The child just wants your attention. Any
I have such a desire — to talk about how we helped my daughter to take the younger Seraphim — Dounia. This is a difficult moment, when the family has another baby, and for us, I think he was particularly difficult. Serafima (she at the time was 2 and a half years) is very distinctive, not to share love, jealous, to me, strongly attached. I understand that my experience is only my experience, all babies are different and parents are different, and there are, in fact, though obchitalsya, but most importantly — to see your own child and remember that it can be quite different. And most importantly, probably, to allow him to be quite different.
To be honest, I felt it might not be easy. So we tried a little bit in advance to prepare. We talked about the baby Serafima, the midwife went together, she gave her to hear the beating heart in my mom's belly. Closer in maternity, month seven, many children comes the difficult period — the tantrums, the mother, drawn, mom and so already very tired, and then has the older to pay attention twice. Importantly, I think, just remember that it's okay. It is good that the child was "difficult", it means that changes in your family has already begun, you reach the main point, and any change takes time. And patience. I think it's important to keep the child a forward. He has a feeling that mom is slipping away from him, you need to give him support — peace, land, protection.
Even if the child turns into a helpless infant, it's important to accept that now.
Many probably know that when a family, a second baby, most importantly, it is possible to pay more attention to the eldest child. This, in my opinion, the absolute truth. When you hold a newborn baby, the eldest child suddenly starts to seem very large. Even physically. Just a huge. Big head, big hands and feet. Very strange.Over time this feeling will pass, but at first it is important to remember that your older child up to this point was the youngest and still little remains.
That is why you need to be prepared to ensure that the child (in my opinion, any age) may be a regression. He gets Moody and demands attention, refuses to understand anything, and here is very important (absolutely exhausted and tired mom) it is this attention to give. Time. And don't wait for it from him ANY gratitude. Two. Saves that's the idea — now, right now your children build relationships for life. On some deep level. It's not even psychology, it is, if anything, accepting of each other on a soul level. So. You can be patient. The truth is you can. We are given difficulties, which we would not be able to survive. Therefore, in the face of this little monster now speaks to you the Love itself.We Seraphim helped to relive her infant period. A favorite game was to play with the baby.
When she asked, we kutal her in a blanket, tied with ribbon, Pasha wore it on his hands and said, look, I have a baby, I replied, Oh, what a pretty girl, Oh, she has teeth there, Oh, and she's already talking learned? Seraphim loved this game, blather, pretending to be crying, or, conversely, laughing (Oh, your baby is already smiling!) or began to jump (Oh, he's jumping!) etc.
By the way, the regress may occur and that the child, for example, begins to write in his pants (we have so continued for several months, although the Seraphim have long been weaned from diapers). Or even kakutsa. It's okay to not do anything, just wait and in any case not to swear on "you're old". If the child is sleeping separately can naprositsya to you in bed. Here it is for you to decide what to do. We were divided: I'm with the baby, husband with Serafima.Another important point is that guests. Everyone wants to see the baby and admire.
While a senior (and that the rapture was addressed to him) is still often out of work. First, I asked if there is a desire to give the gift, that gave him the Seraphim and congratulated because now she has a sister. Secondly, I asked friends to asked about the Seraphim sister. May she and not I is leading them into the room and shows the baby. It's HER event.
Then, of course, part of an older child in a younger life. Together to change, show toys, ask to bring a diaper. To be honest, Seraphim diapers to wear didn't love the game "what you're my assistant" she is not particularly liked.
Now it became more interesting, but very gradually. And that's what she loved to do and she still does massage baby. This is, in my opinion, the important thing is physical contact, it does wonders. I think it is important to allow the child to touch the baby (which is so much as just afraid of the parents). We simply need to do under your constant supervision. You take one leg, another child, on the palm he poured the butter massage and smooth the heels, every finger separately. It is helpful to all and, in my opinion, creates a remarkable connection at the deepest level. At first we did Dunya massage every day, love it all. If the child begins to do something hard, there is no point in telling him how to do. Much more important to show him how to do it right. Just take his hand in mine.
If the child is deliberately trying to make the kid hurt, in my opinion, too little meaning to shout at him. The child just wants your attention. Any. And now he is agree on your negative attention. Most importantly, after all this attention to.
And if you sharply react, the child quickly realizes, that's the easiest way to get mom's attention.
And if at first he just shouted loudly near the baby or went on it with a machine, then it will be his machine to beat. It is therefore important, in my opinion, right now, he is attention to give. But this kid is not deleted.
