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Freedom from education
Why is the phrase "to raise a child" exists only in the Russian language?For example, the phrase "I'm raising a child alone" in many languages sounds like "I'm raising the child alone".What a Gulf between these concepts! In the first case, I create a change, hammered, in a word, strive to lead man to a certain model. Second — just raise. Help nourish and create conditions for growth, watching the process.
At first sight the question is absurd:how so? Can't people just grow like a weed? Here are felt all our old (and not )fears. "He will remain ignorant! Will grow up to be a janitor (or a prostitute, depending on gender). He will not learn to eat with a fork! She will pee in the pants! He will never read Dostoevsky (Balzac, Turgenev, Salinger, etc.)!" And so on — everyone is familiar with. Is it really so? Miraculously almost everyone writes in the pants just because it's bloody uncomfortable and unpleasant, but also because his mom and dad act differently. You can torture a man and otdressirovat it so that the proud Scripture in the pot, but in two starts he's guaranteed to do it himself. For the above reasons. Possible every time for food to spoil the mood of the child and yourself, shpilevaya it: "Eat like you were taught." But if we do eat "as taught", he'll have to do the same, because so it is accepted! For some reason in the case of the influence of "bad friends" is our faith in the example is huge, in our own case, we often believe that it is necessary "to saw".When we "give instructions" in the first place we suffer ourselves from the fact that they are not met, out of pity for the beloved, from the inability to formulate precisely the thought, from the inability to cope with the situation, from the futility of what is happening and so on. All this is justified by the permanent nightmare that otherwise our parental duty will not be performed (with certain refinements, such as: do not become a worthy member of society, grandma would be upset with the teacher scold me, etc.)were Tortured by the need to educate, we often fail to notice that the process of education completely replaced the process of communication, the joy of finding a loving relationship with a dear person somewhere has long vanished because of the need to "keep abreast". Comes to the aid of the principle which is repeatedly used by generations of parents, "grow up — will understand and will be thankful".Yes, it really happens. Sometimes in adulthood we can use what we have drummed into childhood. Five per cent. And the rest? Yes, fine with friends to play on the piano. How many of you are playing, respond! And how many have been taught? Price relationship, contrary to the desire and interest, is all this really important and interesting that went past. Yes, there are those who have learned and played so far. Himself a sinner. However, the issue price of the majority (checked) is still open. And if only that...Most events in life happen not because but in spite of the so-called education. Our children discover the world, change the view, fall in love, interested in different phenomena under the influence of a number of factors. And most importantly — because they ARE! What a pity to miss the fun in life (our children) due to vdolblennye us the rules constantly to manage. So much passes due to the fact that we are forced to play the role of educator instead of just love.Clearly the desire of parents to teach, to protect, to help. But our chance to be heard and pass our cherished model of behavior to the child more in the tens if not hundreds of times, if he had no doubt that close friend. Not constantly assessing the behavior of the overseer, and it was different, close and open.To raise means to deny yourself great pleasure to watch the process. To see what fate presented to only the parents — when something definitely created you in love and happiness, change, grow and experience life. When raising, you have to constantly evaluate and can easily not notice what is happening in a person changes, his inclinations, his new features, he himself finally.The more shades of a relationship. Just as we can ruin a wonderful day, a remark from which nothing has changed — only our General mood. How easy it is to humiliate a man, even unwilling, telling him through clenched teeth, "I have told you many times". A "education" on people even not worth mentioning.
