Bashny.Net
Mom doesn't share mom is multiplied!
Bashny.Net
When a family that already has one child, planned addition, this joyous event is always accompanied by mild anxiety. How you will treat my only baby to the emergence of a brother or sister? Will be able to cope with the role of elder? And mom will be able to "split" in two? A mother's love? I myself, when I was waiting for a second child, ask these questions. And now happy to share the answers with you.
Say that children, especially those who haven't yet turned 3 years old, have a very strong emotional bond with their mothers. They feel all emotional experiences, changes in health, including pregnancy. So to hide from your older child, the fact that you are waiting for an addition, does not even worth it, perhaps, he too understood this on a subconscious level, and you will only have to confirm the hunch and explain what this information should do now. If your child is older than 3 years, then it is likely that you will have to address the subject "where in the abdomen the baby", so it would be better to prepare in advance. You can find some books about brothers and sisters, they also help to explain the situation.
Under gentle conversations with the stomach usually there is no problem. They appear somewhere closer to the birth. In one to two weeks before the happy event that your older child may suddenly get sick, usually it is an asymptomatic rise in temperature or stomach problems, the baby may start to sleep badly, and the younger your first-born, the more likely such a reaction. Cure is only one prescription: your intense focus and lots of physical contact.
Manifest can, and troubles such as bedwetting (day and night), biting nails, thumb sucking, compulsive movements with hair, clothes. Don't get mad at the child for it and remember: everything will be a maximum of 1.5-2 months, but only if your live participation. Don't worry in advance, all of this is possible, but not obligatory symptoms of stress. But what gets almost all is the loss of the last acquired skill.
If the child just started to go on the potty, to sleep separately in her room or bed, you have stopped breastfeeding, teach your child to have fun, to play alone, then that's what will be sacrificed. And again, don't worry! The skill will come back in 2-3 months maximum, but in the meantime – give your child the confidence that due to the fact that it is again necessary to wear a diaper you won't love him less. You generally will never love him less.
Another situation that usually confuses parents, this is when the older child wants to be "like a kid". It begins: "give me the nipple", "wrap me in a diaper", "I want to sleep in the cradle." Do not scold the child for it, do not apply any sanctions, act on the principle "the less I pay attention to it, the faster it goes." Want to be as a kid, my mother? Please. Here is the nipple, that's the diaper. Oh, but the kids don't show cartoons! And not allowed to play with LEGO... Kids don't eat pancakes with jam and not turn the steering wheel in dad's car. But if you still want so badly – be a baby, we don't mind! You can even wrap up a "baby" in a diaper and a little wiggle of his arms, 99% that he is quickly bored.
All aggression from older child to younger, if it is, in fact, aimed at parents, not a new family member. Child "mimics" your attitude, he sees your fears and uncertainty in their actions. So remember: your every act — is correct, every action is weighed and thoughtful, and, says the great Carlson "peace and calm". When you experience negative emotions, you need to understand where they "grow legs".
If the child blames himself – "I am bad, my mother found another child and doesn't love me anymore" is wrong, and it must be fought. You can pre-prepare the album, which contains photos of your senior in their infancy. View the album and praise your child: what you were little and how you've grown! You screamed so loud and now you know how to be quiet!
Don't be afraid to praise, in this period it is impossible. The second situation is when an older brother or sister blames the youngest, and she is also wrong and not conducive to improving relations in the family. The best option when the child blames the mother. In him we must strive to translate the first two. You can draw the pictures, have a pillow fight, a ruck, and it is possible to lose a situation or to try to turn the tables – "you're mom/dad, I'm the daughter." Pay attention to how the child behaves during these improvisations. His behavior may be your key to understanding the correct direction.
In the book of American psychologists Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish "Brothers and sisters. How to help your children live together?" is a great example, which immediately explains to us, the adults, all the feelings of our children. Imagine for a moment that your beloved husband with whom you already a hundred years together, love each other to oblivion, your most loved one suddenly brings home a woman, who, by the way, younger than you and tells you: "Honey, you're an adult, it's time for us to have another wife, meet here she is!" It is clear that the feeling of love is the last thing you will be able to experience this woman. Here and older child instant love for younger do not need to wait. This love needs to grow like a delicate flower.
On the day when you go to the hospital, talk to the baby. Everyone understands that times are hard and probably hurt, but your older child a short conversation with you is necessary as air. Explain that you do not throw it, leave for a while and will call, write, chat on Skype and be sure to wait for him so he waved at you and your brother are in the window. Follow through with your promises!
