Bashny.Net
If you are scared to step forward
Bashny.Net
In every second of our lives we make choices between development and preservation of the current situation, security and stability. Inside of us are always fighting two forces, one wants to change something, the other against any changes.
In every period of our lives and that, and that force development and preservation — may be appropriate. Not to say that it is always good development, as it is impossible to say that always good stability.
The trick is that we have every second of your life choose: to grow or to maintain stability. And how is this choice the result meets our needs — tactical and strategic plan and will serve as a token of our happiness and the feeling of "living your life".
Thirty six million six hundred two thousand four hundred eighty eight
The development of the cult and the cult of stabilityThe problem sometimes is that some people are obsessed with constant change and can't stop, and some see little value in stability and security, and in the end can not develop. Not-development is degradation.
The cult of development is from those who brought in the ideas of "perpetual motion". He who hesitates is lost. You need to be as efficient as possible always. Just ahead, a moment's peace. Such people usually achieve much in life, but also, and much to lose — they are permanently denied the feeling of peace and quiet.
They do not know how to stop. They live in constant anxiety and constant stress: because they get tired and start to slow down, the internal controller will respond immediately and is hit with a whip, as a slave on the galley. Don't you dare to sleep!
The cult of stability — quite the opposite. They are very afraid of any changes, do anything to preserve what has been acquired by. Even though this job no longer brings the pleasure and the money, but I've been here for 15 years. Stably. Let this marriage really all have already become boring, and the current mechanism of building relationships long fails, but so we lived for 20 years.
Such people can go in the same clothes, not decades, to change their habits. As my coach: "it is Possible to live all life, without regaining consciousness." That is, not conscious of itself.
Perhaps, once these people grew too volatile and confusing situation, and they lacked consistency. Now that they are adults, then built a consistency in the cult. He (she) can, and would like to change something (the girlfriend has long changed focus to a more appropriate one, and each remarried and seems happy), but the wildest anxiety is associated even with the fantasy on this subject, does not take a step.
How am I going to live? If I can? What if I lose that? And what is worse? And suddenly nobody will, and I will remain single?
Seven million nine hundred thirteen thousand one hundred five
The fear of death as a marker of no-life nowTalk about fear of change. Sometimes clients come in and say that I'm afraid to die. Young, healthy people. And suddenly — Intrusive fantasies about death. Suddenly something happens — a brick on a head will fall down in an accident. But the real motive there.
And then I wonder how they live. With what emotions? Do what you want, or what used to do? Live as your heart, or as they were taught to live?
And almost always emerges such picture: the emotional life is not painted. She's grey, she's kind of dull. Yeah, it doesn't bring any obvious suffering. But they do not bring the desired pleasure. Such a stagnant swamp. The familiar, friendly. But I want to drown in it, in fact.
And then it turns out that if to give vent to living thought and imagination, so much this man wants! He has so much energy, so much energy! So much creativity! And it turns out later that the work he does he is not interested, and in General the profession of the parents chose, and he simply is a skill. And it turns out that the relationship he had so that, standing long, but it's like the usual scenario is even talking everything: you can predict in advance what anyone says. Neither develop neither he nor she. And I want everyone to hitch their pairs to maintain a constant co-dependent mechanism to maintain. After all, both of them are in fact very afraid of autonomy. Psychological autonomy.
When I is just me and realizing your life potential as you want. And if you meet associate(TSA) at a certain stage of life and go with him(her) up shoulder to shoulder, will be very, very cool! But even if you do not meet, there will be no horror. Because I a priori — a(th), and no not half.
And the fear of separation and individuation (i.e. separation from the symbolic parent figures and access to the development itself, and the realization of their own potential-at-home "to live with your head") is often a paralyzing fear of many of us who is a product of the Soviet family — unit of society. Society emotionally immature personalities, unfortunately. And this horror is not at all far-fetched: after all, unconsciously we feel that we do not know how to live differently, it's like to walk again, to learn. It is difficult, expensive and time consuming.
However, if you go this way, you can get something just always wanted.And have no fear of death "fonit" is not: after all, every minute of life — this is truly my life. Neither my mother's nor my father's, nor grandfather nor grandmother. And my. My choice, my way. My freedom and my responsibility.
What usually bothers to take a step forward1. The conviction that I must as well do it new. If you change the profession immediately become a master of his craft. If you look in the field of affiliate relationship is at once very effectively and very cool and successful. This will never happen. This is obviously a utopia. New steps are being made with difficulty, and at the beginning committed a lot of mistakes. This is the reality.
2. Doubt in yourself and your abilities. I can't do it. I'm not brilliant and not brilliant. I can not, I did not have the strength, creativity and intelligence. I'm stupid and worthless. I'm not valuable and useless.
3. Shame to the ephemeral image of "society» (we — your usually and to the real society is usually almost no relation). Shame, if I make a mistake in choosing the direction. Shame if it doesn't work. A shame to lose what had. Shame to risk in principle. In this place everyone can imagine his grandmother on a bench or a teacher at the school, which pointedly says "Well..."or "O..."or, "Well, here...". Then comes inside and then "feeling the whip".
4. Guilt. To those who do not support me in my own development. Who does not support the idea of development. Can Express something on the topic of betrayal. Wine, usually before the current partner and could go no farther, or before the chief, who has 10 years of faithfully serving, but do not want, or even before in some way mums/dads who are actively supporting the theme of co-dependent relationships, inability to go their own way and break away at a distance from the others. This is reflected in our internal conflict.
Author: Elena Mitina
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©
Source: elenamitina.com.ua/publications/strashno-sdelat-shag-vpered-stabilnost-vs-razvitie.html
In every period of our lives and that, and that force development and preservation — may be appropriate. Not to say that it is always good development, as it is impossible to say that always good stability.
