personal life are broken by my unwillingness to live with anyone. I can't even bring myself to stay at someone's place. Several times I had to walk away from a man in the middle of the night because I just couldn't sleep. One day she left and stood by the subway at midnight, waiting for the opening.
At my age, it’s hard to have short-term romances. But how then to combine a serious relationship and unwillingness to be with anyone? asks Irina, 46.
In this case, family psychologist Arina Lipkina is sure that you should not so sharply distinguish between short-term romances or live together. It is quite possible to build. long-term and no cohabitation.
“At this age, men, after divorce or separation, are also less likely to live with a woman. There is no flexibility in relationships, there is no motivation and attraction, which were in 20-25 years. Even falling in love and finding the strength to open up to a new person is not easy, the psychologist said.
Irina, in 22 years of life without a man, has already clearly formed as a loner, and therefore suddenly to take and completely change your life, finding a place for another person here is too radical a change.
A woman is only stimulated by the fact that her daughter has grown up and has a new family. Irina is scared and empty, so she needs a replacement. However, replacing a daughter with a man will not work.
There is also a feeling that this woman is afraid of something else. It is possible that the man will not be under control or that he will start a relationship with someone else. When he is separated, he cannot be sure of his faithfulness. Therefore, first of all, she should deal with her fears, the expert believes.
When from the previous relationship in the memory of the negative in the form of scandals, quarrels and betrayals, the fallen out of nowhere freedom drunken. There is no need to please anyone, to report to anyone, to spoil nerves with anyone. But from this relaxation You can get tired.
After all, sooner or later, any negative experience is forgotten, and the needs of a woman in love and affection remain. Communication with friends and family is great, but when one girlfriend goes with a loved one to the movies, and another with her husband checks the child’s homework, it is difficult not to think about building your own family. This is a sign of readiness for a new relationship.
The main thing is not to let these intentions go to waste, but to develop them. There is no need to be afraid of the unknown and in advance ascribe negative traits to the future soulmate. But you also need to be prepared for the fact that somewhere you will have to make sacrifices, and somewhere to seek compromise. We should also not forget that farewell It's building something big and bright, which means it's definitely worth the effort.
We recently talked about why many beautiful women choose solitude. It also shows how some of the young people who lived alone. It's definitely worth seeing.
However, there are also cases where a long-term loneliness after divorce It makes a person incapable of starting new relationships. What should be done to not only find the other half, but also to become happy in this relationship? Let's take the expert's tips.
At the age of 24, I divorced my husband and started raising my daughter myself. At the same time, I would not say that I sacrificed anything, because I liked to devote myself to my daughter, to see her grow, grow stronger, become independent. I did not give up on myself, I had affairs, but I never lived with men after divorce.
My daughter has been married for 3 years now and I am all alone. Any attempts to somehow arrange a personal life are broken by my unwillingness to live with anyone. I can't even bring myself to stay at someone's place. Several times I had to walk away from a man in the middle of the night because I just couldn't sleep. One day she left and stood by the subway at midnight, waiting for the opening.
At my age, it’s hard to have short-term romances. But how then to combine a serious relationship and unwillingness to be with anyone? asks Irina, 46.
In this case, family psychologist Arina Lipkina is sure that you should not so sharply distinguish between short-term romances or live together. It is quite possible to build. long-term and no cohabitation.
“At this age, men, after divorce or separation, are also less likely to live with a woman. There is no flexibility in relationships, there is no motivation and attraction, which were in 20-25 years. Even falling in love and finding the strength to open up to a new person is not easy, the psychologist said.
Irina, in 22 years of life without a man, has already clearly formed as a loner, and therefore suddenly to take and completely change your life, finding a place for another person here is too radical a change.
A woman is only stimulated by the fact that her daughter has grown up and has a new family. Irina is scared and empty, so she needs a replacement. However, replacing a daughter with a man will not work.
There is also a feeling that this woman is afraid of something else. It is possible that the man will not be under control or that he will start a relationship with someone else. When he is separated, he cannot be sure of his faithfulness. Therefore, first of all, she should deal with her fears, the expert believes.
When from the previous relationship in the memory of the negative in the form of scandals, quarrels and betrayals, the fallen out of nowhere freedom drunken. There is no need to please anyone, to report to anyone, to spoil nerves with anyone. But from this relaxation You can get tired.
After all, sooner or later, any negative experience is forgotten, and the needs of a woman in love and affection remain. Communication with friends and family is great, but when one girlfriend goes with a loved one to the movies, and another with her husband checks the child’s homework, it is difficult not to think about building your own family. This is a sign of readiness for a new relationship.
The main thing is not to let these intentions go to waste, but to develop them. There is no need to be afraid of the unknown and in advance ascribe negative traits to the future soulmate. But you also need to be prepared for the fact that somewhere you will have to make sacrifices, and somewhere to seek compromise. We should also not forget that farewell It's building something big and bright, which means it's definitely worth the effort.
We recently talked about why many beautiful women choose solitude. It also shows how some of the young people who lived alone. It's definitely worth seeing.