Many psychologists recommend to arrange a small celebration on the day of return from the hospital. The nuance is that the main character of the holiday must be... your first child! Prepare and hand him a gift in honor of the birth of a brother or sister. Girl you can buy a doll so she can like mom to change diapers and roll pups in a wheelchair and the boy prepare for the long-awaited, desired. If you are inviting guests, tell them to bring small gifts for both children and not just for the newborn. Or better make a small supply of nice Souvenirs, if someone of the guests will forget about your request. Decorate the apartment with balloons, streamers, pronounce, and discuss with an older child their feelings: "How nicely we are all decorated! Just like when you were born! Then everyone was very happy and was the same beautiful day, just like today!"
Be sure to show your children! Show your older child that you trust him, give Pat or kiss the baby, but at least up to six months do not leave children alone, all, contacts only, under the supervision of mothers. Not because your older child is angry or want to hurt the baby, but simply because it's safer, and, for both of them. Don't promise your first-born "playmate", this is not true, because the first 6-7 months, the baby is just a caterpillar in diapers, no joint football or riding on the scooter does not even smell. Explain that the baby needs to grow, and then write-was gone, they will be a real gang.
If you are going to give the younger child some things or toys older, it is best for some time to stash those items that the owner forgot about them. Continuing the analogy with the "new wife," imagine that your husband comes to your closet and pulling out some of the things, says: "so, well, you can't get out of this grew too long, so we give up our second wife!" Ugh, terrible situation.
The period of adaptation to the newborn, the so-called "fourth trimester", usually lasts about 3 months. At this time it is important to remember that your older child needs you almost as much as the younger. Try not to shift care for the senior for someone else.
If bathed the child you always find a way to keep this ritual or invent new, fun and one that you will have to perform. It is also important to remember that your mom and dad after the baby is born, too, need their time. At least once a month leave children in the care of her grandmother and get out with my husband somewhere. This will strengthen several relationships: your husband and child, between brothers and sisters. Because children will remain "in the same boat" and both, of course, will pay attention to it.
In conclusion I can tell you that it is not necessary to be afraid of. Many problems will be solved by themselves, the answers to the questions will be on the surface, and your love will be divided into two, she just doubled. Even if it's hard to believe. And always remember that making a decision about having another child in the family you are giving your first baby a tremendous gift: he will never be alone! And will always be grateful for that.published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: dochkimateri.com/sections/health/540-mama-ne-delitsya-mama-umnozhaetsya
Say that children, especially those who haven't yet turned 3 years old, have a very strong emotional bond with their mothers. They feel all emotional experiences, changes in health, including pregnancy. So to hide from your older child, the fact that you are waiting for an addition, does not even worth it, perhaps, he too understood this on a subconscious level, and you will only have to confirm the hunch and explain what this information should do now. If your child is older than 3 years, then it is likely that you will have to address the subject "where in the abdomen the baby", so it would be better to prepare in advance. You can find some books about brothers and sisters, they also help to explain the situation.
Under gentle conversations with the stomach usually there is no problem. They appear somewhere closer to the birth. In one to two weeks before the happy event that your older child may suddenly get sick, usually it is an asymptomatic rise in temperature or stomach problems, the baby may start to sleep badly, and the younger your first-born, the more likely such a reaction. Cure is only one prescription: your intense focus and lots of physical contact.
Manifest can, and troubles such as bedwetting (day and night), biting nails, thumb sucking, compulsive movements with hair, clothes. Don't get mad at the child for it and remember: everything will be a maximum of 1.5-2 months, but only if your live participation. Don't worry in advance, all of this is possible, but not obligatory symptoms of stress. But what gets almost all is the loss of the last acquired skill.
If the child just started to go on the potty, to sleep separately in her room or bed, you have stopped breastfeeding, teach your child to have fun, to play alone, then that's what will be sacrificed. And again, don't worry! The skill will come back in 2-3 months maximum, but in the meantime – give your child the confidence that due to the fact that it is again necessary to wear a diaper you won't love him less. You generally will never love him less.
Another situation that usually confuses parents, this is when the older child wants to be "like a kid". It begins: "give me the nipple", "wrap me in a diaper", "I want to sleep in the cradle." Do not scold the child for it, do not apply any sanctions, act on the principle "the less I pay attention to it, the faster it goes." Want to be as a kid, my mother? Please. Here is the nipple, that's the diaper. Oh, but the kids don't show cartoons! And not allowed to play with LEGO... Kids don't eat pancakes with jam and not turn the steering wheel in dad's car. But if you still want so badly – be a baby, we don't mind! You can even wrap up a "baby" in a diaper and a little wiggle of his arms, 99% that he is quickly bored.