We do the following: take Seraphim's hand and softly say "handjob, handjob Seraphim," and hold her hand. Then gently hold the baby. Even if you think that your child is already big and should understand the words, honestly, he understands much better. "Handjob" can be repeated a hundred times a day. Sometimes I put my hand in Donecke Seratonine and say "Serafimovskiy and Donechchina pen — friends, they play together". Something.Further. During pregnancy we are talking to your children about to be born you have a brother or sister and you'll play, will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. A child is waiting. And what happens?
Comes little squeaky man, who turns out to benothing able. And with him not playing, even approach it are often not allowed
. Therefore, in my opinion, great immediately start playing. I just took a darling to handle and her face started to talk to Seraphim. Kids love such role-playing games and believe in them as you begin to believe that the dolls themselves say, when you come to a puppet show.
"Hey, Seraphim! says Dunja, I am your younger sister. And you're my big sister. What an amazing! How cool is it that I have such a wonderful sister. And you know how to jump? But as a show? Oh, and I want to grow up and learn to jump!" etc. give Voice to her youngest child and play for him. I still remember how we Serafima running into each other, and my arms flying surprised a month darling, "catch-up Seraphim". Let's not often, but once in a while (especially at first!) it is important that the children were playing "together".In General, I feel that it is not necessary to limit the older child in his interest in the younger.
That is, any movement, curiosity, the action is acceptable. Most importantly, control, smooth, coordinate these actions. Well, when any trip is approved older to younger from my mother. Just at this moment the mother is better quietly to come and sit. Sometimes you don't even need to interfere (and even better not to intervene). Here is how you would control and guide the force, not party games
. Unfortunately, I know a lot of families where the mother was protecting a younger child like a hawk, the eldest is generally forbidden to approach him, resulting in grown children from two different planets, the senior completely lost interest by the second child, children do not play together. Another difficult moment when the mother, trying to control the actions of the older, shouting at him, use force, trying to explain how not to behave, as a result, the child begins to bully the sly (forbidden fruit is sweet), and then mom has to control the actions of children several times more as a senior she does not trust. In General, the question of trust as I feel very important.
I see that the more I show the Seraphim, I trust her, the less conflict occurs. It seems to me that the internal position of mothers is very important. The child feels.
Signal "I trust you, I know you will not deliberately hurt your sister/brother" the child is very nice catches. But again — trust but verify, in the first months of life the child himself is not able to set the boundaries of communication with the baby, what to do, and what not, it will check (fingers to poke in the nose or in the eyes), so it's best to be wary at first, but gently and reminding calm.Further. As I said, one of the reasons why the eldest child intentionally tries to harm the younger — he thus wants to attract mom's attention.
That's how child — he needs just as air mom's attention. And he so wants it, that is even ready for negative attention from mom.That is, he is ready to hit the kid to his mom drew on him the attention, even screaming. And here, in my opinion, there are two points.First, if the older child gets angry at Junior, it's time to pay attention to him
. But better to do it immediately, but first to pay attention to the offended. Because, as a rule, when one hits another, the first thing to throw at someone who has (he first gets attention). But it would be better, in my opinion, first grab and regret (as it should!) the offended. Then the abuser sees — method does not work, so mum, on the contrary, even more distant. And then, after some time, try to pay attention to a senior (if I'm busy, then just silently take Seraphim on the handle and put it next to him on the table, on which I am preparing).
We actually became much easier to live when Dounia was five months, and she began to sit itself and, therefore, was to use Ergo carrier. She sleeps, eats, contemplates life, I do Serafima or household chores.One more thing. Often it's best to just teach a child to ensure that he was older.
And otherwise this attitude of praise. Not long ago I realized (finally!), that Serafima this trick does not work. She does not want to be older. To endure, to help, to wait, not want. And I almost stopped calling her that.Was, on the contrary, often say that she's my little girl. And add a large, but still small. And I feel that some tension is gone.
She is much more willing he became to compromise.Because he feels that between her and the Dunya there is a tremendous difference. And mom shared.
Life goes on, things change every day, the methods that worked yesterday are not working today, you need to constantly be open life, to abandon any stereotypes when it comes to children, and most importantly, do not expect that they will do something that we expect from them. Most important, perhaps, is to carry the idea that you're family, you are the closest people you have to be together, and all deserve all the best. I think so.
Author: Natalia Chopin
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! ©