From this trap to escape is very difficult. It seems to us that he does everything on purpose, he's just stupid that he's a disgrace to us (again, ego!). We become hostages of our own need to constantly educate. Oh what joy can be discussed. The child is forever transformed into the object of our experiments.We continue to reproduce itself and sullenly say to ourselves one day: here they are — ungrateful children. Does the formula "I am life gave you, and you..."with the inevitable answer, "And I didn't ask". So we are driving ourselves into the Procrustean bed of the relations "subject-object" instead of the joy of communicating with your loved one.Lively joy, when there is UPS and downs, and conflicts, and collaborative success, when it happens that you need a break from each other, and sometimes not to leave for anything. To raise parental freedom and joy, foster — parent prison. Can we go into the wild? published by P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © econet
Source: fathersclub.com.ua/svoboda-ot-vospitaniya-neformalnaya-p/
At first sight the question is absurd:how so? Can't people just grow like a weed? Here are felt all our old (and not )fears. "He will remain ignorant! Will grow up to be a janitor (or a prostitute, depending on gender). He will not learn to eat with a fork! She will pee in the pants! He will never read Dostoevsky (Balzac, Turgenev, Salinger, etc.)!" And so on — everyone is familiar with. Is it really so? Miraculously almost everyone writes in the pants just because it's bloody uncomfortable and unpleasant, but also because his mom and dad act differently. You can torture a man and otdressirovat it so that the proud Scripture in the pot, but in two starts he's guaranteed to do it himself. For the above reasons. Possible every time for food to spoil the mood of the child and yourself, shpilevaya it: "Eat like you were taught." But if we do eat "as taught", he'll have to do the same, because so it is accepted! For some reason in the case of the influence of "bad friends" is our faith in the example is huge, in our own case, we often believe that it is necessary "to saw".When we "give instructions" in the first place we suffer ourselves from the fact that they are not met, out of pity for the beloved, from the inability to formulate precisely the thought, from the inability to cope with the situation, from the futility of what is happening and so on. All this is justified by the permanent nightmare that otherwise our parental duty will not be performed (with certain refinements, such as: do not become a worthy member of society, grandma would be upset with the teacher scold me, etc.)were Tortured by the need to educate, we often fail to notice that the process of education completely replaced the process of communication, the joy of finding a loving relationship with a dear person somewhere has long vanished because of the need to "keep abreast". Comes to the aid of the principle which is repeatedly used by generations of parents, "grow up — will understand and will be thankful".Yes, it really happens. Sometimes in adulthood we can use what we have drummed into childhood. Five per cent. And the rest? Yes, fine with friends to play on the piano. How many of you are playing, respond! And how many have been taught? Price relationship, contrary to the desire and interest, is all this really important and interesting that went past. Yes, there are those who have learned and played so far. Himself a sinner. However, the issue price of the majority (checked) is still open. And if only that...Most events in life happen not because but in spite of the so-called education. Our children discover the world, change the view, fall in love, interested in different phenomena under the influence of a number of factors. And most importantly — because they ARE! What a pity to miss the fun in life (our children) due to vdolblennye us the rules constantly to manage. So much passes due to the fact that we are forced to play the role of educator instead of just love.Clearly the desire of parents to teach, to protect, to help. But our chance to be heard and pass our cherished model of behavior to the child more in the tens if not hundreds of times, if he had no doubt that close friend. Not constantly assessing the behavior of the overseer, and it was different, close and open.To raise means to deny yourself great pleasure to watch the process. To see what fate presented to only the parents — when something definitely created you in love and happiness, change, grow and experience life. When raising, you have to constantly evaluate and can easily not notice what is happening in a person changes, his inclinations, his new features, he himself finally.The more shades of a relationship. Just as we can ruin a wonderful day, a remark from which nothing has changed — only our General mood. How easy it is to humiliate a man, even unwilling, telling him through clenched teeth, "I have told you many times". A "education" on people even not worth mentioning.
From this trap to escape is very difficult. It seems to us that he does everything on purpose, he's just stupid that he's a disgrace to us (again, ego!). We become hostages of our own need to constantly educate. Oh what joy can be discussed. The child is forever transformed into the object of our experiments.We continue to reproduce itself and sullenly say to ourselves one day: here they are — ungrateful children. Does the formula "I am life gave you, and you..."with the inevitable answer, "And I didn't ask". So we are driving ourselves into the Procrustean bed of the relations "subject-object" instead of the joy of communicating with your loved one.Lively joy, when there is UPS and downs, and conflicts, and collaborative success, when it happens that you need a break from each other, and sometimes not to leave for anything. To raise parental freedom and joy, foster — parent prison. Can we go into the wild? published by P. S. And remember, just changing your mind — together we change the world! © econet
Source: fathersclub.com.ua/svoboda-ot-vospitaniya-neformalnaya-p/