The trick is that we have every second of your life choose: to grow or to maintain stability. And how is this choice the result meets our needs — tactical and strategic plan and will serve as a token of our happiness and the feeling of "living your life".
Thirty six million six hundred two thousand four hundred eighty eight
The development of the cult and the cult of stabilityThe problem sometimes is that some people are obsessed with constant change and can't stop, and some see little value in stability and security, and in the end can not develop. Not-development is degradation.
The cult of development is from those who brought in the ideas of "perpetual motion". He who hesitates is lost. You need to be as efficient as possible always. Just ahead, a moment's peace. Such people usually achieve much in life, but also, and much to lose — they are permanently denied the feeling of peace and quiet.
They do not know how to stop. They live in constant anxiety and constant stress: because they get tired and start to slow down, the internal controller will respond immediately and is hit with a whip, as a slave on the galley. Don't you dare to sleep!
The cult of stability — quite the opposite. They are very afraid of any changes, do anything to preserve what has been acquired by. Even though this job no longer brings the pleasure and the money, but I've been here for 15 years. Stably. Let this marriage really all have already become boring, and the current mechanism of building relationships long fails, but so we lived for 20 years.
Such people can go in the same clothes, not decades, to change their habits. As my coach: "it is Possible to live all life, without regaining consciousness." That is, not conscious of itself.
Perhaps, once these people grew too volatile and confusing situation, and they lacked consistency. Now that they are adults, then built a consistency in the cult. He (she) can, and would like to change something (the girlfriend has long changed focus to a more appropriate one, and each remarried and seems happy), but the wildest anxiety is associated even with the fantasy on this subject, does not take a step.
How am I going to live? If I can? What if I lose that? And what is worse? And suddenly nobody will, and I will remain single?
Seven million nine hundred thirteen thousand one hundred five
The fear of death as a marker of no-life nowTalk about fear of change. Sometimes clients come in and say that I'm afraid to die. Young, healthy people. And suddenly — Intrusive fantasies about death. Suddenly something happens — a brick on a head will fall down in an accident. But the real motive there.
And then I wonder how they live. With what emotions? Do what you want, or what used to do? Live as your heart, or as they were taught to live?
And almost always emerges such picture: the emotional life is not painted. She's grey, she's kind of dull. Yeah, it doesn't bring any obvious suffering. But they do not bring the desired pleasure. Such a stagnant swamp. The familiar, friendly. But I want to drown in it, in fact.
And then it turns out that if to give vent to living thought and imagination, so much this man wants! He has so much energy, so much energy! So much creativity! And it turns out later that the work he does he is not interested, and in General the profession of the parents chose, and he simply is a skill. And it turns out that the relationship he had so that, standing long, but it's like the usual scenario is even talking everything: you can predict in advance what anyone says. Neither develop neither he nor she. And I want everyone to hitch their pairs to maintain a constant co-dependent mechanism to maintain. After all, both of them are in fact very afraid of autonomy. Psychological autonomy.
When I is just me and realizing your life potential as you want. And if you meet associate(TSA) at a certain stage of life and go with him(her) up shoulder to shoulder, will be very, very cool! But even if you do not meet, there will be no horror. Because I a priori — a(th), and no not half.
And the fear of separation and individuation (i.e. separation from the symbolic parent figures and access to the development itself, and the realization of their own potential-at-home "to live with your head") is often a paralyzing fear of many of us who is a product of the Soviet family — unit of society. Society emotionally immature personalities, unfortunately. And this horror is not at all far-fetched: after all, unconsciously we feel that we do not know how to live differently, it's like to walk again, to learn. It is difficult, expensive and time consuming.
However, if you go this way, you can get something just always wanted.And have no fear of death "fonit" is not: after all, every minute of life — this is truly my life. Neither my mother's nor my father's, nor grandfather nor grandmother. And my. My choice, my way. My freedom and my responsibility.
What usually bothers to take a step forward1. The conviction that I must as well do it new. If you change the profession immediately become a master of his craft. If you look in the field of affiliate relationship is at once very effectively and very cool and successful. This will never happen. This is obviously a utopia. New steps are being made with difficulty, and at the beginning committed a lot of mistakes. This is the reality.
2. Doubt in yourself and your abilities. I can't do it. I'm not brilliant and not brilliant. I can not, I did not have the strength, creativity and intelligence. I'm stupid and worthless. I'm not valuable and useless.
3. Shame to the ephemeral image of "society» (we — your usually and to the real society is usually almost no relation). Shame, if I make a mistake in choosing the direction. Shame if it doesn't work. A shame to lose what had. Shame to risk in principle. In this place everyone can imagine his grandmother on a bench or a teacher at the school, which pointedly says "Well..."or "O..."or, "Well, here...". Then comes inside and then "feeling the whip".
4. Guilt. To those who do not support me in my own development. Who does not support the idea of development. Can Express something on the topic of betrayal. Wine, usually before the current partner and could go no farther, or before the chief, who has 10 years of faithfully serving, but do not want, or even before in some way mums/dads who are actively supporting the theme of co-dependent relationships, inability to go their own way and break away at a distance from the others. This is reflected in our internal conflict.
Author: Elena Mitina
P. S. And remember, just changing your mind - together we change the world! ©
Source: elenamitina.com.ua/publications/strashno-sdelat-shag-vpered-stabilnost-vs-razvitie.html
Tags
See also
Trick yourself stronger: the Most dangerous thing we can do
Poisoned relationship
Mini encyclopedia of psychological mujchinam
An excellent set of exercises every day. Who wants to lose weight - go ahead!
Why do we choose the difficult people
When he really did not "pull" or How strong the woman is to build relationships
Relationship for a LONG time
Himself a torturer
Depreciation: stop trying to destroy himself!