All aggression from older child to younger, if it is, in fact, aimed at parents, not a new family member. Child "mimics" your attitude, he sees your fears and uncertainty in their actions. So remember: your every act — is correct, every action is weighed and thoughtful, and, says the great Carlson "peace and calm". When you experience negative emotions, you need to understand where they "grow legs".
If the child blames himself – "I am bad, my mother found another child and doesn't love me anymore" is wrong, and it must be fought. You can pre-prepare the album, which contains photos of your senior in their infancy. View the album and praise your child: what you were little and how you've grown! You screamed so loud and now you know how to be quiet!
Don't be afraid to praise, in this period it is impossible. The second situation is when an older brother or sister blames the youngest, and she is also wrong and not conducive to improving relations in the family. The best option when the child blames the mother. In him we must strive to translate the first two. You can draw the pictures, have a pillow fight, a ruck, and it is possible to lose a situation or to try to turn the tables – "you're mom/dad, I'm the daughter." Pay attention to how the child behaves during these improvisations. His behavior may be your key to understanding the correct direction.
In the book of American psychologists Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish "Brothers and sisters. How to help your children live together?" is a great example, which immediately explains to us, the adults, all the feelings of our children. Imagine for a moment that your beloved husband with whom you already a hundred years together, love each other to oblivion, your most loved one suddenly brings home a woman, who, by the way, younger than you and tells you: "Honey, you're an adult, it's time for us to have another wife, meet here she is!" It is clear that the feeling of love is the last thing you will be able to experience this woman. Here and older child instant love for younger do not need to wait. This love needs to grow like a delicate flower.
On the day when you go to the hospital, talk to the baby. Everyone understands that times are hard and probably hurt, but your older child a short conversation with you is necessary as air. Explain that you do not throw it, leave for a while and will call, write, chat on Skype and be sure to wait for him so he waved at you and your brother are in the window. Follow through with your promises!
Many psychologists recommend to arrange a small celebration on the day of return from the hospital. The nuance is that the main character of the holiday must be... your first child! Prepare and hand him a gift in honor of the birth of a brother or sister. Girl you can buy a doll so she can like mom to change diapers and roll pups in a wheelchair and the boy prepare for the long-awaited, desired. If you are inviting guests, tell them to bring small gifts for both children and not just for the newborn. Or better make a small supply of nice Souvenirs, if someone of the guests will forget about your request. Decorate the apartment with balloons, streamers, pronounce, and discuss with an older child their feelings: "How nicely we are all decorated! Just like when you were born! Then everyone was very happy and was the same beautiful day, just like today!"
Be sure to show your children! Show your older child that you trust him, give Pat or kiss the baby, but at least up to six months do not leave children alone, all, contacts only, under the supervision of mothers. Not because your older child is angry or want to hurt the baby, but simply because it's safer, and, for both of them. Don't promise your first-born "playmate", this is not true, because the first 6-7 months, the baby is just a caterpillar in diapers, no joint football or riding on the scooter does not even smell. Explain that the baby needs to grow, and then write-was gone, they will be a real gang.
If you are going to give the younger child some things or toys older, it is best for some time to stash those items that the owner forgot about them. Continuing the analogy with the "new wife," imagine that your husband comes to your closet and pulling out some of the things, says: "so, well, you can't get out of this grew too long, so we give up our second wife!" Ugh, terrible situation.
The period of adaptation to the newborn, the so-called "fourth trimester", usually lasts about 3 months. At this time it is important to remember that your older child needs you almost as much as the younger. Try not to shift care for the senior for someone else.
If bathed the child you always find a way to keep this ritual or invent new, fun and one that you will have to perform. It is also important to remember that your mom and dad after the baby is born, too, need their time. At least once a month leave children in the care of her grandmother and get out with my husband somewhere. This will strengthen several relationships: your husband and child, between brothers and sisters. Because children will remain "in the same boat" and both, of course, will pay attention to it.
In conclusion I can tell you that it is not necessary to be afraid of. Many problems will be solved by themselves, the answers to the questions will be on the surface, and your love will be divided into two, she just doubled. Even if it's hard to believe. And always remember that making a decision about having another child in the family you are giving your first baby a tremendous gift: he will never be alone! And will always be grateful for that.published
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © Join us at Facebook , Vkontakte, Odnoklassniki
Source: dochkimateri.com/sections/health/540-mama-ne-delitsya-mama-umnozhaetsya
Tags
See also
10 things about my mom, who still need to tell the child
12 golden rules for a happy upbringing of the child, who must know every mother.
Born back: life with out the emotional connection
