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How to Stop Fighting With Your Parents
The most difficult thing is to build relationships with the closest people. It is understandable, because you can always make new acquaintances or meet a new love, but it is not possible to choose relatives. Therefore, you have to compromise and put up with even the horrific nature of a loved one.
And today's edition. "Site" share the story of our subscriber, who does not manage to build normal relationship. Can she be helped in this difficult matter? What does a professional psychologist think about this?
“Something strange happened to me the other day.” I stayed with my mom and her husband and helped peel potatoes for dinner. At some point we began to argue, and I am a person quite emotional and when I speak in a stressful situation, I can actively gesture. That was the case, said 23-year-old Maria.
“My mother took my gestures in her own way, and now she claims that I threatened her. With a knife. And she told her husband and relatives and even neighbors about it.
“I had to apologize for something I didn’t do, but all these people just turned against me, even though there is no adequate reason for this attitude. My husband was going to beat me up.
“The problem is that the mother always liked to expose herself as a victim in order to blame someone. Most of the time, I was the culprit. But the most annoying thing is that she is still believed and I am not.”
“I understand that you have to stop this and start a family. But it is a shame that among my relatives I am like a cut-off. All friends have normal friendly families, and I am like an orphan with living parents.
Psychologist Andrei Kuznetsov notes that the situation is really unpleasant. At the same time, the expert sincerely wonders why Maria is so offended by the opinion of people around her who have never stood out for special loyalty.
Yes, being an outcast in your own family isn’t easy, but do you want to be “good” to these people? Can you always be “good” to others? Probably not. Then why does this situation lead you to despair, the expert asks.
“You realize that you are not separated enough from your family. That is why any disagreement in the relationship causes such a violent reaction. The process of separation - growing up and alienating a young person from their parents is almost always difficult. And the more friendly the relationship, the more difficult this separation is. That is why you have been somewhat lucky.”
It remains only to decide how you will separate from your family, where you want to remain “good” for them, and where you stop waiting for a positive assessment.
The world offers much more opportunities than you think, and you can get approval (if you really need it) from friends, and from a loved one, and from colleagues at work, and from business partners.
“Just be a person who deserves approval and even admiration, and then there will be people who will recognize and appreciate your strengths. Then Poor relationships with relatives It will no longer be a problem, the expert said.
So should we try to build relationships with close people who do not want it? Perhaps it is better to take care of your own life, having arranged it with those who do not make stupid accusations and do not make you feel bad? Either way, it's everyone's choice.
And today's edition. "Site" share the story of our subscriber, who does not manage to build normal relationship. Can she be helped in this difficult matter? What does a professional psychologist think about this?
“Something strange happened to me the other day.” I stayed with my mom and her husband and helped peel potatoes for dinner. At some point we began to argue, and I am a person quite emotional and when I speak in a stressful situation, I can actively gesture. That was the case, said 23-year-old Maria.
“My mother took my gestures in her own way, and now she claims that I threatened her. With a knife. And she told her husband and relatives and even neighbors about it.
“I had to apologize for something I didn’t do, but all these people just turned against me, even though there is no adequate reason for this attitude. My husband was going to beat me up.
“The problem is that the mother always liked to expose herself as a victim in order to blame someone. Most of the time, I was the culprit. But the most annoying thing is that she is still believed and I am not.”
“I understand that you have to stop this and start a family. But it is a shame that among my relatives I am like a cut-off. All friends have normal friendly families, and I am like an orphan with living parents.
Psychologist Andrei Kuznetsov notes that the situation is really unpleasant. At the same time, the expert sincerely wonders why Maria is so offended by the opinion of people around her who have never stood out for special loyalty.
Yes, being an outcast in your own family isn’t easy, but do you want to be “good” to these people? Can you always be “good” to others? Probably not. Then why does this situation lead you to despair, the expert asks.
“You realize that you are not separated enough from your family. That is why any disagreement in the relationship causes such a violent reaction. The process of separation - growing up and alienating a young person from their parents is almost always difficult. And the more friendly the relationship, the more difficult this separation is. That is why you have been somewhat lucky.”
It remains only to decide how you will separate from your family, where you want to remain “good” for them, and where you stop waiting for a positive assessment.
The world offers much more opportunities than you think, and you can get approval (if you really need it) from friends, and from a loved one, and from colleagues at work, and from business partners.
“Just be a person who deserves approval and even admiration, and then there will be people who will recognize and appreciate your strengths. Then Poor relationships with relatives It will no longer be a problem, the expert said.
So should we try to build relationships with close people who do not want it? Perhaps it is better to take care of your own life, having arranged it with those who do not make stupid accusations and do not make you feel bad? Either way, it's everyone's choice.
